My boyfriend was feeling down, and I finally got to the bottom of his problem. He feels that he doesn’t deserve me.
There is a lot of imbalance in our places in life right now, but I feel we can overcome it.
*]I’m doing my Master’s degree, he didn’t finish college.
*]I’m a lecturer at a university, he’s a machinist in a print factory.
*]I earn twice his salary, and when I finish my degree I’ll earn close to three times his salary.
*]He was in an invalid marriage before.
*]He has two daughters from that marriage.
*]He can’t afford to buy me a ring.
Basically, he feels that if he were really the right man for me, why didn’t God send him to me first, instead of his first wife? He also feels guilty because he wouldn’t take back his first invalid marriage because it gave him his daughters, who he loves more than anything in the world. He thinks his having a past isn’t fair to me. Also, how can he feel right dating me when the man is supposed to be the provider, and he earns less than me?
It doesn’t help that his friends joke that love must be blind if I’m dating him.
I’m dating him for his honesty, his values, his generosity. I’m dating him because I admire how hard he works for his children. He doesn’t plan to work in a factory forever - he wants to run his own business, and he’s on his way to doing so. I admire that. I love him because I feel that I can be the best woman possible with his support. I believe that with me behind him, his dreams would come true too. I’m dating him because he makes me happy, he makes me smile, and I think he’s wonderful.
So how can I let him know that he does deserve me? I’ve already told him what I told you above, but he sees the other side of the argument, all the objections to us being together. He imagines what my parents must think, what my friends must think. When other people say that he’s lucky to date me, it makes him feel bad, not proud. He fears that one day, I’ll wake up and realize what a mistake I’m making.