Feeling intense despair and envy


#1

Hey, everyone! Lately, I’ve just been feeling so upset and envious, and I don’t know what to do. I try to pray, but it doesn’t seem to help that much. I went through a breakup two months ago, and I’m still struggling with feelings of sadness and worthlessness. I’m not as devastated as I was back then, but I still miss my ex boyfriend. So very much. This entire experience has reinforced a deep fear I’ve always had of ending up alone. I know that I’m called to marriage, and I want that kind of deep, romantic love more than anything. The funny thing is, I’m only 20, so I shouldn’t even be feeling this way. I know I’m young, and I have plenty of time to find the right guy, so why am I so upset all the time?

I don’t want to feel sad and envious, but I do, and I can’t stand it. I see happily married couples with children, as well as other people my age in loving relationships, and I just want to cry. They have what I so desperately want: the love of a good man and children. I see all of my pregnant relatives, and I’m nearly in tears while trying to keep a happy face on. I guess I just want to know how to feel okay again. I know my time will come, but I’m so impatient. I have a lot of hard, albeit fulfilling, work ahead of me (going into my junior year of college and trying to get into medical school) and I have a wonderful family and awesome friends, but it just feels like something is missing. I have a lot of love to give, but I don’t have a great guy to give it to. Sorry for rambling on and on, but I’m just in a really tough place right now, emotionally. I guess some prayers and kind words would help. Again, I get that I’m really young. I know you all must think I’m being irrational and making a mountain out of a molehill. What’s wrong with me? :frowning:


#2

Nothing wrong with you. You’re allowed to feel bad when bad things happen. It’s normal. It just shows you have real feelings. And a big heart. And a deep and longing soul.

Nothing wrong with that.

And I mean you’ve got all of your own words of wisdom already. You’ve already told us a lot of what we’d tell you too. So clearly your head’s on the right way. It’s just a busted heart. And nothing fixes that in a hurry. Just time and patience I guess. And venting too. So carry on with that as needed. This is a fine place for it for sure.

So please don’t feel bad about this. Know that time is on your side. Just be positive and hopeful. Everyone’s attracted to real joy and confidence. So sort of just like when going for a bank loan: the more you prove you don’t need what’s on offer? The more it’s given to you.

Peace star. Don’t let a bad turn get you down. Just come back stronger and better than ever. You can net a better one next time. You’ve obviously got it in you. You’ve done it before.

-Trident


#3

Thank you so much! That was really sweet!


#4

:slight_smile:

You’ll make a guy really glad he took his time to find you some day. I mean just keep this in mind: he’s out there looking even now. So just make it easier for both of you by being approachable, kind, and fair. The rest will sort of carry forward from there.

And here. Take this with you. :console:

-Trident


#5

Praying for you.


#6

well said! ;:thumbsup:


#7

If you are in junior year, you still have at least two more years for school. Meanwhile, you may find someone at school, or maybe it will be a different place.

If you want to get your diploma, it may be a good thing you are not involved romantically because it could throw your schooling off, and that’s important, too.


#8

if this particular relationship didn’t work out,
that’s ok, because obviously he was the wrong one ,
Better to refocus your life, put romance etc on the back burner ,
I say this because when you look for it, you won’t find it,
You’ll find it when you don’t look for it,
Bit like when you can’t find that pair of Shoes you know you put in the wardrobe ,
I see on your profile your in study, well trust me,once you get your career going,
You will be falling over good guys, to many to choose from,
:slight_smile:


#9

Why do students always take out their stresses on each other, if you know what I mean? I know it’s hard to resist the rebellious ‘undercurrent’ on a campus. I would concentrate on fidelity to God, His commandments and the Magisterium; a schedule; and doing everything well and for the love of God.

Then, when you graduate, devote yourself to all of the above, only with the job. I’ve been married for over 25 years now, and I solemnly assure you that a schedule is of the utmost necessity, especially when children come along. Know your weaknesses; pet peeves; and how you “fight”. Adjustment to anything new takes 14 weeks. Keep the lines of communication open. My co-workers said I became more communicative when my first child was born. (I didn’t know I had Autism Spectrum Disorder then, so that comment was significant). And don’t forget to actually PRAY. I mean the real thing, not “pious devotionalism.”

Break-ups are hard, but being rejected by a convent hurts a lot deeper – worse than you can imagine. You have given so much of yourself, but the only thing you can do is realize that if he was the one, you would have known it from the moment you met. The same holds true for convents or the seminary. (Hence the need for visits).

Blessings,
Cloisters


#10

The following might be a description of a breakup …

He said that he was going to be super busy this summer and next semester with schoolwork (taking 21 credits) and grad school applications, and that he didn’t think he could be my boyfriend anymore. He said he felt so bad for not being able to hang out with me as much as he wanted to, and that he just “couldn’t forgive” himself for doing that to me. When I asked him if it was something I did, he said no, that I was doing everything right and that I was the perfect girlfriend. He just felt awful that he couldn’t be the perfect boyfriend to me, and give me the time I deserved. All of this just broke my heart, because I never once felt that he didn’t care about me. The entire time, his voice was shaking, and he was sort of gasping in between each sentence.

I’m just so upset right now. When I begged him to reconsider, he just said it wasn’t fair to me. He said he really liked me, and he wished he didn’t have to do this, but he thought it was for the best. He finished by saying we could go back to being friends, and that I could text him anytime. He then said that the timing was against us, and that if the feelings are still there in the future, we could try again. He just didn’t know when that time would be.

Link:
forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=1009953

Do you have any reason to believe that he is looking for, or has found, a replacement for you? Did he quit engineering and join the priesthood? Why not text him as a friend, and see what information he is willing to disclose as a friend?

Maybe he was using an elaborate code, but another possibility is that he was being completely honest. If he dropped out of school to start his own company, and had to go to Japan or Europe on a business trip for a month or two to handle marketing or financing or investor relations or some legal issue … would that be breaking up?


#11

+1 I couldn’t have said it better myself.

I will keep you in my prayers.


#12

I honestly think he was being completely honest with me. He always was an extreme workaholic, and I guess everything just got too overwhelming for him.


#13

Who prepares his food? Among nutritious foods, what are his favorites? Does he have time to shop around to find the lowest prices for groceries every week?

Maybe you can arrange – by texting – to meet him. When you make the arrangement and when the meeting is to occur should be separated by enough time for you to shop for food.

Bring the groceries when you leave to meet him. He can reimburse you for the money that you paid, saving himself some time, and if you found a bargain, then he will also be saving himself some money. You can prepare a meal to share with him, and make enough for leftovers to be his lunch the next day.


#14

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