Feeling jaded with faith/life

Hi there,

I cant help feeling completely jaded with life. I’m not happy when I pray. I don’t feel peace about the future, I feel like I’m a burden to God. My parents and siblings think I’m a terrible person (though my husband assures me I’m not).

I am just struggling in my faith life right now. I try to do what is right and I know that I have my human imperfections, but I just feel alone in life which makes me depend on my husband more than is fair for my emotional needs. Maybe I’m just ranting…

I just don’t feel like I have any purpose in life. My family sometimes acts like they don’t love me and usually just see the worst in me. I had a big argument last month with my mom. It ended with me apologizing and saying I loved her and even after that she couldn’t even tell me she loved me out loud. And I know my husband’s family doesn’t even care that I’m technically part of their family. And I guess, the feeling that I’m a burden to God just makes it worse because now I have no desire to face God in prayer. Maybe I’m internalizing what my family tells me about myself. I don’t know. I also have no friends or social life. I am unemployed.

I don’t have any mortal sin on my conscience.
I go to mass every Sunday.
I try to do my best every day.

I guess, if you don’t have any comments can you pray for me? I don’t know whats going on. it just seems like the world is weighing so heavy on me.

I know what its like to struggle with emotional things like that. God loves you! He does not see you the same way as your family or others. I think you’ve been hurt and its hard to see God as being different because of experience with other people. But He is different. Try to trust Him on that. That can bring you to a beautiful relationship with Him because it would help you to see how different His love is from human love.

Jesus said this to a Catholic mystic named Gabrielle Bossis. Her book has an imprimatur:

April 26, 1945 - ‘Lord, Your poor little girl, Your poor image is here before you, yearning for You with all the strength of her being.’
“Have you noticed how people talk among themselves, discussing all their personal affairs? They spend so much time this way and it does them so little good. Don’t you think that if they gave themselves to Me, their Friend, I should rejoice to have My place in their thoughts and I should know how to reward their confidence in abundance? Don’t you think that it would create a moment-to-moment intimacy between them and Me, and this would be a joy for them, because close to Me their lives would lose their tension.
You understand? It would be life together with Me- I carrying the heavy end of things. So again I say: speak with Me, My little ones. Speak with Me. And our hearts will Merge. Isn’t this the aim of My Christians? Isn’t that why you want to die? Then begin living this heart-oneness. Seize upon every opportunity. Find every pretext. You aren’t bold enough. For some of you it is because you are indifferent.
But My close friends, why, why don’t they call to Me from their heart’s depths? If only their belief were less like unbelief! If their hope were fixed upon My help … And if, in all simplicity, their love loved Me more. I should be there looking after everything in their day, and when night fell, their eyes would close again on My face.”

“…be calm in your soul, and happily docile to My will. As you look back over your life, don’t you see that My will was always for your good? This is because I love you, and it’s the same for everyone, since I love each of you individually. I see you all differently; I see every detail about you, do you understand? My love is not of global love.
I need each one of you as though you were the only person in the world, as though the cosmos had been created for you alone, and My love is greater than the cosmos. So let this thought be a strength to you and your smiling calm.”

" I have found joy in all the little presents given to Me by My children. Even, if they have not cost you very much, even if you gave them to Me only because My Father put them into your hand by some circumstance other than your own free choice, you offered them to Me like good and affectionate children. And so I treasure them as though they were a part of you. Such is your power over Me! You bind Me to you by a single hair of your head. And the more you believe how utterly disarmed I am by your love, the more My unfathomable tenderness overflows to you. The great wrong is to lack faith in it. Then offer Me everything –every gesture, every thought."

This is from the book “He and I”. mysticsofthechurch.com/2009/11/gabrielle-bossis-he-and-i.html?m=1

God loves you! You are not a burden to Jesus. :slight_smile: if only we could see the tenderness in His eyes as He looks at each soul!

Praying for you. Could you volunteer at church and make friends that way?
Sometimes to have friends you need to make the first move.

If you find a great change in your appetite, mood or sleep patterns, you might want to be checked for depression.

Hang on in there. Day by day, hour by hour, staying faithful . And please keep occupied, reach out to others, That will help more than anything; volunteer wih something active and meaningful, You have far too much time to think just now! Get outside yourself. the world needs you. Do something postitive .

The next time you are at Church, take all that you just said and place it on the alter of the Lord. All your problems, worries, anxieties…everything. Offer it up to the Lord…He will know what to do with it.

Leave all your worries with Him, because He cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7

Your relationship with your family sounds very difficult and its understandable that it weighs on you. While you should honour your parents I wonder if you would benefit from putting some distance between you for a while in order to try and heal.

This resonates with me. Sometimes I feel like this is all I can do.

I want to get some distance but my circumstances right now have me seeing my mom on a regular basis. And it seems like everything I do means nothing to her or just generally offend her. Please pray for me and my husband. We need all the prayers you can offer.

Your husband assures you that you are not a terrible person.

For me this would be the thing to hold onto.

I am sure you are not a terrible person, I always feel negative about myself and would be lit up more by a compliment by my wife than any other person, (my children are too young).


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