I have a degree in Literature in English. It is heavily based in the liberal arts. I earned the last pieces when I was 37. I am willing to bet we got our degrees from the same university (PM me and I’ll let you know). As an adult, I have done a variety of jobs, including technology-related. I have discovered that, while skills are necessary, enthusiam, willingness to take charge, politeness, and a “good work ethic” go very far in the pursuit of a career.
It would seem to me that your DH wants to go back to school. He is worried that if he does, there will not be enough money.
My DH got his MA one or two credits at a time. The class load for a graduate candidate to be considered full time is nine semester hours. He worked full time the entire time. It took him three years instead of two. To brag only a little, he got straight As during his entire grad period, and did much better than his undergrad. His thesis was rated superior.
I only worked a few hours a week, when we needed it, as a fact checker and researcher for authors. I also did computer maintence for very small networks at very small businesses and non-profits.
Our (now adult) son is schizophrenic, and our (now adult) daughter had the disposition of possibly running wild. We could not give her the opportunity, and he needed supervision. Kids don’t need a parent at home just when they are small. And as Paul pointed out, somebody has to teach CCD, work Girl Scouts, and all that stuff.
I did work full time once our son had a place to supervise him, and our daughter went to college. I worked through 2000, then took off when my daughter needed “help” with her kids (little did I know they’d become my kids). I went back to work in 2005. I took off the past six months because I left my job at Old School, which was part time pay for a full time job, with too much abuse. I promised myself I would not go back into the elementary school environment because of it. I am just looking at a job more than 15 hours a week because my DH has been sick, and he won’t fully recover until at least next February. I have other lines of income, rather than looking at a job as the be-all and end-all of my existence.
If your DH is pointing out to you that there is no flat panel TV in the living room and you drive beater cars, then probably he has had contact with somebody or somebodies at work whose wife or wives work. This means he has a case of the “wants” and not what you need.
If he’s complaining about a grad degree, there are ways to get that, a little at a time, by saving and then paying for the courses as he takes them.
If he is complaining your line of income must be outside the home at a forty hour a week job, he is having feelings of insecurity. That’s he way it looks to me, anyway.
You do not need to get a grad degree just because he wants one. I don’t have one, even though my DH does. He tried talking me into it several times. I do have advanced networking and computer platform certificates. They did not cost nearly what his MA cost, and paid for themselves within 2 months of earning each of them. It took five years for the MA to pay for itself.
But you are NOT lazy if you do not work outside the home. I defy your DH to do all you do as a SAHM, AND go to work a full forty hours. He would collaspe in a couple of weeks, tops. As to your potential- You are a child of God. I think you live up to that admirably.
IF IT WERE ME, and it is not, I would ask him what is really bothering him. I would have the evidence ready to show him that he could easily go back for his PhD part time, starting by setting aside so much a month to pay for the first course. I would not let him use those fallacies of you not working up to your potential, or not “having” like other people, or (and this is one he hasn’t thought up yet) it not being what “every” woman does today in the 21st century. I certainly wouldn’t go along with obtaining a grad degree just because he is!