God is with you, he is the greatest Shepherd… bringing in his lost lambs and holding them close. I pray you will be moved by the Holy Spirit and feel God’s loving arms all aound you. For I know, YOU ARE LOVED;)
We are all given crosses to bear in this life on earth ( each of us have crosses that only we can carry, and everybody else’s look easier to us, I get that), carry your crosses and leave the suffering, the hopelessness at the foot of Jesus Christ’s cross.
Most times the bad things cannot be explained or even make sense here on earth, remember our purpose here… to gain Eternal Life in Heaven. Sometimes the road is rocky and steep, put it in perspective to the road Jesus walked and as he said in Matthew, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Our struggles don’t really seem to compare to Jesus, he came to earth knowing he would ridiculed, mocked, crucified and descend into Hell for 3 days That verse gets me through some of the worst times. . (i.e Watching my 37 year-old sister die of brain cancer while her husband was abusing her and having affairs; my husbands pyscotic breaks and suicide attempts; feeling like I am the rug which everyone in the community wipes their feet on…) Also, I read the Psalms when I feel overcome with dispair. They have opened my eyes, once I saw how God used my boss as a shield against co-workers who wanted me to loose my job (only because of those verses in Psalms) .
Keep fighting the good fight, I’ve learned to accept and obey—and I know it’s very, very hard to do. Keep praying and asking for help. He does answer AND sometimes in very clear ways; he gave me a flashing billboard the other day in response to a problem that was filling me with turmoil. He answered me and I found peace. And the answer wasn’t the easy way, I was told to keep enduring my difficult, crumbling marriage… I am trying and it is very hard to obey my Lord and Savior.
God Bless you…you are not the only one out there with these feelings. ( Forgive about the length, but I feel we have much in common.)