Not sure why really, just feeling sad …I prayed the Chaplet today, and Rosary–and still feel blue about these issues. I dont know why really, just don’t know what God wants for my husband and me. My husband has been flip flopping on the whole ‘having another baby’ discussion. We agreed that we would just pray about it, and discuss it ‘at the end of Q1’ remember that?:o Well, a few nights ago he said that ‘he didn’t think it was a good idea for us to have another baby…’ to last night saying…‘I prayed for God to enlighten me on understanding the church’s teachings, and about having a baby.’ In both instances, I have said nothing…I know that he is discerning, like me, and I don’t want to debate with him. In the meantime, we still have to learn NFP/take a class, or we will end up pregnant–whether he likes it or not.
Then, I dumped that job opportunity (remember that recruiter who sought me out?)–well, didn’t dump it exactly. But, I canceled my second meeting with the second set of managers that I needed to see, before Christmas week, and told the guy to touch base with me after the holidays. My reason was that with the holidays approaching, and several unexpected meetings the week prior to Christmas, I thought it best if we postpone our meeting. He never replied to my voicemail–nor to my email. I thought that was rude–at least say…ok, talk to you after the holidays. I’m not contacting them anymore. The initial person I met with, told me I could take all the time I need…that this was an open door opportunity. Right. Truthfully, in part, I canceled, because I thought about having another baby, and how my current employer would be more understanding of that… Now, I’m not sure if we will be having a baby at all.
I just feel sad today. I am grateful for my life, my family, my faith–I felt a sense of calm after praying today–and last night at mass–I felt a sense of calm…of peace. Compared to others in the world, even some on this board, my ‘problems’ seem dumb and silly. But, I dunno…I just feel sad about it all…I am normally an upbeat type person, so feeling like this…just feels so out of sorts for me.
Not even sure what to ask you to pray for me–but just wanted to share this, and perhaps, you could keep me in your prayers…Thanks.