Feeling unwelcomed


#1

So I went to my new church that features a young adult group, but when I tried talking to my fellow Catholics. I had a sense of them wanting to avoid me, so I got depressed, and I’m not sure if I should even attempt to make friends. I have some trouble at home as well, so I’m not in high spirits to say the least.


#2

Please do not give up. Keep asking, seeking, and knocking.
Trying to help with Church activities like the Vincent de Paul Society.
I’m a Knight of Columbus. We meet from time to time.
And I join with the activities, many of which raise money for charity.
Peace and warm regards.


#3

I’m also part of knight’s of Columbus, but the knights never inform me of any event to do. I’m not sure why. Though I’m not sure, like sometimes I just feel, that I can’t ever seem to fit in for some reason.


#4

Since they were already established, they might be just a bit wary of you. Should they be?

No.

Go back and just sit and listen. Interact when necessary, or when asked.

Give it time - all relationships take time.


#5

Jesus didn’t really “fit” in His world.

Absolutely true. Invest in helping others in the K of C or church, or wherever. Over time, people accept those who show a humility of spirit.

All my life, I haven’t ever really fit in with the people I wanted to. Funny thing is that I have found many places where I do fit, that I never expected in the first place.
Shalom


#6

Alot of people lose their spirits in social settings when it seems unwelcoming, but dont feel discouraged. Maybe try going to another location close by, if that isnt available then it will be important to recognize the situation and learn to call God’s strength to help you.

Maybe doing personal studies with a commentary will help, it builds the faith so when we have these discouraging moments we can be ready for our tests and relationship with our Lord. When I get this way, because I have these moments alot also, I look for prayer and study scripture and that helps keep my mind stable when Im sad.


#7

So I should just hang back, and let them talk?
I kinda feel awkward of just standing there, and doing nothing. Also, I felt discouraged, that everyone knows each other from their HS or College. So I guess they should be wary.


#8

I’m not sure where to start tbh.


#9

You will find dedicated friends if you can find or start the following, I have;
going back twenty years. But finding friends wasn’t my intent.
Evangelizing and standing up for justice has been my intent.


And I’m also part of a Sat. morning prayer group praying in front of an abortion facility.
I found about it in 1998, twenty years ago.
I’m also part of 40 Days For Life, where a lot of Catholics across the land are involved.
Finding or starting something like this is worthwhile.
So many are reticent about it; and this, by reports across the land;
instead of finding compassionate ways to raise awareness so many find
reasons to be silent about the elephant in the room.
Sad, really. Silence never ended an oppression. And prophets like
John Paul ii, John Cardinal O’Conner, Bishop Fulton J. Sheen and Mother Teresa,
inspired by the Holy Spirit, certainly encouraged and exhorted sustained
compassionate Gospel courage to always raise awareness.


#10

Keep trying - with an open heart -
Don’t get depressed over that - they may be feeling you out - who you are…

Keep saying hello :stuck_out_tongue: as Jesus told us to do…
not - to say hello - to people who we already know, what reward is that ?

And you don’t want someone with a huge smile and wide open arms - all eager - either.

Nice share !


#11

Give it time. It’s not like the instant web connections that are made. Maybe consider something else as well, like altar serving, or greeting or handing bulletins out. Once you are a familiar, friendly face, they will warm up. Especially so if it’s a small town.


#12

If you get involved in helping with some activity, or providing something cheap/ free that people want, all of a sudden folks will seek you out and get to know you.
Have you considered something small like baking cookies, taking them to a meeting and saying, “I’m new here and I’m looking to meet people and make friends so as an incentive, I brought cookies”. Then talk to people who come to get a cookie. This has worked for me and others when we’re in some new place where we know no one.


#13

That reminds of me of something that I did once, I never thought about doing it. Then what should I do, because next week the parish will go hiking, what should I do to not be awkward?


#14

Everybody is awkward on a hike. Find someone hiking alone and talk to them. Offer to help with anything that needs help. Don’t neglect to chat with people who aren’t your age. If you have to, think of yourself as doing a role play or an acting role where you play an outgoing person and just play the part. It will become natural over time.

“I acted ‘as if’ until I was.”


#15

This question surfaces every few months. I would invite the OP to look at earlier threads. Clearly it’s a real problem since it keeps coming up.


#16

It is the same as fitting into any social situation. Don’t overthink it.


#17

I’ll wait until next week then, and see what will happen. Thank you everyone for your advice, I did a previous post about my situation about fitting in. I guess, even Jesus had a hard time with his hometown.

@erikaspirit16 Yeah, I mean I guess it is a problem, for me it’s not really easy to be a millennial and be religious, since my age group isn’t that friendly towards religion.

@Holyspirit I usually tend to overthink things, and I do get self conscious about it as well, but I can’t really help it.


#18

I’m the same way. My mind be can be my greatest enemy. Ruminating is frequent, and I can complicate getting a glass of water.

You are not alone.


#19

I was out at a religious function yesterday with a bunch of millennials (all of whom seemed to be converts telling conversion stories) hanging out with each other. I was trying to pray and they were being noisy but I set that aside because the Church needs them and I’m sure Jesus was pleased at their exuberance. Anyway, I am so old I’m not even sure if I’m boom, post boom or Gen X, but one of these kids barged on me while I was praying on my knees because he thought my rosary was so cool and wanted to show me his. Which led to a short conversation. So that’s something else you can try. “I really like your rosary” or cross or t-shirt with a religious theme, etc. Get them to talk about themselves and where they got it etc. If you get people talking about themselves they tend to be receptive.


#20

Well, your sense of being avoided could be a hypersensitivity - you don’t say much, but it sounds like this was the first meeting. As none of us had the opportunity to observe your interactions with others, how are we to know?

Or perhaps it was your approach. Did you ask questions and try to get to know any of them? Or did you focus on what was your perceived issue(s)?

I am not interested in trying to brow beat you; but I happen to have been around the block more than a couple of times (I am 72) and have learned one or two things about meeting a new group.

The first thing is that most people Will be interested in you if you show that you are interested in them. And that means that you take a good amount of time trying to get to know them. How? Asking questions - lots of them, and that can be easily done without prying into their private affairs and thoughts.

Coupled with that is that many, if not most people are turned off by someone who comes into the group new, and proceeds to tell anyone and everyone their woes. Most don’t react positively to that at all.

A third issue is someone who comes in, and appears to expect that either one or more of the group are going to descend upon the newbie, plying them will all sorts of questions. The group has been together for some time; they have established friendships, so it is no surprise that they will tend to talk among themselves. Occasionally there may be a “meet and greet” person - either because they were appointed to do so, or because that is their personality, and they may take the newbie in and get to know them. But expecting a group to have such a person is a way of setting false expectations.

Why did you go to a young adults group? Because you wanted to be wanted, or because you wanted to know new people and learn about them?

Things are rough at home… I can understand - been there, done that - and unless someone is a close friend, I have found that most people are not interested in it. Many decades ago, I was shy and feeling sorry for myself, and was looking for a pity party. Someone got hold of me and jacked me up, explaining in rather plain English that no one was interested in joining my party. I have no idea if this is part of the issue, but it might be worth exploring.

You have given me two groups which don’t seem to be overly interested in you. One, I could understand, Two starts to look a bit like a pattern. I may sound harsh, but I would wish to give you tools to change that. It is a bit of a “Dutch uncle” talk; someone gave me one a long time ago, and yes, it hurt my feelings; but I also realized they were spot on. Perhaps my post may help in turning things around.


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