Feeling unworthy


#1

Last night while attending Midnight Mass I was overwhelmed with a sense of unworthiness. I so much yearned for the opportunity to offer up such a beautiful Sacrifice on the carefully adorned High Altar, and yet I did not pay attention to every detail of the Holy Feast. Instead, looking at the Tabernacle the only thing I whispered to Jesus was not a sincere ‘Happy Birthday’ but that ‘I would like to become a priest if called’.

Then after going home and seeing a post by my spiritual director on Facebook I was so jealous of his successful ministry, and I was thinking like, ‘How could I become a cordial, down-to-the-Earth priest? Well see how short and ugly I am, how devoid of virtues I am, and how can I be worthy of the call? See how many imperfections I can already think of which can impede my pastoral work!’

Envy stirred my emotions which led to deliberate sin…‘Well,’ I thought, ‘Jesus must have known I will sin. Why did He still love me? Why did my spiritual director affirm my Vocation (when I don’t think I have)? Why me?’ ‘Well, if you think you are so unworthy then why not stop thinking of Vocation?’ I began to lapse into baby temper tantrums, ‘NO WAY! IF Jesus really had called me I REALLY WANT IT! LOL…’

See how childish I am! I have committed the sin of impurity recently in similar occasions of ‘self-destructive’ unworthiness… I always lose my temper (in my mind) like a child pulling the shirt of papa and mama mumbling nonsense…:confused::o


#2

You can only move forward. Confess your sins, resolve to not commit them again, and then forget them. Don’t let your shortcomings get in the way of your journey toward greater holiness. Also, remember that you can’t go at it alone :wink:

As humans stained by original sin, we are all inherently unworthy. That’s where God comes in; He sees where we’re stumbling, and then picks us up. We make the mistake of viewing God as the end goal, forgetting that He is also our Guide and our Helper. Don’t be afraid to approach Him and ask for help.


#3

You offered yourself, your whole self, to Jesus to be a priest. And you are humble and aware of the priesthood as a calling, to act for Christ, not to “get to be” a priest. How wonderful! And thank you for listening to Him; we really need more priests.

As someone who wants to walk in the path of God, you are more of an enemy to the devil. Satan will send his little soul-killing assasins after you and put all these ideas in front of your imagination. Do not invite them in! Just because you have a fleeting thought does not mean you have sinned, it’s when you give in to it. Pray every time you notice those types of thoughts! Pray to St Michael the Archangel for his protection.

As to becoming like your spiritual director: how wonder you have such a great role model. Watch him, see what he does differently than you, and start practicing :slight_smile: Remember, too, that you will be a different priest from him in many ways: God has called you because you are *you, *not him.

Merry Christmas!


#4

Remember what we say just before receiving Communion at Mass: Lord, I am not worthy… but only say the word and my soul shall be healed." NO ONE is “worthy.” We all need to pray for the grace of God. You recognize this, which leads me to think you might be a sensitive and sympathetic confessor someday… Keep praying.


closed #5

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