Feeling very depressed at the moment

I feel so depressed right now :frowning: I realise that the depression problem should be solved and I’m trying to get the courage to see a doctor, but until then the only thing that makes me happy is talking about fashion (and it’s not like seeing a doctor will change how I feel immediately anyways), like the necklace I’m getting at Christmas, and no one wants to talk to me about it :frowning: I am desperately unhappy, like I said hobbies and friends don’t cheer me up at all, I’m going to a meetup tomorrow in another city, should be exciting but I could care less…

I really want to talk about the necklace and not just me: I saw a nice necklace. person: yeah that looks nice changes topic I want people to say something like, “That necklace looks like it would go with a white shirt, what are your thoughts?” “I can see you wearing that necklace on a cruise, do you agree?” “If you were having dinner with someone and they saw your necklace, how do you think the conversation would go?”

I was so desperate that I went on Craigslist thinking I would offer to do stuff with someone in exchange that they would pretend to be interested so we could talk about it for 15 min. And I saw this guy’s post on there “I’m looking to meet a cute girl for a father-daughter type relationship. I’d like to take you out for a meal, treat you to nice days out and hear about your life - be an older role model for you. In exchange, I hope you’d be good to me too :-)”

So I thought wow he would listen to me talking about topics I want to talk about but it sounds like I might not have to have sex with him. When I contacted him he said I don’t have to have sex with him and we can just be friends. But he says stuff that makes me uncomfortable like he calls me babe and sweetie and hun and he told me that I looked curvy and also he obviously sees the father thing in a fetish way, I thought maybe he just means like he wants to mentor a younger woman but he sees it in a fetish way, he says stuff like Daddy will tuck you in if you’re a good girl and that makes me feel uncomfortable. But I am desperate to have someone to listen to me talk about the necklace because for me that symbolises hope and happiness, I don’t even want someone to say well it won’t solve anything, well at least I believe it will solve something so I can be happy for a few seconds with that thought! Like I said I haven’t seen a doctor yet and when I do it’ll be a while before I feel better!

I am willing to put up with the guy saying inappropriate things because honestly I would be willing to do anything to have someone listen to me about the necklace, when I talk about it I have a relief from my depression. But I feel like the guy doesn’t care because he said he has to see me on cam to make sure I’m real, and I told him I really hate cam can we just meet in person, but he insists we have to cam. So I offered to do it today but he said he wants to do it tomorrow and I wanted to talk to him about the necklace today but he won’t talk to me until he sees me on cam although he is around, which shows he doesn’t care, it’s not my fault he can’t cam today. If he cared he’d talk to me and just cam tomorrow, the fact that I offered to do it today shows I’m real.

Make an appointment to talk with a psychologist - do it today, right now!
Bring your post with you and let her read it so she knows where you are coming from without having to reexplain it all.

Then talk to her about the necklace, bring a picture of it if you can.
As you talk she will be able to understand your needs and trace it to the source of your depression.

You will get the outlet you feel you need.
Most important you will keep yourself safe from a man who want’s to “be your daddy”. Do not see this man, he only has his own interests in mind and they are obviously of a sexual/fetish nature.

^^^^^^^ This!

I shall be praying for you.

You are wrong. Talking about your obsession about a necklace is no more a relief for your depression than another drink is a relief of alcoholism. A little hair of the dog will not heal you. Whatever spirit is telling you that is lying to you.

You have a father who loves you. What could possibly possess you to want to find some stranger on the internet to take his place in your life?

Why does it not occur to you that other people ought to be no more interested in talking about your obsession with a thing than you are in talking to them as persons? Why does it surprise you that the only interest you are garnering is from people who want to look at YOU as an object?

You are talking not just as if you are depressed, but also as if you are almost impossibly self-centered. You dream of getting the admiration of people you don’t want as friends. Why? You dream of having people think about your beauty long after you are out of sight. Why? You obsess about getting someone to hear you obsessing about something that is never going to make you happy, and you have no idea why this might turn them off. Put two and two together!! Don’t be surprised that what you are attracting are people who are only interested in you in their own totally self-centered and wrong-headed sort of way. I am afraid that you (all) are responding to a very human and normal hunger for connection with others and a normal desire to take joy in the beauties of the world, and seeking to satisfy those hungers in ways that are bound to frustrate your hunger and leave you more hungry than ever. You dear girl, the thing you are pursuing to feed yourself is only making you more starved!

You are not going to be happy but only more and more lonely until you learn to value the welfare of someone other than yourself, to rejoice in beauty outside and beyond yourself. You could become the world’s most famous supermodel, with your poster plastered over bedrooms everywhere, and this would still be true. Without love and true friendships, the emptiness that torments you will still be there. That is because the best thing you have to offer others is not an obsession over things that can be owned. It is not a desire to be the center of attention. The best thing you have to offer others, the thing you will accumulate in abundance the more you give it away, is your love, your caring, and your friendship.

You are obsessing over a thing that you imagine will garner you the connection you long for, but which in reality will only get between you and others. This is not because the thing is a bad thing, but because you desire it in a bad way, for the wrong reasons and with a wrong-headed priority. That is why pride and every kind of self-centeredness is a sin, because it works against charity and fellowship. Self-absorption puts walls between the self-absorbed person, God, and neighbor, which does not work because we are fashioned to be joined to others in loving and self-forgetful connection.

It is totally OK to love fashion and to love beautiful things. The world’s artists enrich the expression of our humanity. When it expresses our connection to God and neighbor, art is a sharing in the creative and giving imagination of God. The thing is, though, that if you don’t use your love of beauty to serve your love of others, your misplaced sense of priorities will stifle it, and warp what is otherwise a good thing, and you will suffer more than anyone else as a result.

I do not think you are a bad person. My heart goes out to you. I do not want you to feel shame, but to see that you are set on a path that is leading directly away from where you long to go. Your heart’s desire is fine, but it lies in a direction opposite of the one you have chosen. Get yourself some guidance, don’t be too hard on yourself, but get used to the idea that your happiness does not lie in the way you have chosen, and there is nothing you can do and no person you can meet that will force reality to be other than what I’m telling you.

It is not what you want to hear, but it is the truth. To choose happiness, choose to hear the truth.

:thumbsup:

There are treatments for depression. If you had a broken leg, would you even hesitate to see a doctor? Why would this be any different? There’s no shame in getting help if one needs it. You’d be surprised how many people are in a similar situation insofar as depression is concerned.

Further, I’ve even had depression, at least in part, due to other reasons…for instance, I found out a time ago I had hypothyroidism. Then, I was in menopause. So, there are a lot of physical causes for it, as well. You need to work on getting to the bottom of this.

Depression also even runs in some people’s families. It’s very individual, so any advice we might have, though well intentioned, would not necessarily be applicable, or helpful, to your specific situation.

I’ve been helped through medication and counseling, and working on the causes of the depression…getting out and socializing more, doing more activities, meeting people, finding work that is rewarding and satisfying to me.

Yeah, don’t be shy about getting help. There’s no shame in it, and perhaps, you might feel at least some relief with treatment. Good luck! :slight_smile:

I think Easter Joy is very wise and has told you what you need to know. If you look back at many responses that she has made in your threads you will see that she has been leading you in the right direction.

In your other thread about this necklace and the shirt you are interested in there were a few responses that praised them. If that is not enough and you really want to discuss the necklace, I see by an internet search there are forums dedicated to discussions about fashion. The one that came up first on Google was Fashion Spot. It looks pretty good. I only took a quick look at it. I just want to suggest looking at something like that and then seeing how you feel. You are on Catholic Answers quite a bit and perhaps it is easy to get frustrated since this is a place where the discussions are not centered on your passion, but on less material matters.

Years ago when I discovered discussion forums existed on the internet, I stumbled upon a forum that focused on Disney related topics, in particular Disneyland. Well, that was wonderful because I loved talking about these subjects and it also helped me learn some things for park visits. Then I stumbled upon a travel forum and got into giving advice to travelers who where planning trips to Disneyland and other places I love in Southern California. So I started using what I was very interested in to help out others. I also learned from others. I even met and became friends with a couple of other people who had a passion for theme parks. The cool thing is too, I got invited to a private event (free) at an area theme park through them.

This was a great outlet for me, as many in my family did not want to hear about Disneyland or another area park I grew up going to and love. I would often feel like an overgrown kid when I brought up the subject with some of my family. I also felt good helping other people because I did not have a job and was feeling down about my prospects. When I was helping others I felt like I had a job.

My point is that maybe it might help to try fashion forums just to chat about your passion with others who have the same interests and see where it leads. Be really careful about giving personal information to others right away, though.

Another thought I have is I think it might be good for you to be with family again if you are living alone. I remember you mentioned in another thread your parents are living in California and you are living in Taiwan (previously England). Hope I have this correct. You wrote that your mother, at least, with visit Taiwan soon. I don’t know your family situation, but just from reading your threads I think it would be a good idea if you could move to live with your parents. It is hard for a young lady alone and I think you could benefit greatly from guidance and closer family connections.

Lastly, if you desire counseling, you really don’t need a doctor or psychiatrist. That, to me, us going a bit overboard and so expensive that you may just put it off or not go. Just a good counselor will do just fine to listen and help. Someone with a master’s degree is fine. If that counselor feels you need more, they will refer you. If there is a Catholic Charties office where you live, call them.

There is a difference between having depression and feeling depressed. You are saying you are depressed and I think that others may be thinking you are suffering from a clinical depression that needs treatment by a doctor. Are you just feeling very down, bored, lonely, like no one is interested in what you are interested in?

Internet forums are a good place to find like-minded people who are interested in your hobbies.

Yes, I’d say that a counselor is a good place to start. They can screen you and suggest whether a psychiatrist is a good idea.

Darknight thanks, when I talk to someone I WILL bring the necklace and explain how I feel thank you for the encouragement!!!

Cheezey thanks for praying!!!

Easter, the truth is looking at pictures of the necklace do make me feel better, there have been several studies done that show that depressed women often shop because it increases endorphins in their brain. Reading those articles made me understand why I’m so obsessed with fashion. I can’t talk to my dad about it because he’s not interested in fashion and he’ll just ***** about the price since he is the one paying for it. I can understand that most people aren’t interested in fashion or hearing about the same thing, it’s normal really…But it’s what I need at the moment. I have always been very vain about my appearance, you’re absolutely right about that. So what’s your suggestion about becoming less vain? Right now I think I’m extremely beautiful which is not difficult with other women telling me how jealous they are of my looks etc, how do I get to the point where I think I look average or should that be my goal? I’m confused here.

Carol thanks for taking the time to look up the Fashion Spot. I applied for it 2 weeks ago. It looks like one of the fashion boards online that is active but there is a waiting list _ I post an a forum that’s very inactive. There seems to be a forum called the purse forum or something like that but the people on there seem to have as much money as I do which would annoy me, here’s my vanity rearing its ugly head again but it ruins it for me if I don’t stand out. That’s really good of you to help people with their vacations and it must have been quite fulfilling :slight_smile: I don’t know what a Catholic charities office. Please tell me if there is one in Taiwan…I do live near a neighbour sometimes (I live in 2 cities in Taiwan) and she is like a grandmother to me:)

When I say I’m depressed I have felt this way for 9 years (the first 6 years without reprieve) (relationships also were something that made the depression temporarily go away - my theory is that they, like shopping, also release more endorphins than regular things like hanging out with friends and hobbies). When I was in uni, it meant I could barely move and the idea of going to getting up and going to class seemed impossibly difficult. Physically plausible but I had a mentle block. I felt unhappy and hopeless all the time. Right now small tasks seem too much for me as well but I do socialise because it kills time and it’s somewhat enjoyable.

What is your relationship with God at the moment, if you’re comfortable with sharing?

The idea isn’t that you ought to think you are not good-looking or not care how you look at all. The idea is that you think about yourself in general a lot less, in favor of thinking about others. For instance, you might start thinking that you are using your dad by hitting him up for money and yet not wanting to return the favor by spending time with him listening to him talk about things that interest him because you love him. You might want to show your gratitude…how many of those compliments you get would be coming your way without his help? IOW, the whole world does not revolve around you, and very few people who think it does revolve around them are happy people.

Do get yourself some help. No matter how you become depressed, learning to cope with this tendency is very hard to do alone. I have gone through some depression myself, and I will warn you that it is a little like a trick knee. You’re going to have to do some rehab and you’re going to have to concern yourself with re-injury. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but probably not something you’re going to “cure” and never experience again. Maybe you will, but probably you’ll have to learn to listen to your body and take care of yourself on this point.

hi,
well, i have been following all the posts with interest…i think people on the forum can be helpful-to provide advice-and prayer…

i do get depressed/ the solution for me is sometimes to help some one…even volunteering to do things- sometimes i like to really see the results of my action-doing something as simple as opening a door for someone…where i live this is a social politeness…

if i pray-for that special favor of God that you want from your heart’s desire…So in the mystery of faith-all things unseen-i believe you will receive it; logically as you would expect-a person sometimes has to look at the “gift giver.” I will request from Mother Mary-what your heart desires; i do not really have to read or hear your heart’s desire/ Mother Mary will take care of you…expect me to be praying for you for the next two days…God Bless

Bomb, the relationship between me and God is that I read the Bible daily and I pray as well, and church. I didn’t go today though because I was attending a meetup.

Easter, ah sometimes I was not clear. I do listen to my dad and my friends talk about what they’re interested in. I very infrequently bring up stuff about myself, but when I do, it’s usually fashion related, and they can’t relate so they just change the topic. I actually have been very beautiful for a long time and makeup and expensive clothes only enhances my beauty. I’m very sorry that you’ve gone through depression as well. It seems pretty common.

Hi David sorry to hear you get depressed sometimes as well, you are great and generous to volunteer to help others <3 Thank you so much for praying :slight_smile:

Last night I could not fall asleep until past 4 am because I was not feeling great and I woke up at 9 am sigh. It was really a struggle to get myself to go to the meetup, I really did not want to go because I was feeling awful but I didn’t want to let the people down. 5 men told me that I was ugly. I was at a drinks place and I ordered a drink from a guy and asked him can you please bring it when it’s ready, and he said, No get it yourself. Then 3 guys asked for their seat back on the train because it was their seat. Then I asked for milk and sugar with my tea at another drinks place and the manager got mad at me for asking for it when I didn’t buy the tea there (I bought cake).

The fact is that men would give up their seat and their life for beautiful women, also they would walk 10 miles barefoot on rocky terrain to deliver a drink to a beautiful woman, and also managers would give the whole store’s deed and stocks to a good looking woman so it’s like thank you so much for telling me i’m ugly. I know I’m good looking, whenever I look in the mirror I am amazed that I was blessed with such astounding beauty and honestly if I had never seen myself I would not have believed it was possible for someone to be so beautiful. However it still depresses me when people don’t respect and bow down to my immense beauty.

Easter Joy’s advice is both sound and wise. Other post try valiantly to get you out of your depression and you lead them by the nose with promises of going to counselling with pictures of your necklace. I myself have felt sorry for you and offered in my own small way to assist you in talking about fashion.I am afraid that I fell into the trap thinking that you were just a shallow vain person looking at the wrong forum for help.
But after reading your posts overall especially about your considered reaction to what men would do for a beautiful woman and your almost idolatrous description of your beauty, I am calling you out as a silly manipulative woman having a laugh at good people trying to help you. What do you think of them there apples?

Petaro you are kind to have let me talk about fashion and I AM going to see a doctor and will post about it afterwards. I am not manipulating or insincere, this is how I truly feel. I know I’m a bit too obsessed with beauty.

dear doglover2, I hope you go soon. Realise that we all care for you, if you are sincere. There has been excellent posts showing both wisdom and care. Take heed and get help with the depression. God Bless.

Petaro thank you for caring. This is what happened with the guy I mentioned. Today he said he would have to have sex with me so I said to him look I really need to talk to someone about fashion because usually people only talk about it for 2 min so if you are willing to do that then I am willing to have sex with you. Like I said I was desperate. But I felt disgusted by his stupid comments like how I’m curvy and stupid sexual stuff.

But the straw that broke the camel’s back was that he said he wanted me to go to his city. Well I told him I go to the gym in Taichung every week which takes me more than 1 hour on the train. I explained that I hate the train and that it makes me carsick (or maybe I said that about the bus, still that shows I get carsick). He lives 30 min away from Taichung and he only works sporadically. He said that just because I’m not working I have to go to his city, just because I’m not working doesn’t mean I don’t value my time (and it’s about getting carsick more than it is about time), even homeless people value their time. This is what I said to him before blocking him:

Look Nick we are not going to Miaoli I told you I would only have sex with you so that I can talk about fashion you knew full well I don’t want to have sex for sex’s sake and there is a LOT that I would have put up with but I have to put my foot down somewhere stop telling me what to do think about other people for once you said you studied psychotherapy then how come it isn’t obvious to you that I am depressed and shopping is the only thing that makes me feel better and that’s why I was willing to do anything to get my “fix” of talking about it, for the record I’m going to see a doctor soon not that you care but I just have to end this now because it is super uncool of you to try to make me do stuff I don’t want to do when you already know originally that I only offered to have sex with you in order to talk about fashion if you did not get that then you need new glasses goodbye

Forgive me, but I think you are what we would call in America “stuck up”! I am amazed at your conceit and self centeredness. But then again, I think perhaps you have been playing games with us.

Sorry, I for one no longer believe your crazy stories, nor what you have said about how you want to live.

No problem if you don’t believe me, God know that I’m telling the truth:)

Having a passion for something while your depressed is a GOOD thing. When I went to group therapy for my depression I was told that someone who suffers from depression but has a hobby or passion is less likely to hurt themselves, take too drastic of measures or comit suicide. I think it’s a great thing. And if you want someone to talk about fashion with then feel free to send me a message because I live to get to know people and talk :slight_smile:

Now on another note. Please remember vanity is a sin. There is nothing wrong with being confidant with yourself but saying “I can’t believe how beautiful I am” is vanity. And expecting others to bow to your beauty is leanding others into idol worship.

Simply put I encourage your passions but please examin your feelings and make sure that you are not commiting the sin of vanity or causing others to sin.

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