First, good job on being a virgin! Seriously. You have no idea how wonderful of a gift that you have.
Problem #1 I see, is that you are going to bars to meet women. Right? I’d love to send you a link to a dating expert, but I wonder if I’m allowed. Anyway, according to his team’s research (yes, he makes a living by getting men to date women), bars are known as a “hostile environment” when meeting people. You will have a less than 1% chance of pulling anything off. Would you want to?
The strongest way to meet the woman you intend to date is through friends. When someone introduces you to a woman, the mystery “is it safe” is broken by having you friend give that unspoken “A-OK” via an introduction.
If this won’t happen to you, which doesn’t for most, then go out and meet women. Always be ready to go on a “date.” Be clean, showered, groomed, dressed. If you go out in your beer drinking shirt (I know you said you don’t drink), smell like you haven’t showerd in a week, haven’t combed your hair since high school, then you’re not going to meet anyone. Basic hygeine, dress well (not stupid expensive!) and always be ready to meet someone.
Message me a private deal, and I’ll give you contact for this dating expert for the full scoop. He’s been doing it for over 15 years, and has an international business out of it.
When you find a woman, does she share your religion? This is the biggest factor, I believe. I have had countless failed relationships or outright trainwrecks because the answer was “no.”
How do you meet a woman of your same religion? Church groups, after Mass meet and greets, religious dating sites that you pay for (if she pays, she’s interested in finding someone TOO). You just have to get out there, and put your face in the open.
Problem #2, chastity.
This one’s harder. It takes communication with her up front. You have to establish what parts of the body you two feel comfortable touching, how you feel comfortable kissing, and how much physical contact is Ok. Meeting in public, and hanging out with mutual friends is always advised. If you feel like you have to jump on her and have sex right now, back off a notch and go home. The next time you see that cue, that indicator, come up, back off and go home. This will keep you from entering a state of sin.
I cannot express in better detail that COMMUNICATION is the key. What is a mortal sin for one person isn’t for another. You and she need to define what is Ok. If one of you crosses a bound, apologize and continue dating. If you’re truly in love, you’ll forgive each other for a slip. Just because you kiss her for 1 second longer than allowable DOESN’T mean you should break up. Communicate, come to same terms, forgive, and move on. True love will lead you to marriage.
PRAY! Ask God for help. Petition the Saints to pray with/for you. The more the better! She needs to pray too. Pray for Chastity. Pray together and separate to remain chaste. Prayer is an amazing under-appreciated and under-utilized tool of the faith.
Did that help a little?