[quote="jasminepetal, post:1, topic:251079"]
My fiance and I both believe that the husband should be the head, such as in Ephesians 5:21-33. But we've both allowed this to become a type of fetish when we're tempted to be sexual. Although we haven't had sex, he will spank me, hold me and tickle me, and has said things like that I am lower than him because I'm a woman and that Eve sinned first and that's why women are weaker/lower than men. He's also said that I need to be disciplined, but always in a sexual context.
It's hard to tell when he's kidding or not, and it didn't bother me much until now because the dominating behavior would arouse me and also because I trust him and he shows me that he loves me in other situations.
I know that we shouldn't be sexual with each other until we're married. I really want to show my love for God by following through with this abstinence.
Most importantly, I've felt God telling me that this type of behavior is wrong, even after we're married. Since it has been arousing to me, too, it might be a struggle, but I'd rather not continue in this way.
I'd really like some advice on how to talk about this with my fiance...
Thank you so much.
OK, well, two things.
First, in the context of marriage, I don't necessarily see anything wrong with dominant sexual behaviors in men (or submissive ones in women). To some extent these are just reflections of the natural sexual role the sexes play with one another, and exaggerating them can be (I think) a legitimate source of arousal. So long as a wife is comfortable with having these things done and said to her (in private), that is, so long as they are understood to be a kind of "roleplaying" confined to the bedroom, I don't see why they should be a problem. If it is making you really uncomfortable, that's something you should talk about.
(More importantly, I don't really see this as a "fetish." When I think of a fetish I think of something that is not conducive to the end of the sexual act; something that arouses you, provided that arousal is understood to be a precursor to the legitimate sexual act, is I think just fine).
Second, that said, you're not married. Your fiancee should not be touching or talking to you as if you were. He should, in fact, not be arousing himself or you to inordinate lust. I think it would be better to hold off on the dirty talk (and dirty play) until your wedding night.