[quote=TarAshly] It irritates me, he wont even fight with ME! he maintains a low voice he never gets angry over anything. i wish he would be a LITTLE more aggresive, and stand up for himself a little more! i dont know what to do!
how do i bring this to his attention without hurting his feelings and get my point across, we have two different temper levels, mine is hard headed southern firecracker volitle, and his is calm and maintained. i CANT STAND THIS! please help!
You sound exactly like my husband and I…it is eerie, lol. We had a lot of fights about this very issue for the first few years of our marriage (and pretty much the whole time before our marriage).
I want to address your last comment/question:
we have two different temper levels, mine is hard headed southern firecracker volitle, and his is calm and maintained.
Now, it sounds like you would really love for him to change and be more like you… but do you see any value in becoming more like him as well?
I have your personality, and my husband has your fiance’s. I can tell you from experience that you will never change him… especially by using your “hardheaded firecracker” approach, lol.
I have learned alot from my husband in these 5 years of marriage, but the biggest thing I learned was that I am not always right, and my way is not the only way or the best way. It’s been a very tough lesson to learn.
Do we still have disagreements? DEFINITELY!!! Do we still have fights? DEFINITELY!!! But our attitudes have changed towards eachother.
I can totally understand your point about being broke and him spending more money than neccesary because he didn’t do what you would have done. And I can almost bet that he wishes he could stand up for himself more and be more like you…
BUT, he is never going to admit that with you rubbing it in his face when he makes a mistake. He will probably get very defensive and deliberately NOT stand up for himself next time just to spite you. Trust me, this can get ugly fast.
The best thing for you to do right now is find a way to vent your frustrations without doing it to/at him. Use these message boards if you have to…
Then you need to calmly have a conversation with him… you need to get on the same page and set some financial ground rules. This would also be a good time to set some “if someone says something bad about me you need to say something” rules.
But remember that marriage is an equal partnership. Even though he may seem to need a “mommy”, you have to be his wife. Once I realized that I was acting more like a mother than a wife and took steps to correct it, things got much better.
I hope this helps you in some way. Feel free to PM me if you’d like to chat