So my fiancé has a time share and wants me to come with him for the week.
We are both good young catholics (25 & 30)
But he is addiment that its not a big deal for us to stay in the same room separate beds when we go. (Without anyone else)
I am addiment that it is still temptation and its wrong.
Morally I know that in my heart its just not the right thing to do. But he really does not see it.
How can i help him to see its still putting ourselves into temptations to do the wrong things.
Iove him and want him to see.
So my fiancé has a time share and wants me to come with him for the week.
Just tell him you don’t want the rep that’ll go down with that kind of action. Tell him you don’t want to be seen as that kind of girl. And just tell him thanks. But no thanks. Done and done.
If he respects you at all he’ll drop it. Instead of pushing you into it.
But if he keep’s pushing? Good chance some midnight tiptoe’s on the agenda. So tell him to have a good time. And you’ll see him when he gets back. :rolleyes:
If he is a good young Catholic he will respect the wishes and honor of the woman he wishes to marry. If it makes you uncomfortable he should never push it.
You don’t need to prove anything to him. You just don’t go if you don’t feel it’s appropriate.
The question is, are the two of you enough on the same page to get married?
“Our honeymoon means so much to me that I just don’t want to do anything that might spoil it!”
“I really look forward to staying at the timeshare together when we are married!”
“Do you think we should move the wedding date up and make this timeshare week our honeymoon?”
Those are some things you might say.
If you are adamant that it is wrong, and that it is a temptation for you, then even if he thinks it is not, he should respect you. You should not have to convince him to respect your faith, especially if you are both “good Catholics.” Honestly, I see this as a bit of a problem.
As others have said, you simply explain you are not comfortable with it and would like to stay in separate rooms.
You can’t force someone to see something from your perspective. All you can do is respectfully state your case. He may need more time to reflect and pray in order to understand where you are coming from. Or he may simply never see it that way. However, he can and should respect you enough to not pressure you to do something you are uncomfortable with, regardless of whether or not he understands it.
I don’t think it’s wrong to sleep in the same room. But if you’re not comfortable with it, I think he needs to respect that.
I do not necessarily see anything wrong with you guys in separate bed as long as your thoughts remain pure. Placing oneself in a situation that could turn into an occasion for sin will depend on the couple.
When I was much younger a group of us, 5-6 males and females, were traveling together and we needed a cheap motel for the night. To save money, we got a single room and we all crammed in. Anyway, I got the comfortable mattress to lay on and one of the females in our group decided to lay on the same mattress, right next to me. It was all innocent, and I never had any impure thoughts. To this day I never considered it a close occasion for sin.
Your right to make such a “no go”. You should not be sharing the same room…your not married.
Also keep in mind - that engagement means that one is not yet married - and is a high time for discernment as to if the person is the right person. Too important to allow ones feelings to make one think they will change later…marriage is a serious vocation. More matters of Faith and Morals will come…
Knowing his ideas here are part of your discernment. I am not saying to break the engagement -but this is a sign of some important discussions and discernment to be had. I was engaged more than once before marriage. Engagement remains a time of discernment not just planning to marry.
2350 Those who are engaged to marry are called to live chastity in continence. They should see in this time of testing a discovery of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of receiving one another from God. They should reserve for marriage the expressions of affection that belong to married love. They will help each other grow in chastity.
I am also troubled by the lack of respect your fiancé is showing for your boundaries. I’d also point out that sharing a room is an emotionally intimate act, even if no sexual sin occurs. I remember one Christian married couple who hadn’t even “gone away” anywhere together, not even in separate rooms, until their honeymoon. (And then took a lot of vacations after marriage together to make up for it).
But anyway, though I’m sure there are cases of couples even living together for months without having sex, that’s not the main issue here. The main issue is that, as other posters have noted, that your fiancé does not respect your beliefs, and that is a relationship red flag. I think in general, the rule is that the more conservative partner’s wishes should be honored.
I think we should cut the fiancé a little bit of slack. The OP describes him as a good Catholic and says that, though he doesn’t understand her misgivings, he is still suggesting separate beds—not the same bed. To me, that—along with the fact that his and the OP’s relationship is already to the engagement phase—suggests that it’s much less likely that he’s trying to steamroll over her principles.
Could he be pressuring her? Maybe. But I don’t think that’s the only way to read the OP. Certainly, if he is pressuring her in a negative way, that would be a problem. But I don’t see how any of us can say for certain that he is based on the limited information in the OP.
Just so you know; I’m not even accusing the guy of nefarious intentions. He may very well be honestly convinced that he can stay in the same room chastely with the OP. The issue is that obviously she’s not comfortable with even the idea of staying in the same room, and I just think that should be respected.
But hey, I also think that if someone is deadset on “sharing our first kiss at the altar” then a prospective spouse should respect that, too. Even though I don’t personally think kissing before marriage is a problem.
A man is pressuring his bride to be into a situation that makes her uncomfortable. I fail to see how that matches up with being a “good” Catholic.
Perhaps he needs a reminder about honor, and respect.
I would tell my daughter that this would be a real red flag clue about marrying someone. Not a deal breaker but something just sends off alarm bells. And it does for the op as well or she would not be posting this…
That’s just it. I don’t see that he is necessarily pressuring her to do it, but merely telling her that he doesn’t see it is that big of a deal. And the OP’s main question seemed to be not how to avoid the uncomfortable situation but rather how to convince her fiancé that he is wrong and she is right.
You could very well be right in your estimation of what is going on (and if so, I agree it would be a red flag). I just want to round out the picture a little bit with a different possible interpretation. Of course, it’s up to the OP to ascertain which best applies to her situation.
Thanks for the clarification. I agree 100% that the OP’s wishes definitely need to be respected. I was simply pointing out that she doesn’t really say that her wishes are not being respected. She didn’t say that her fiancé insists that they must share a room nor that he wasn’t planning on respecting her wishes. It seems to me that she is looking for some verbiage on why it’s not a good idea in hopes of convincing him that it is a big deal.
He by no means has been pushing. He is very responsible and respectful. Just doesnt get why I don’t like the idea of it. And why its immoral.
Then tell him why.:shrug:
Do you know why you are uncomfortable with it? If you have a belief but can’t express why you have it in a way that he would understand then why is that?
If you said it disrespects your honor and reputation and desire to enter into marriage holy and pure why can he not understand that?