Finding it difficult to forgive others


#1

Nowadays I am struggling too much with the thoughts of resentment. I find it difficult to forgive others who have wronged me or insulted me or hurted me.

I had some bad experiences in my childhood and later too. Those events are sometimes popping up in my mind. Once I start thinking about them, the more events pop up like a chain reaction. I tried many times to forgive others who have hurted me, but in vain. Whenever I go for confession, I use to tell the priest the same thing. But the reply I am getting is the same always, like forgive them and pray.

Can anybody help with better solutions?????


#2

Remember that God made each and every one of them - each in his own likeness.

Try to dwell on that aspect, rather than on the wrong that the person has done (and how they have mis-used the gift of life that God has given them).

Pray to God to send them the Grace to see this within themselves.

:thumbsup:


#3

*Hi Jas;

I think that while it might seem simple, the priests have been right…forgive and pray for the person who has wronged you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we act like the wrong never happened, it just means that we choose to not let it hurt us any further. The reality is, when you don’t forgive another, you hold YOURSELF in bondage, sadly. You hold yourself back from all that life has to offer, by holding on to the memories of past hurts and so on. I think we can all attest to ‘being there’ at one point or another…but, let go and let God heal your heart. I will be praying for you. :console:*


#4

Personally I find life is too short to hold a grudge or stay mad at someone. It just takes too much negative energy to do so. It is generally better to forgive them and move past the incident at hand. Sometimes that takes some time depending on the severity level of what took place.

Maybe you need to discuss the issue with the person who hurt you (if possible). Openness can help in situations like this and maybe it will help you understand their perspective and give them an opportunity to express remorse.

People make mistakes in life, sometimes they negatively affect others and hurt them. We all have to understand that .... it may be unintentional or intentional, but it happens and I bet in many cases that other person will realize their wrong (if not immediately, at some point in the future). Especially when the experiences are based in one's youth. Teens can be quite mean and immature. As they grow up they will realize how their previous actions were wrong. Unfortunately you will almost never know if this is the case, but I like to see the best in others and hope they will know what they did was wrong.

You don't need to forget what was done to you, but you can forgive them and try to move on.


#5

Here is some great advice that I learned a long time ago. Whenever I get angry or upset with someone I ask “God to send them love because I can’t”. You keep saying that everyday until one day which is really quick you nolonger feel the anger in your heart.

Your feelings will become neutral where you nolonger care. You may not forget what happened but you will forgive in your heart. You will be at peace.


#6

Prayer is the best solution there is.

Perhaps the problem is only that the priest gave you the advise the wrong way around. Instead of “forgive and pray” maybe you need to “pray that you may forgive”.

Alos please remember that “forgiveness” is not something emotional. It is a decision that we make. Christ forgave those who crucified him even while the hung on the cross in agony.

The “feelings” of hurt need not give way to thoughts of revenge or spite which will only serve to hurt you. Rather let your thoughts be ones of pity and sorrow for the poor souls of those who hurt you. Then pray for their souls and ask God to forgive them for hurting you AND to forgive you for anything you might have done to hurt others, even inadvertently.

Peace
James


#7

Thanks for the replies. They are really helpful.

The problem is eventhough I forgive them it again pops up into mind when a similar incident occurs or whenever i meet the person again. Besides, when I watch a movie and when I find a character who is in similar situation which I went through or when I hear similar wounding words, my heart glooms down and I feel much depressed. I feel as if I am going through the situtation again and my mind will be filled with hate for the person or persons included.

Anyway I am trying to set aside some time daily to forgive those persons repeatedly everyday. It may help I hope.


#8

LaLucia made a great point and reminded me of something Fr. Butz told us in our mission last year. If you’re mad at someone who has sinned against you, harboring resentment or wanting revenge can actually turn you into a bigger sinner (if you let it.) He told us when you find yourself unable to forgive easily to pray, “Jesus, I need You to forgive them, and love them because right now, I don’t have the strength to do it myself.” Keep praying this and you will be surprised how liberating it can be. I found myself blessing the people who cut me off in traffic and drive like crazy people left and right. It beats road rage and is what the Lord wants, us to forgive and at the same time try to better ourselves and become more like Christ. Try also to imagine Jesus on His way to Calvary. He was abused and tortured yet every step of the way He was finding forgiveness in His heart for these people and making way for the Divine Mercy that He would offer the whole world.


#9

Some injuries have consequences that continue to hurt. That’s not unforgiveness, just reality.
Just continue to pray for those who’ve hurt you, however you feel.

Father help me to recover where injury goes beyond ordinary forgiveness and my heart are in some way crushed, and my life changed and devalued.

Help me to find a way to forgive when I cannot smile or encounter the offending persons with warmth because they have destroyed something in me.

Father please help me to forgive when I cannot forgive…and I cannot forgive because they do not understand how badly they have hurt me, and do not seek in any real way to acknowledge or try to heal the hurt they imposed on me. And even when I tried to tell them from the bottom of my heart but they would not listen, please help me to forgive.

Father help me to forgive when those who hurt my life do not even remember how badly they have wounded me, and go on with their lives without concern, while I remain still held in some kind of time capsule with the consequences of their unfeeling and uncaring and attack.

Father, help me to forgive those who wounded me by ignoring my needs and requests, yet who desire me to ignore their offence, and expect me to respond to their hints or manipulations while they make no concessions or apologies. Help me to forgive those who impose their own conditions and rules upon me, without respecting that my hurt is real and radical, while they make me feel that they only desire our capitulation without justice, apology, or generosity from them.

Father please free me, in forgiveness that comes from Your Son, innocent, and murdered, but forgiving.


#10

Forgiveness

Dear God, You do not merely suggest that we love and forgive each other. You command it. Yet sometimes it is difficult to love, and forgiveness seems almost a betrayal of self or loved ones where offence is terrible. I ask grace to pray for anyone who hurts loved ones or me through misunderstanding, frailty, or malice. I ask grace not to judge anyone for real or imagined injustice or injury.

You know all judgments that I have made in my life since infancy, even those so habitual that I hardly notice. They may contribute to unloving or mistrustful attitude, and thus prevent me from living a life of love, grace and joy.

Every time anyone hurts or angers me, let Your grace remind me to acknowledge my real feelings. The matter may be trivial, but if ignored, my feelings may fester into resentment. Grant me forgiveness that rejects negative feelings and leads to compassion and reconciliation. Heal my lack of love for myself, for any other, and for You. Let me view my flaws and others’ with humility and patience.

God, I forgive and bless anyone who hurts or neglects my loved ones or me. Restore and bless anyone I have offended or neglected. Give them grace to accept my repentance. Procure reconciliation where I am afraid to risk the other’s bitterness or rejection.

Holy Spirit please go to each person I have ever hurt, flooding him or her with God’s abundant gifts of love and healing. Allow us to experience Your love, and help us to accept Your will, Your timing and Your ways. I trust all relationships and situations into Your love.


#11

Blessings and peace be with you JasJose;

I feel as if I am going through the situtation again and my mind will be filled with hate for the person or persons included.

Most injustice goes unpunished, and we seem so impotent to the extent that our anger burns within us.

Anger is like picking up a burning coal, with the intention of throwing it at the person you are angry at, but the person who burns the most is ourself.

****If this abuse happened years ago, and it still haunts you most nights, then that person controls your mind, they are still hurting you today. It is not even necessary for the person to say they are sorry for what they did to you, the chances are that will never happen. ****

Forgiveness is a process that leads you to an inner peace that transcends all understanding. If you follow the link below, you can read about extreme cases of forgiveness, the torture and death of a child.

[FONT=Times New Roman]http://www.theforgivenessproject.com/stories/francis-berthe-climbie[/FONT][/FONT]Francis & Berthe Climbié[FONT=Times New Roman]Victoria Climbié’s life was short and tragic. Born in the Ivory coast, at the age of seven her parents, Francis and Berthe Climbié , trusted her into the care of a relative, Marie-Therese Kouao, who brought her to England to be educated. It was here that she met her death – tortured and killed by the very person who had promised to help her. blessings

Eric


#12

Some people say chastity is the hardest Christian action-no way, it’s forgiveness.

I understand completely. For me, intellectually, I get it-Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others who have trespassed against us.

But boy, is it hard sometimes.

I read somewhere of holocaust victims forgiving the “people” that did those things to them. If the victims of the holocaust can show forgiveness, we should be able to as well.

Is it harder than that-YES. But as long as you attempt it-you should be fine.


#13

*What has helped me considerably…is thinking of Christ …beaten…bloody…hanging on the cross…forgiving the very ones who put Him there. **That **is forgiveness. That is love. Which is why following Christ can be tough at times…because it requires us to have THAT kind of love and forgiveness. *


#14

[quote="JasJose, post:1, topic:189222"]
Nowadays I am struggling too much with the thoughts of resentment. I find it difficult to forgive others who have wronged me or insulted me or hurted me.

I had some bad experiences in my childhood and later too. Those events are sometimes popping up in my mind. Once I start thinking about them, the more events pop up like a chain reaction. I tried many times to forgive others who have hurted me, but in vain. Whenever I go for confession, I use to tell the priest the same thing. But the reply I am getting is the same always, like forgive them and pray.

Can anybody help with better solutions?????

[/quote]

I grew up with a verbally abusive father. In my experience, I only stopped thinking about the past when I stopped interacting with him as an adult. If people have hurt you in the past, cut those people out of your life and you'll have a much easier time forgetting what they did and even forgiving them.

If you see them regularly, their similar behaviors will likely remind you of their past actions and bring it all back.


#15

Yes, you are right. Forgiveness is the hardest christian action, not chastity. Well, I donno what to say more than that.

Well, I am making attempts. I donno how long it vl take. Hope it vl be okay. But some times when I forgive, I find myself to be lightweighted. So I hope things are in the right direction. I think it is difficult to forget than to forgive, because if you cant forget the inicidence will again pop up and again will feel hurted. Forgetting such things is really a blessing I think.

Well, I donno whether I can be forgiving like some holocast victims. Each person is different. I pray to God to provide me with spirit of forgiveness.


#16

Are these situations ones in which you have taken the opportunity to tell the offenders that they have hurt you? Maybe if they knew how angry you were they would apologize or at least try to make ammends.


#17

One thing that I’ve learned about forgiveness is that only God can forget. We choose to forgive. It’s an action not a feeling. I don’t “feel” like forgiving, but we’ve been told we have to… easier said than done. Especially when you start ruminating about what/where/who and all the particulars. When my mind starts going round and round and round I stop it with prayer. Particularly the Rosary. There is something about the repetition of it that calms my mind and heals my soul. Also there is the serenity prayer. I say that a thousand times each day. so much is out of our own control!

Make the decision to forgive. You don’t have to feel forgiveness for that. You will remember, but you don’t have to entertain the thoughts that go along with it.

I’ve been hurt a lot in my life. Forgiveness is a practice that only God can and will help us perfect.

Steph


#18

[quote="HouseArrest, post:16, topic:189222"]
Are these situations ones in which you have taken the opportunity to tell the offenders that they have hurt you? Maybe if they knew how angry you were they would apologize or at least try to make ammends.

[/quote]

Well, it is like this. Some purposely wanted to hurt me, some know that they have hurted me, but dont care for it and some may dont know whether they have hurt.

You are right in the case of third type of people. May be I should let them know that they have hurted me.


#19

I would say to approach anyone who you consider a friend or who doesn’t realize they have hurt you to see if the relationships could possibly be mended.

I don’t know what to say about those who hurt you on purpose. Maybe there is benefit in letting them know that they have hurt and angered you, even if you think it won’t result in reconciliation.

Good luck, and pray to the Holy Spirit to guide you.


#20

I think that is all we can ask of a brother/sister in Christ. Please make an attempt to forgive me for what I’ve done.

And thanks for agreeing with me on forgiveness over chastity.-I’m surprised more people don’t see our point.


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