Finding Mrs. Right


#1

anyone know anything about ave maria singles and catholic match and how well they would fit a 20 some year old college student?
I guess what I’m trying to say is, as I continue to get older should I just keep sitting around doing nothing just trusting that god will send mrs. right into my life by pure chance (as I have naively done for years now), or should I get down and start actually looking
(this is a very embarassing question to have to ask lol which is why I do so in total anonymity)
Also, how high should one’s standards be? I flat out stopped dating towards the end of high school because I didn’t know anyone who met my standards (very conservative and enthusiastically catholic) but as I get older I wonder if I’m asking too much.

thanks


#2

Does your college have a Catholic Campus club? It’s a great way to meet serious Catholics. LOTS of people on CAF have used Ave Maria Singles! Just do a search on that. Lots of successes too :slight_smile:


#3

The chances of Miss Right ringing your doorbell and saying “Hi, wanna go to Adoration then get married” are slim.

If you want to marry another enthusiastic Catholic, you should meet other enthusiastic Catholics. Get involved in a ministry, in volunteering, go to conferences, to retreats, to the young adults singles stuff (use www.masstimes.org to find local Parishes, many will have a bulletin on line where you can find events they have going on). You could meet Miss Right, or Miss Right’s mom, sister, uncle, brother… you get the idea. Let the other Catholics you know in on the fact that you are looking.

Should you live in the middle of nowhere, use the internet sites. Get out there and LOOK :slight_smile:


#4

Now that is funny, kager ar.:thumbsup:

Reed, It’s like we tell our college girls;) “Work like everything depends on you, pray like everything depends on God”


#5

Ave Maria is very reputable, and IMHO requires the most in-depth profile and attracts the most high caliber members who are faithful to the Magesterium and adhere to Church’s moral teachings. You can find these types of Catholics at both sites, but in my experience more are on Ave. Of course, you can also find the not-so-faithful-to-Church-teaching on Ave. So, caveat emptor.

You will find all age ranges, geographic locations, professional levels, and interests.

Well, God certainly isn’t going to drop a girl on your doorstep, ring the bell, and run.

But, you are in your early twenties, so many of us have a slightly different perspective on what it means to get “older” while waiting for your spouse. DH was 42 when we met, and I was 38. We met on Ave Maria.

So, pardon me if I don’t think you’re old and hopeless yet.

And, don’t give up on meeting someone IRL. Get involved in ministry.

As high as heaven. That’s your desired destination, isn’t it?

Discern what you “must have” and also discern those things that are “deal breakers”-- **true **dealbreakers and must haves. If you *must have *someone with blue eyes-- I don’t think you are discerning properly, KWIM?


#6

I’ll tell you this though: I was on all those sites, and had actually met a few good men who didn’t work out in the end. But it truly seemed as if God did drop a good catholic man on my doorstep – I need a date to my sisters’ and my costume party, and my mom knew a guy she’d met at church a year before, and called his sister to get his number to see if he’d go with a total stranger to a party where he knew nobody! He did, and since then we’ve been happily married!

Good luck in your search. I can tell you that you’re still young, so if you don’t find ms right quickly, you have time. What made the wait easiest for me was to let go and let God. As soon as I stopped trying as hard, He provided! It was amazing, and yet still soooo hard to do. I hope you can find the patience to wait for her, but in the meantime, never stop praying for her and her soul, that she may be pure and chaste, and waiting for you!!!


#7

Great advice here 1ke,

and btw, shouldn’t it be Miss Right OP? :smiley:


#8

Hey, I joined Ave Maria while I was in college and met my husband through the site. Highly recommend it for those serious about getting married, and, most importantly, serious about their faith! :thumbsup:

Your standards should stay high–you’re looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with–why look for someone who doesn’t meet your standards?

Just be open to a long distance relationship as the Ave Maria younger population is relatively small compared to the 30 and 40 something crowd.

Best of luck in your search! :thumbsup:

P.S. I ran a quick search on girls on AMS in your age group–27 hits. So not a HUGE selection, but there were a couple I’m gonna have to run past my brother again…:smiley:


#9

That’s why you aren’t meeting anyone. Sitting around doing nothing isn’t going to get the ladies running to your door.


#10

This is another salient point.

None of these websites are a silver bullet. I was on Ave for 2 years, and went on dates with six different men (3 from my city/area and 3 long distance) and had email and/or phone correspondence with a lot more before I met my DH. These other men were perfectly nice, but it didn’t “work out” for a variety of reasons. You have to invest time and effort into a website just like meeting someone any other way. I invested a lot of time, effort, money, and to some degree emotion in several relationships that did not result in anything long-lasting. But, had I not been open to continuing, I would not have met DH.

I also never stopped being open to people I met IRL, and was set up by friends, met people through pro-life work, etc.


#11

I was pretty shameless in the dating game back in my youth. If you don’t get shot down now and then, you’re not trying. I used to go into girls’ dorms at your age (Catholic colleges mostly) and ask a likely looking one to talk, go for coffee, go out or whatever. Got a few eye rolls, but a lot of dates too. It’s amazing how almost anything works. And I’m not a handsome guy and wasn’t then. If a girl turned me down, I would ask her if she had a friend who “wasn’t already in love”. Almost 100% of the time, the friend would go out with me. (Send a girl to find a girl. They know who they all are, and they know who’s attached and who’s not.) Pretty ones too.

I met my wife at a Republican election night watch party. I was a Democrat then, and worked the election, but not being entirely stupid, I figured the Repubs would have better food, (always true) and besides, back then Repub girls dressed nice and had good manners, where so many Dem girls had long, stringy hair, wire spectacles, wore army jackets and such and swore like sailors.
(Not saying the Dems were all like that. I met one of the sweetest girls I have ever known, and pretty too, at a Dem event. That was when Dems weren’t pro-abortion. But you have to improve your odds if you can.)
There are a LOT of young women who are political workers around election time, and they still go to the watch parties. I would still advise Repubs. Go volunteer for some very, very prolife candidate as a worker. You’ll meet prolife girls there, I guarantee it. Keep in mind that there are more of them than there are of us. And if you think YOU would like to meet Miss Right, can you imagine how much more THEY are looking for Mr. Right, with that biological clock ticking? (sorry ladies, turn your heads if you don’t want to hear this stuff, but the OP is a guy, after all)

By the way, my wife and I couldn’t stand each other when we first met. She was making smart remarks about my “line” with other girls. But she was beautiful, and clever too. I took her aside and asked her not to do it. I just told her frankly that she was messing up my courting, and that it was unfair of her to do it. She agreed, on the condition that I be honest. I promised I would. On impulse, I asked her if, forever after, she would be my friend and confidante; one with whom I could always discuss anything, and be honest. She agreed upon condition that I would be her friend and confidant as well. Neither of us was ever really interested in anybody else after that agreement. Right then, I knew I loved her and wanted to marry her. When you get right down to it, that’s what most folks are looking for in a mate.

One last thing and I’ll stop. Your faith life and hers are a mutual undertaking, and it’s a job. A true confidant will accept a few imperfections on the part of the other, even in that. Life’s a long road at 20. It’s not the perfection of the woman, it’s her heart. If she’s good-hearted and fundamentally Catholic, she’ll want you to lead in your mutual faith life, as long as you’re an example, not a lecturer. If she’s Catholic at all, she’s going to want your children to be Catholic and to be moral, and she’ll know the male parent is the major influence in that. That’s a big deal with women. She doesn’t want a preacher. She wants a role model for the family she knows she wants. Have an understanding heart yourself, my friend, and you’ll find what you’re looking for.

And for goodness sake, be of good cheer! You’re only 20, and girls can’t stand it when a guy is a downer. They want YOU to make THEM feel better! That’s your job and your duty, your whole life long. Learn it!

(Now all the ladies can throw rocks at me. But it’s all the truth.)


#12

well actually that’s what i’ve BEEN doing lol and I had good reason to. I remember Jason Evertt saying on TV all the time to just let go and focus on god and things will just work out without u worrying too much about them. that’s what I’ve been doing for the past couple years. I’ve been praying for her for years and I don’t consider myself to be growing impatient. I was just wondering if the right thing to do isn’t to blindly wait around but to actually actively start looking.

and for the record, I’m NOT being a downer about this at all lol :smiley: I’m perfectly happy in my present state and would actually not mind spending the rest of my life this way. There is actually a great deal of happiness in my life already. :smiley:

so… which one is it? hope and trust in god and continue living life, or hop on the bandwagon and start actively searching for MS. (I got it right this time) Right? :shrug:


#13

**Why do you have to choose??? You can do both! Hope and trust in God while continuing to live your life WHILE actively searching for Miss Right. Just include things in your “living” that take you to places (in real life or on the net) where you have the potential to meet somebody. So no sitting on your couch watching football expecting Miss Right to deliver your pizza:D;):stuck_out_tongue:

As for being embarrassed…don’t be! If I weren’t already happily married I would use a site like Ave Maria Singles in a heartbeat:thumbsup:. You can get the scoop on potential dates before you even talk to them…how cool is that? Can’t do that IRL. I can just imagine

“Hi, my name is Reed. Can I buy you a cup of coffee? By the way, are you a devout and faithful traditional Catholic girl who looks forward to leaving the gift of children in God’s hands while actively living your life to serve Him and love all of your neighbors as yourself?..would you like cream and sugar?” LOL
**


#14

Then maybe the married life is not your vocation at all.

There was never any doubt in my mind that it was mine. Not from the time I was old enough to know there was such a thing as marriage, and never did I have the least doubt about it. But for that certitude, I don’t know that I would have ever done it. Certainly I would not have done it just to do it or because people expected it of me.


#15

I met my husband online, although it was just Match.com, and not a Catholic website. And he’s and awesome Catholic guy, the one I thought I would NEVER find, so God pretty much makes use out of however you meet Him, if you know what I mean. :).

I don’t think you’re asking too much, either. I didn’t marry until 29, which where I’m from is late, for this reason. It seems impossible, but it’s not!


#16

I’m not throwing rocks, that post was hilarious, sweet, and true!


#17

Dude, don’t be dense here.:rolleyes: You have gotten some great advice and pretty humorous too.:smiley: God helps those who help themselves. You cannot expect the Holy Spirit to do all the heavy lifting on this one.:cool:


#18

Ridgerunner…

Loved your first post about how you found your wife. You seem like a fun guy with the heart at the right place :slight_smile:

:thumbsup:


#19

okay that settles it! I’m signing up for an account at catholic match.com next chance i get! :smiley: and I’ll make sure to get more involved at FOCUS

thank you so much everybody for your words of (wit and) wisdom lol


#20

You aren’t asking too much, but there’s a question how you judge compliance. :wink: This means e.g. how conservative is conservative.

This said, I freely admit that I have pretty high expectations too and that I am not willing to drop them in the normal course of events, even if I’m open to the possibility of a concrete situation prevailing over generalisations. I realise this raises my chances of not ever imposing my last name on anyone, but that’s fair game. After all, single and disillusioned is probably better than married and disillusioned.

These days, I generally skip most potential candidates before anything can start.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.