I’m sorry to make yet another thread about going to confession. But I kinda thought I should make my own. I am 23 and have been Catholic my whole life; but I haven’t been a good one at all. I just started going back to church on a regular basis after a long string of years going on holidays only. I haven’t been to confession in 7 or 8 years and I have ton of really horrible and embarrassing sins. I feel like I have to get them off my chest now.
To start out with, I think I have been a sex addict for about 10 years. The whole thing; lust, porn, masturbation and premarital sex. I had sex with two girls; both of whom I was serious with. I have no idea how many times I had sex, or masturbated. Way too much is the correct answer. I guess at the time it was good relief for my depression, which I have had for about the same amount of time. My parents never took my depression worries seriously and just tried to ignore it. I was bullied a ton and ended up getting caught up in the wrong crowd; that’s where I learned it from. The culture just made it sound normal and everything felt good. And then I learned it was a sin. I tried to stop for years. I kept telling myself I was going to stop, but I never could. Temptation was just so strong. I ended up losing everything because of it. I got fired from my job, lost all my money, went into debt, got kicked out of school, and lost all my friends; including the two people on Earth I cared about most.
And that’s where the anger came in. To this day I can still remember how angry I felt to see my ex’s with another guy; seeing how happy they were and how better of their lives were. “I’ll show you. You’ll pay for this.” That kinda stuff. I remember just day dreaming about going all WWE on the other guys just to make myself feel better. Not pleasant thoughts.
Anyway, all this has just lead to a vicious circle of horrible things that has lasted a long time. The depression lead back into the sexual sin, and that lead into the anger which lead into the depression. I haven’t been able to have a relationship with God and Jesus and feel like maybe they gave up on me; like everyone else really has. I regret what I did. I wish I could go back and take it all back, but I can’t. Ive started to make a commitment to my faith, which I hadn’t made before. The problem is, wait for it, I’m really scared to go to confession. I just started at this church and don’t really know what to expect. Confession is this Saturday at 4pm and I’m trying to keep the courage up so I can do this. I wanna be free of all this and attempt to live again. Does anyone have any advice?