Five points for a perfect Catholic marriage


#1

This is my list for the five most important things in a marriage. My marriage in fact. Comments, additions, corrections and discussions welcome.

By way of disclosure, I have been married for 31 years, am a cradle catholic, my wife is a convert, have 4 grown up kids and have been through a lot of what life can thow at you, good and bad.

I digress my top five are:

[LIST=1]
*]Total devotion to God
*]Honor and love your spouse with all your heart and body
*]Communicate with each other all the time
*]Address problems together. Unite and conquer.
*]Smile, this is a life sentence .... have fun together
[/LIST]


#2

Thank you for this thread.

Perhaps I can learn from you...how did you handle difficult times?


#3

[quote="Onedayatatime, post:1, topic:219333"]
This is my list for the five most important things in a marriage. My marriage in fact. Comments, additions, corrections and discussions welcome.

By way of disclosure, I have been married for 31 years, am a cradle catholic, my wife is a convert, have 4 grown up kids and have been through a lot of what life can thow at you, good and bad.

I digress my top five are:

[LIST=1]
*]Total devotion to God
*]Honor and love your spouse with all your heart and body
*]Communicate with each other all the time
*]Address problems together. Unite and conquer.
*]Smile, this is a life sentence .... have fun together
[/LIST]

[/quote]

You forgot the most important, key thing! I can't believe you!

Never marry anyone who is a Yankee or Laker fan! Leave them alone so they can't reproduce and hopefully they'll die out! ;)

Great list my friend.


#4
  1. Recognize that perfection is not possible. You aren't perfect and neither is your spouse. Accept that "good enough" is good enough. Look for the good and you will find it.

  2. Pray together and offer many, many sacrifices for your spouse.

  3. Serve each other.

  4. Make a budget and follow it.

  5. Have fun, keep things light.... this is worth mentioning at least twice!

22 years, 7 kids, crazy life and it's all good!


#5

[quote="whatevergirl, post:2, topic:219333"]
Thank you for this thread.

Perhaps I can learn from you...how did you handle difficult times?

[/quote]

Wow, that may take a book of responses. Well we continue to manage through them. I guess here would be a short list of what not to do, and then what has worked for me. Be sure that the what didn't work was an education process, sometimes taking years (I feel my wife smiling behind me;-)

What didn't work:

[LIST]
*]Blaming God for my misfortunes
*]Being obstinate ... particularly with my wife
*]Not recognizing good times when they were upon me and who made this possible
*]Believing I was in control of my life
*]Not helping others through charitable acts
[/LIST]

There is more, but we only have some much time don't we. Anyway getting through the tough times I have found the following works very well.

[LIST]
*]Offering it all up to God no matter how hard the issue
*]Trusting in God to help you survive through it
*]Daily and nightly prayer
*]The Eucharist!
*]Do some act of charity .. in my case a prison ministry which has worked wonders for me and helped a few inmates too
*]Understanding what a gift from God my wife is and how blessed I have been to spend so much time with her
*]Work together towards common goals. Try and put reasonable expectations on them, and God may surprise you
*]Trying to understand that sometimes these challenges are designed by God to Change us
*]Make time to do something you like ... Motorcycling, writing, a retreat or 2 .... whatever floats your boat
[/LIST]

The following poem is about the journey with him ....


#6

[quote="Rascalking, post:3, topic:219333"]
You forgot the most important, key thing! I can't believe you!

Never marry anyone who is a Yankee or Laker fan! Leave them alone so they can't reproduce and hopefully they'll die out! ;)

Great list my friend.

[/quote]

Fellow Red Socks fan here near Boston! :thumbsup:


#7

i'd add a 6th item:

  1. when following the top 5 list for a perfect catholic marriage, never ever expect THE perfect Catholic marriage. expect instead, the marriage that will help make you holy.

and if i were to add a 7th item? at least once a season, watch together *Raising Arizon **or **The Castle *(the australian film.) laugh till you cry. repeat the stupid lines to each other for days. (i know number 5 on the original list says smile, but i recommend laugh -- laugh hard.)

and if item number 2 means 'open to life' then yeah. it's already on the list. if it doesnt really mean open to life, then i add as item 2B "except for serious reasons, be open to life. dont fear life. God wants to show you how HE will provide for your needs. Let Him.

and if number 2s 'honor' means kindness, then it's already on the list. but if not, i'd add kindness. real, obvious, sweet, consistent kindness. do it all the time.


#8

Thanks for that answer, oneday.
Another question...sorry...did you ever have times when you put forth more effort than your wife? Not on one occasion, but maybe for a while? Or visa versa?

And did you or she ever contemplate giving up? That's two questions. lol :)


#9

*Offering it all up to God no matter how hard the issue
Trusting in God to help you survive through it
Daily and nightly prayer
The Eucharist!
Do some act of charity .. in my case a prison ministry which has worked wonders for me and helped a few inmates too
Understanding what a gift from God my wife is and how blessed I have been to spend so much time with her
Work together towards common goals. Try and put reasonable expectations on them, and God may surprise you
Trying to understand that sometimes these challenges are designed by God to Change us
Make time to do something you like ... Motorcycling, writing, a retreat or 2 .... whatever floats your boat *

said in my best crocadile dundee accent: that's a list.


#10

[quote="monicatholic, post:7, topic:219333"]
i'd add a 6th item:

  1. when following the top 5 list for a perfect catholic marriage, never ever expect THE perfect Catholic marriage. expect instead, the marriage that will help make you holy.

[/quote]

Oh my gosh, monica...in all my struggles recently ...no one has ever said this to me. I have tears in my eyes. I never viewed it quite like this. Thank you!!!


#11

[quote="whatevergirl, post:8, topic:219333"]
Thanks for that answer, oneday.
Another question...sorry...did you ever have times when you put forth more effort than your wife? Not on one occasion, but maybe for a while? Or visa versa?

And did you or she ever contemplate giving up? That's two questions. lol :)

[/quote]

Yes, there were times she put more in than me, I guess there were/are times that I do lead with optimism when we have to get through something hard. We do support each other and at times dispute things. For the most part healthily.

Were there times she/I ever considered giving up? No, not on our marriage, but times of great frustration or pain shook our faith. Prison, death, aids, alheimers, bankrupcty, teenage pregnancy, child custody battles. (We have a big family ;-) :eek:


#12

I think I have to add is that to be aware of when the outside interest you or your spouse has, becomes more important than other areas of the marriage or relationship. I've seen many couples that "self medicate" their problems by becoming too invested in an outside hobby or interest and priorities shift and the marriage is now at the bottom of the list.

Also when you get married, do not let anyone try to undermine your marriage, not your mother, not your MIL, not your friends at work, or your friends outside of work, NOT ANYBODY. You are a couple, stand united, always have each other's back.


#13

Patrice...I love that...so true.

Something I'd like to add...that sometimes we don't think about. But, be careful to know evil when you see it. the devil is a master deceiver. Once you open the door to evil...it will permeate your marriage, seeking to destroy it. Add to that, straying just an inch away from Christ...and you will powerless to close that door back up. Recognize evil, and keep it out of your marriage. When you struggle with the pressures of life, whatever they may be...turn to Christ and your spouse. Don't turn to the outside world.


#14

[quote="Onedayatatime, post:6, topic:219333"]
Fellow Red Socks fan here near Boston! :thumbsup:

[/quote]

Hey, we've got to keep our priorities straight-marriage is one thing, but Celtics and Red Sox are way more important than ANYTHING.

Your a really cool guy/girl to put this list up. I'm single, but I'm sure it helps so many people.


#15

it's all in Ephesians

what Paul forgot: don't marry a Yankee's fan


#16

[quote="Rascalking, post:3, topic:219333"]
You forgot the most important, key thing! I can't believe you!

Never marry anyone who is a Yankee or Laker fan! Leave them alone so they can't reproduce and hopefully they'll die out! ;)

Great list my friend.

[/quote]

I am a Red Sox fan who married a Yankee fan (and a Giants fan, when I have Patriots logos on my car!). He has been informed, in no uncertain terms, that our children will be raised Red Sox fans. I tell him sports fandom is like Judaism, it gets passed down through the mother :hmmm:

Plus, we live in New England, and I would hate for our kids to grow up as the only Yankee fans in Red Sox Nation. And then there is the fact that my mom is a huge Red Sox fan, lives quite close, and will probably take it on herself to make sure that each kid has a complete Red Sox wardrobe!


#17

Love your list!!! :thumbsup:

(from a fellow Red Sox fan in Southern NH). :)


#18

I have noticed that people who've been married 50 years or more, when asked the secret to their long marriages, usually reply with a variation on these two:

1) Our policy was divorce, never. Homicide, maybe, but divorce, never.
(Variation: In this part of the country, we don't divorce our husbands. We just shoot 'em.)
2) Every day, look in the mirror and remind yourself: You're no prize, either.

Obviously, having unwavering commitment, a sense of humor, and the ability to not take yourself too seriously are factors. :D


#19

[quote="jawgee, post:17, topic:219333"]
Love your list!!! :thumbsup:

(from a fellow Red Sox fan in Southern NH). :)

[/quote]

OK, I know pressure when I see it. Modified list:

5a: Must love Red Sox and Patriots. God knows those fans have faith!


#20

[quote="Onedayatatime, post:19, topic:219333"]
OK, I know pressure when I see it. Modified list:

5a: Must love Red Sox and Patriots. God knows those fans have faith!

[/quote]

I live in Oregon, so I still have one son fit for marriage. Halleluyah!
(The other one is a Giants/Red Sox fan. Do you think a seminary would overlook that?)


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