Foccus


#1

My Fiancee and I took the FOCCUS test this past weekend. It was not thouroughly explained what this is used for and what we are to expect. What are others opinions of this test? If you have taken it, was it beneficial to you? Any input is much appreciated.
Thanks.

In Christ - J.M.J.
Mapleoak


#2

The priest who did our marriage prep told us that the results are meant to be conversation starters, to help you find out if there is anything you need to communicate about better for the sake of your marriage. We had no surprises with ours, as we had been dating more than six years and new each other and our families pretty well.

Mostly the differences in our answers came from differences in how we interpreted the questions. It was an interesting exercise in learning how we both approach language, at least. :slight_smile:

For example, one of the statments in the agree/disagree/unsure questions was something about being bothered by the fiancee’s use of drugs/alcohol. I answered no, because my husband does not abuse drugs and uses alcohol lightly and responsibly. He said “unsure”, because my habits are similar to his, but figured a no would mean “she uses drugs and alcohol and it doesn’t bother me”. :slight_smile:

I would call it a worthwhile thing, but it won’t add much if you already have good communication.


#3

Anything in the FOCCUS results that the two of you differ on should be discussed at length before you enter marriage.

Unfortunately, when my fiance and I took it, even though the results were not good, we went ahead with the marriage without really diving into the areas in which we differed heavily. We are now divorced, and the main problem was an issue that the FOCCUS results pointed out. Definitely do not take the results of this test lightly. I pray that there will not be anything of concern for you, but if there is, discuss it deeply with your fiance and make sure you understand why each of you chose the answers you chose.

God Bless


#4

My wife and I took the test over 5 years ago and the priest that gave us the test told us and my wife’s mother (why he told her I do not know) that we should not be getting married.

However, over 5 years we are happier than ever!

I would agree that it may be used to gauge things to talk about, but by no means is it a “test” to say if you should or should not get married.


#5

I agree w/ little rose. we were not suprised w/ our results. we already knew the areas that we had differences in, and we interpreted several of the questions differently. the priest also told us what her said, that the test should just be used as a tool to get discussions going.


#6

Thanks for the responses. After having taking the test, we had discussed the questions and answers we had given with each other, although we have not yet received the results back. I don’t believe there will be any surprises as we have discussed at length most everything contained in the test beforehand. I would assume it to be a tool to use as an aid to indicate if there exists any difficulty in certain areas of communication. However I do believe some of the questions to not be appropriate for a third party to be reviewing.
Thanks again for your replies.

In Christ - J.M.J.
Mapleoak


#7

I have a funny story about our Foccus questionnaire. When we were taking it, we were in separate rooms. The whole time I heard my husband snickering and I’m like, “Uh oh… what’s he up to?”

Then when we got the results back, the counselor said, “Stephanie, I see here that you have a gambling problem.” GAAAAH!!! My DH did that just to embarrass me. It was really funny though.


#8

My now husband and I had an arguement on the way to our meeting with the priest to take the FOCCUS test. His answers were a bit colored by the fact that we weren’t able to resolve the argument before the test. At the time I was pretty upset, but now I think it’s kinda funny. We came out as a good match even on an off day :).


#9

Funny story about our FOCCUS experience…

After taking the test, the couple that administered it (who has been doing this FOCCUS program for YEARS)… came back and sat down with us… and they had this SHOCKED look on their faces.

All they said was… “Well, looks like we’ve got nothing to talk about!”

Apparently we had the highest “score” they had ever seen.
:smiley:


#10

:rotfl: Very funny! Thanks for sharing


#11

Thanks for the funny stories. They were great!
Anyway, we should be finding out the results this weekend. Hope we didn’t flunk!!! :gopray2:

We are looking forward to talking about any special concerns it may show :hug3:

In Christ - J.M.J.
Mapleoak


#12

Mapleoak…there is no passing or failing. It is simply to point out areas where your view differ. If you have any areas that your answers vary, this just indicates areas you will probably want to discuss with each other. DH and I both had issues with our families and how much we feared they would try to interfere. When we discussed this with the priest and resolved how we would handle family intrusions. It was good to get it out and make a plan. Father even offered to marry us before my relatives came to town.


#13

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