This is a follow-up to the “wife in ongoing affair” thread I had posted earlier this week. So we had the big talk. I told her that her choices have led me to conclude that her extramarital relationship is more important to her than me or her family, and that we needed to discuss the dissolution of the marriage. I had brought that up previously so she knew the consequences of continuing the relationship.
A little more history. The affair began over the Thanksgiving Holiday last year when I took my children to spend the holiday with my family out of state. I became aware of the affair in January. Spent a few weeks observing and collecting information. Confronted her in early February (in the presence of a priest). After a tearful “break-up” with him it was supposed to have been over. No contact on any kind whatsoever. That boundary was only loosely observed. However, things between us did seem to improve dramatically.
In July things appear to have heated up again (once again while I was visiting my family with the kids). I became increasingly aware of more and more contact. In early October I overheard a phone call she had with him when she “butt dialed” me where she repeatedly expressed her love for him and discussed plans. I also found some letters he had written her which revealed that he too was very deeply invested. I laid it all out on the table (again in the presence of a priest). Again, tearful break-up, commitment to no contact of any kind, etc, etc, etc. Then, on All Saints Day she went to mass with him at his parish and then spent some time together in his car after mass. There are a few other things that I believed happend in the interim, but that one is the “smoking gun”. The time spent in his car was captured on a surveylance system.
Now that the reality of divorce is setting in she is interested in our relationship again. I was expecting something like this to happen. This is where it gets tricky I think. How to know if she is sincere? How to know if I should give her a 2nd (or in this case 3rd) chance? How to play my cards? My deepest desire is for there to be healing and reconciliation. But I don’t want to be suckered in again.