For all the ladies


#1

I don’t know if any of you have read this, but it made me laugh so much that I had to pass it on. I received it via email.

Ladies Restroom
Oh, So true

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it’s your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won’t latch. It doesn’t matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern “seat covers” (invented by someone’s Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there were one, but there isn’t - so you carefully but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume “The Stance.” In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You’d love to sit down, but you certainly hadn’t taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold “The Stance.” To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother’s voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the
seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!“
Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that’s still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It’s still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes your door open because the latch
doesn’t work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. Occupied!” you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it’s too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that
your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you’re certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, “You just don’t KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.” By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and then sprays a fine
mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too, at this point you give up. You’re soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You’re exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can’t figure out how to
operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women, still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your
shoe, plunk it in the woman’s hand and tell her warmly, “Here, you just might need this.” As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men’s restroom. Annoyed, he asks, “What took you so long, and
why is your purse hanging around your neck?” …This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom (rest??? you’ve got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It’s so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under
the door! This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!


#2

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:


#3

yep.


#4

OH, yeah. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

That reminds me - we’re going out tonight. I should put some kleenex in my purse. Lots and lots of kleenex. :smiley:


#5

LOVED IT!!!
Thanks for sharing…
Karen


#6

That was the best laugh I have had all day! Thank you for sharing.:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Krisy


#7

I ALWAYS have kleenex in my purse. Well, I try, just like my Mother taught me. :thumbsup:


#8

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:


#9

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

I might print it out and hand it to DH the next time I have to visit a public loo. Help him pass the time. :smiley:


#10

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

hugs nana3 tight for being so funny

Oh my, this made me laugh so hard that my jaw and tummy hurts!!! Oh my, so worth it!!!


#11

Been there! Been there! Cursed the lady taking “the stance” who left urine all over the toilet before I got there, then realized that the SuperAutoFlush leaves a spray no matter what you do.

OTOH, when I’m asked by men why women go to the bathroom in groups and what on earth takes so long, I always say, “We have a band and a wet bar in there…don’t you?” The truth is, there will probably be gossip…and if you don’t go, you may be the object! :smiley:


#12

**:rotfl: **
Oh man, that was so funny!


BUT… you forgot to add


There is no husband waiting!
The lady is in the handicap stall because it’s the only one she can fit in with a baby and 2 toddlers (of which she let the oldest go first and stood with her legs crossed as she listened to the release of pee)
She long since gave up on the “stance”.
Instead she goes back and forth between being bent in half to keep the baby out of her purse and sitting up telling the younger toddler that, “No! You cannot play in the water back there and quit saying “plop! plop! tinkle-tinkle!” leave the flusher alone!” and bending forward again to grab the back of the pants off the older toddler, who is looking/crawling under the stalls or peeking through the cracks between the partitions saying, “Peek-a-boo! Hello there! I’m ___ and my mommy is peeing! Yea for mommy! giggle giggle”


And the next time the family goes out and dh says he’ll wait while she takes the little ones to the potty, he gets “the look” and quickly decides his life is worth more than the need to potty and suddenly everyone changes their mind about whether they can hold it or not.


**I’m a potty nazi these days. Everyone goes before we leave the house or suffer the consequences! “NO! No, public bathroom for us!”:stuck_out_tongue: **


#13

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