For All Those Moms Out There- Some Light Humor


#1

I found this on a Catholic humor website. Thought all the moms out there could use a laugh. :D:)

THE TODDLER MIRACLE DIET

People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The

trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat

(the starvation diet); you don't get enough variation (the

liquid diet); or you go broke (the all-meat diet).

Consequently, people tend to cheat of their diets, or quit

after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle

Diet. Over the years you may have noticed that most two

year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is

available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult

your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you

may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck!

DAY ONE

Breakfast: one scrambled egg, one piece of toast with

grape jelly. Eat two bites of egg, using your fingers;

dump the rest on the floor. Take one bite of toast, then

smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch: four crayons (any color), a handful of potato

chips, and a glass of milk (three sips only, then spill the

rest).

Dinner: a dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, four sips

of flat Sprite.

Bedtime snack: throw a piece of toast on the kitchen

floor.

DAY TWO

Breakfast: pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat

it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of

vegetable dye.

Lunch: half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a

handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). Add one ice cube,

if desired.

Afternoon snack: lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take

outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping

until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on

rug.

Dinner: a rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust

up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed

potatoes; eat with spoon.

DAY THREE

Breakfast: two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with

fingers, rub fingers in hair. Glass of milk; drink half,

stuff other pancake

in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from

rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.

Lunch: three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on

table and slurp up.

Dinner: dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some

red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if

possible.

FINAL DAY

Breakfast: a quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit

of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of

cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy,

drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room

carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: a glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave

meatball on plate; stick of mascara for dessert.


#2

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Thank you for this! I actually have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard! :D

(I have a 2 year old boy, maybe that's why I love it so much!)


#3

:rotfl:

That was funny! But...I don't want to try that diet. Have you seen the rolls of fat on most toddlers' thighs????


#4

Very true! I suspect that toddlers absorb most of their nutrients through their skin.

I was laughing out loud at this as well. Thanks.


#5

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