I found this on a Catholic humor website. Thought all the moms out there could use a laugh. :D:)
THE TODDLER MIRACLE DIET
People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The
trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat
(the starvation diet); you don't get enough variation (the
liquid diet); or you go broke (the all-meat diet).
Consequently, people tend to cheat of their diets, or quit
after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle
Diet. Over the years you may have noticed that most two
year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is
available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult
your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you
may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck!
Breakfast: one scrambled egg, one piece of toast with
grape jelly. Eat two bites of egg, using your fingers;
dump the rest on the floor. Take one bite of toast, then
smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
Lunch: four crayons (any color), a handful of potato
chips, and a glass of milk (three sips only, then spill the
Dinner: a dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, four sips
of flat Sprite.
Bedtime snack: throw a piece of toast on the kitchen
Breakfast: pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat
it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of
Lunch: half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a
handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). Add one ice cube,
Afternoon snack: lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take
outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping
until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on
Dinner: a rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust
up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed
potatoes; eat with spoon.
Breakfast: two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with
fingers, rub fingers in hair. Glass of milk; drink half,
stuff other pancake
in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from
rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.
Lunch: three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on
table and slurp up.
Dinner: dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some
red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if
Breakfast: a quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit
of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of
cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy,
drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
Lunch: eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room
carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.
Dinner: a glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave
meatball on plate; stick of mascara for dessert.