You need to read some good material on what hell is and what it isn’t, then.
I wish that God never created anyone. I don’t think any amount of people going to heaven makes up for even one human/angelic being going to Hell. Most people go to Hell, but even if it were a small number, I still think it’s a repulsive, disgusting idea. Why couldn’t God just annihilate the soul? If the soul/spirit is indestructible (for some inexplicable reason), then if I were God, I would just stay alone. God is loving. If He never created, then no one would have to miserable forever. No one would be happy forever either, but it’s not like they’re losing out, because they don’t exist. (As an atheist, I was also an antinatalist. I thought it was unempathetic to bring children into a world where they will suffer, and likely horribly).
The thing is, no one needs to go to hell who doesn’t want to. It’s really that simple. The whole reason Jesus became one of us was to save us from hell. He said: Matt.7 "Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For every one who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Does that sound like a God who wants to deny people entrance who seek for it? Hebrews 11:6c says: “he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” All who seek God will find him–all, even those who have never heard of Jesus because Jesus redeemed all men so that all who desire it can be saved. That puts the ball squarely in our court.
God created us out of love–because he loved so much he wanted creatures to share in his love–the angels and us. When Adam and Eve fell three consequences occured that make it harder for men to love God in return: Our nature was corrupted–wounded so that we do not neccesarily want what is best: our intellect was darkened so that we cannot understand God’s ways as he intended; and our will was weakened so that do not always do what we know we should do. All of these conditions are not insurmountable. God has given us his grace, and it is only by his grace that we can overcome these shortcomings, but it can be done. Many saints have proved it true.
Because of how I feel about Hell, I honestly want atheism to be true. If I could know that God weren’t real, it would relieve a lot of inner tension. No one has to suffer forever! I think Christianity, if true, is horrible.
Forever is not like the passage of time as we know it. Time is a part of the physical creation. When the universe ends, time ends, too. So what does forever mean? It means always present–always being what you are and never essentially changing. it’s why the saints in heaven can no longer sin and the souls in hell can no longer repent–not that they want to repent. If they’d wanted to repent while alive on earth they’d have done it.
Assuming Christianity is true…Is it God that I hate? Or do I just have a problem with the way reality works? Why did reality have to be such that if you don’t make certain choice(s), you have to suffer forever? I hate it. Reality is corrupt down to its core. Is it a sin to think like this?
Reality can be quite bad–when we see all the horrors perpetrated in the world, past and present, we know that reality can be bad as bad can be. But reality can also be better than we’d ever imagined it could be. Those who choose to be bad, and do not change, want to stay that way. We can harden our hearts to goodness or we can open our hearts to goodness. That is our choice. So, we’d better make the right one.
I’m also having doubts about free will. I don’t feel like I have it. Did I choose my last thought? And the one before that? They just seem to pop up, leave, etc. Satan supposedly rebelled out of pride, but…where did that pride come from? Did it just pop out of nowhere?
If there were no free will you would have no doubts–you’d be perfectly comfortable just being what and who you are. Do apes doubt their existence? Do dogs? No. Why? Because they don’t have free will as we understand it. God gave us this powerful gift–like fire it can be used to warm and cook or it can be used to destroy. How we use our free will is the question no whether or not we should have it.