There has been some discussion lately about mens and women’s dating behavior , on this forum, so I’m going to ask a question too.
I’m sorry, I have posted about this situation before, but I just can’t get my head around what is truly happening, and what response I should take to make the best of it.
Old Situation: my husband and I retired and moved to a place that turned out to be totally unsuitable for me. He promptly went back to work, two weeks out of four. Half the time he is gone, I mean out of the country gone. I am left alone and isolated, bored out of my mind. We don’t fight much, but he’s been pretty insulting and disrespectful to me about not being happy in this new situation. I see the situation as a mistake to be remedied, no judgment included. It’s just an amoral thing to be fixed. I have come up with several ideas that give each of us a lot, not all, but a lot of what we each want. All of which have been rejected, mostly for money reasons.
He sees it as a character flaw in me, gosh there is something terribly wrong with me that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in the woods with no people or nothing to do. It’s not that I just don’t like the place; I mean I wake up in the morning and think “how am I going to fill the hours?” It’s like being in prison alone. Like being a shut- in.
We are not yellers, but I’m a talker-outer, and he’s a sulker. Just our styles.
In 11 years, we have not been at odds about anything worth fighting about. We get along very well, and enjoy each other’s company.
We are spending some time in the city (down here) now, whilst he is working full time as a short time assignment. Three months. I’ve been able to join a gym, go to church, shop properly and I have dinner on the table every night. I’ve been trying to restore our love life, and our good feelings for each other. Up until yesterday, we had been getting along very well, and we both felt very happy. We’ve had some great talks, weighing the pros and cons of each job. We have been seriously talking about moving “down here”, even to the point of looking at real estate. Things have been good and felt normal to both of us. I had hope. For a change, I was feeling like his wife, rather than his problem.
New situation: In the mean time, out of the blue, he has been offered two jobs. One is back in the old country at an enormous salary, for three years. The other would be at a much more modest rate, here where we are living temporarily. Both are full time. Both would allow us the funds to buy “down here”. He has been enthusiastic about the overseas one even when I question him on whether he wants to do it. The other offer, he asked if the company he is working for now “down here” would be interested in him working full time. The idea being a full time ongoing job would allow us to get a mortage and buy down here. Our house in the other place could easily take two years or more to sell.
Everything was going great until yesterday. Suddenly he became sullen and expressed doubts about either option. He has lost his nerve. Even though everything is going very well, he is backing down. I’m Very scared that I’m going to have to go back the unsuitable place and rot alone whilst he gets to travel, earn money, see his family and friends. None of which I can do living there. The idea of this leads me to such despair. Back to praying for death.
Can someone please tell me what the ( ) is going on? For two years my husband has been all about money and earning more and more. Now he’s got an offer for six figures beginning with a five for three years(each!) in his home country (which he visits once a month) and he is balking. He has an offer “down here” for six figures starting with a one, and he is sulking.
Both make me happy, which should in turn, make him happier, and his life much, much better.
We’ve been blessed with two possible ways to fix it. Both of which offer him lots of money.
I don’t understand what is going on with him. And this latest setback has me totally stumped.
Do you think he wants me to leave? He says not. I’m very confused.
I love my husband very much and want to stay with him. But I can’t live alone in the woods and I don’t understand at all what is happening.