first off, this site is great:thumbsup:
it helps with all my questions:D
anyways this is a long story so here it goes
So in 4th and 5th grade i transfered to my first Catholic school having expectations that the kids would be nice and have morals, however, i soon realized this was incorrect. After about a month of attending this school, i was teased and harassed everyday, sexually and verbally. Basically, i had horrible thoughts of suicide(only to be with God not to end my life, if that makes sense) and that i was not a good person, however i asked God for help and my suffering caused me to become far closer to God. So close, that one day, after a in-school confession, i was praying in the church and i had an amazing overwhelming feeling on immense happiness and love, far greater than anything i had ever experience(and my parents/brothers are very loving). Immediately i knew this feeling was The Holy Spirit, and had no doubts about it, how i knew it was this part of The Trinity, i do not know, but it was. Because of the harassment, i went to the administration that did absolutely nothing except suspend a few kids, which was like a vacation from school for them. Thankfully, i am still here today, trying to lead a good, Catholic life without sin. I left the school in 5th grade and went to a small public school, which was a far better experience for me. i am now going into my sophomore year of highschool and i have a dilemma. Those same kids who caused me so much pain and sadness now go to school with me again at a Catholic school. i have talked to two priests about this and both have said forgive them in my heart, which i have attempted but everytime i see them i am filled with scorn and anger of their previous actions.
Here is an email i recently sent to the principal of the school for closure(names have been taken out for privacy reasons
My name is ****** and i attended (School) in fourth and fifth grade. As you may or may not remember, we shared numerous visits in your office discussing the discipline of some of the students who were also in my grade level. If you do not fully remember the extend of their harassment, i will refresh your memory.
About half way into my fourth grade your i transfered to (School) with high expectations of a Catholic School, seeing that i had never been to a private, catholic school. The harassment started almost immediately. My very first memory was being laughed at when i accidentally lined up in the girl’s line at the beginning of school. After that, things got surprisingly better. I ended up winning student council representative for my class, along with ######, who at the time was one of my friends. However, after fourth grade was over, something happened in the summer that changed the mind of all the spineless kids in my class. I am assuming ^^^^^^^, the ringleader, had successfully brainwashed his peers into disliking me. At the start of 5th grade, i was completely isolated, with no friends. The insults started as small remarks, slandering me, such as @@@@@, telling me i, “belonged in the girl’s bathroom to change for P.E.” The insults got worse from there. One of my most vivid memories was when ^^^^^^^ came up behind me in science and began to simulate anal sex. I would just like to again remind you that this was 5th grade. Amazingly, my peers began calling me “gay,” sending me into a horrible depression and even thoughts of suicide. After meeting with you, and !!!!! multiple times, the only discipline they received was detention, and at most, suspension, which was merely a vacation from school for them. (School) even implemented a anti-bully program to come to our class about once or twice a week to teach about bullying, which obviously did not work. When i confronted ^^^^^^^ about why he had made my life miserable, he simply replied, “because everybody else was doing it.” Not only would these kids torment me, they also showed no respect at all during mass. %%%%%%, ^^^^^^^ best friend, had no dignity and began calling people “jackasses” during mass. Another memory of mine was when ######, during lunch, told a younger kid to run up to me and tackle me. That day i told the nurse i was “sick” and went home.
Today i believe the reason why you decided to not expel any of these children was basically due to money. At the time, the tuition was about $4,000 a year, and loosing two or three of these kids would not help the school economically. However, i would like you to tell me why you did not expel these kids when you had the power to.
(School) was the worst school i ever went to. I felt like the administration was not on my side, but on the instigators’. If a parent asked me if they should send their child to (School), i would not hesitate to tell them that it was my worst experience ever. Perhaps the only beneficial thing i got out of this whole experience was a greatly increased relationship with God.
As you probably are aware, These kids that constantly harassed me, now attend JSerra Catholic High School. Which is where i also attend. So i want to say thank you. Thank you for letting harassment go on for a whole year and making an innocent child suffer greatly. Everyday i wonder, if i had not attended (School), how my life would be different. Hopefully you make better decisions along the way.
So thats my story
how in the world do i fully forgive them?