forgiveness


#1

I understand that it is important to forgive, but I am currently wanting to cut someone out of my life who is unhealthy for me (a family member). I feel that I forgive them, but no longer want this person in my life because it seems as though my forgiveness has been percieved as permission of past behaviours. If I cut this person out of my life, is that still considered forgiveness?
This is not a decision I have come to easily, I care a great deal about this person and it is not something I do callous :(:(


#2

Yes, you can forgive.

Forgiveness is to not wish any ill will or hold any anger to someone......Forgiveness is an act of the will. Christ said we are to LOVE our enemies....we're not called to LIKE them. Sometimes the best thing for both parties is to stay away from eachother.

Really, forgiveness is more for yourself.....to allow YOU to heal.


#3

[quote="truthquester, post:1, topic:313775"]
I understand that it is important to forgive, but I am currently wanting to cut someone out of my life who is unhealthy for me (a family member). I feel that I forgive them, but no longer want this person in my life because it seems as though my forgiveness has been percieved as permission of past behaviours. If I cut this person out of my life, is that still considered forgiveness?
This is not a decision I have come to easily, I care a great deal about this person and it is not something I do callous :(:(

[/quote]

Because someone is forgiven does not mean that you have to allow them to ruin your life. By the way, you don't just have to "feel" you forgive them. Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. You may be very upset and still be able to forgive.

I wish you the best.


#4

I struggle with this sometimes. Even when I try to forgive someone, sometimes the anger returns and I don't know what to do with it. Sometimes I think it's something that needs practice because when I feel the anger returning, I feel so guilty.
It seems like it should be such an easy concept to grasp, but it's a different story putting it into practice.

Sometimes I wish I could be a better person.


#5

[quote="truthquester, post:1, topic:313775"]
I understand that it is important to forgive, but I am currently wanting to cut someone out of my life who is unhealthy for me (a family member). I feel that I forgive them, but no longer want this person in my life because it seems as though my forgiveness has been percieved as permission of past behaviours. If I cut this person out of my life, is that still considered forgiveness?
This is not a decision I have come to easily, I care a great deal about this person and it is not something I do callous :(:(

[/quote]

[quote="MichaelHowling, post:2, topic:313775"]
Yes, you can forgive.
Christ said we are to LOVE our enemies....we're not called to LIKE them. Sometimes the best thing for both parties is to stay away from eachother.
Really, forgiveness is more for yourself.....to allow YOU to heal.

[/quote]

[quote="SteveVH, post:3, topic:313775"]
Because someone is forgiven does not mean that you have to allow them to ruin your life. By the way, you don't just have to "feel" you forgive them. Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. You may be very upset and still be able to forgive.

[/quote]

:thumbsup: I am VERY upset with the people with whom I live. I forgive them 80% ( I am working on the rest of it, don't worry! ) but I still cannot bear their nasty behavior towards others and me. They too will be cut out of my life. I will forgive 100%, I will pray for them and hope they grow up and realize their ways don't really work; they are toxic. Must leave but must find shelter first. They will be cut out but still forgiven. From a court appointed like distance, I hope.


#6

[quote="truthquester, post:1, topic:313775"]
I understand that it is important to forgive, but I am currently wanting to cut someone out of my life who is unhealthy for me (a family member). I feel that I forgive them, but no longer want this person in my life because it seems as though my forgiveness has been percieved as permission of past behaviours. If I cut this person out of my life, is that still considered forgiveness?
This is not a decision I have come to easily, I care a great deal about this person and it is not something I do callous :(:(

[/quote]

Hi truthquester. :) Being human, to forgive is really difficult. When it is said that to forgive is divine, it is in no small measure as saying that we can only truly forgive unless it is with the help of God. Thus forgiveness should begin with a decision and then pray that God will help us to really forgive like how Jesus forgives. Thus forgiveness is not just the eradication of anger and resentment towards the person we are forgiving but it also involves proactive action on our part too.

I am not sure what you really mean to cut that person who is your family member out of your life. Unless you have to do it because of some legal necessity, I believe by doing so your forgiveness is not complete. So you see how difficult it is to forgive. I used to give an example of how a person decided to forgive a church member from a hurt due to a misunderstanding. He however was still unable to really accept this person and very often for example went out if that person enter the same room.

Of course one has to be realistic. If by doing things together you will revert back to the past behavior which you have regretted, by all means don’t. You however can still perceive the person with compassion and love; that does not necessarily mean having to cut him totally out of your life or family ties because by doing that in some way smack of residual anger and non-acceptance on your part. I hope you will think about it.


#7

Hi, its hard to say that you're going to cut someone out of your life. However I think that to preserve your own existence/health etc maybe it is necessary temporarily until that person comes to change their ways truly. I think you can forgive from the heart and not hold any ill will/grudge towards the person and always be open to a new and different type of relationship with them. But I think that it is silly to continue having the same relationship with them that caused so much hurt/damage to you - I can't see the sense in that. eg. if someone repeatedly betrayed you via having affairs, and you just continued to forgive them and remained in the relationship as it was - well I don't think forgiveness requires this. However after a time of separation, if that person did genuinely come and apologise and you believed that they had changed, then I guess you could be open to a new sort of relationship with them - even if it meant just as friends. ::thumbsup::


#8

Forgiveness,yes. Reconciliation (with the person who has hurt us), maybe. It depends. You can still forgive, while choosing not to have any type of relationship with that person.

On the anger...my priest gave me simple, awesome advice in confession. "Every day, offer the anger to Jesus. Not because it is wrong, because it isn't (in my situation), but so that Jesus can help you to channel it." This has helped so much.

Sometimes anger is justified; it's whether we allow it to be constructive or destructive in our lives.


#9

We aren't required to stay in "toxic" relationships. Why? It could be damaging to do so. Take my ex and I. We were married, and divorced, long before I became a Catholic. I stayed in contact with him for years because he was given liberal visitation rights with our daughter. Not that he ever tried to see her. He mainly used this as an excuse to continue his verbal/emotional abuse. I've had no contact with him since 1994, which is fine by me. Yes, I'm working on forgiving him, but he will never be a part of my life again.


#10

If the person leads you into sin then yes you should cut them out. You cans still love them but you need to show tough love


#11

Ill also add it takes time to heal and time to forgive. If you feel you cant forgive, pray for guidance. Dont be hard on yourself, these feelings will change with time. All the best


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