Can I forgive someone and still be mad at them and never want to talk to them again? I know that I have forgiven them but I don’t want to hear any of their garbage and I don’t like it when he talks about me behind my back. Does this make sense?


You are forgiving him and praying for him? You are prayerful so I’m sure you are. Basically I think you’d already know that you need to employ commonsense in avoiding where possible exposure to unnecessary rudeness and betrayal by another, and that you pray for him. The kind of thing you describe can be corrosive and unsettling, removing peace from your heart and mind, and if you can charitable avoid that, good.

It’s commonsense wishing to avoid a possible occasion of sin due to inappropriate behaviour and gossip of another. I’m sure you don’t hate him. (“Anyone who says ‘I love God’, and hates his brother is a liar, since a person who does not love the brother that he can see, cannot love God whom he has never seen.” [1 letter of John 4:20-21].)

Dear God, You do not merely suggest that we love and forgive each other. You command it. Yet sometimes it is difficult to love and forgive. I ask grace to pray for anyone who hurts loved ones or me through misunderstanding, frailty, or malice. I ask grace not to judge anyone for real or imagined injustice or injury.

You know all judgments that I have made in my life since infancy, even those so habitual that I hardly notice. They may contribute to unloving or mistrustful attitude, and thus prevent me from living a life of love, grace and joy.

Every time anyone hurts or angers me, let Your grace remind me to acknowledge my real feelings. The matter may be trivial, but if ignored, my feelings may fester into resentment. Grant me forgiveness that rejects negative feelings and leads to compassion and reconciliation. Heal my lack of love for myself, for any other, and for You. Let me view my flaws and others’ with humility and patience.

God, I forgive and bless anyone who hurts or neglects my loved ones or me. Restore and bless anyone I have offended or neglected. Give them grace to accept my repentance. Procure reconciliation where I am afraid to risk the other’s bitterness or rejection.

Holy Spirit please go to each person I have ever hurt, flooding him or her with God’s abundant gifts of love and healing. Allow us to experience Your love, and help us to accept Your will, Your timing and Your ways. I trust all relationships and situations into Your love. 2001


God calls us to love our enemies but we don’t have to like them. If someone is being impossible and causing you grief, you do not have to associate yourself with him. When you forgive someone you should also pray for them and let go of the anger. It does you no good to remain mad. It will only occupy your time with negativity which could be used instead for positive behavior.

So, in light of the fact that remaining with someone who is bullying you is an act against the charity that you owe yourself, move on with others and pray that someday you will be able to get along with this person. It can happen. It did with me after years of conflict with my very next door neighbor.

Best of luck and God Bless…teachccd


Forgiveness and forgetfulness are not synonyms despite what we have often been taught. Sometimes we have something that we need to learn from an event that we have gone through.Although we are not responsible for the actions or reactions of another person, that does not remove the pain that we may be experiencing.
I know that you understand salvation as a process. Forgiveness is likewise a process. I am speaking here of my own experience. I want to forgive from my heart, but then something happens and I realize that there are remnants of unforgiveness that remain, that need God’s healing.
I’m not sure how much I have helped you with your struggles. For confidentiality reasons, and the Lord’s having told me “Do not reveal the sins of your brother,” I realize that my comments may be somewhat obtuse. Ask the Lord how He would have you handle the situation, to be responsive without being reactive (not always easy).
At the moment I am thinking of the forgiveness that Pope John Paul II gave the person who tried to assassinate him. He did not meet with him until a year after the incident. You may need to give yourself some time.
Ask the Lord to guide you in the timing and how to approach him. I’m sure that you want to follow Christ’s admonition to reconcile with a brother who has something against you.
There may be somebody else who can phrase what I am trying to say better than this admittably weak attempt. As others try, and you likewise have additional questions, I might find better words. I am definitely no expert when it comes to relationships.


Yes, it certainly does to me. I have someone from my past that I never want to see or hear again as a result of their past behaviour to me and others.

I’ve been told to forgive and forget - I have done the former (mostly) but I will not forget as doing so could land me back in the same situation. Also if my antenna starts flashing danger signals that someone’s behaviour is similar to the other persons I take note so I do not get sucked in again if it is or if it isn’t I do not avoid them unnecessarily.


In response to the specific question of can you stay mad at them - the answer is no. “Mad” or “Angry” are both emotional responses associated with hatred. Much milder yes, but still in that same, evil family.
Harboring anger is destructive while true forgivenss is healing.
Harboring anger will result ulimately in your saying or doing something sinful, for anger is like a cancer that will eat at your soul. You must cut it our for your own good.
Replace that anger with pity for this person who has hurt you. Pity them for their pride and self centeredness. Offer to make some amends if possible. Speak no ill word of them, even to yourself, for speaking to yourself is speaking to God within you. Then pray for them with all of your heart.

As to the other issues, avoiding them etc. Certainly you can do that, but once you have replaced your anger with pity for this poor wretched soul, you may not wish to. Once you have purged yourself of the ngative feelings, you may find that you can have contact with them without infection or fear, and that their barbs only make you pray harder for them. Others will see the change and understand who holds the high ground and is the stronger person. Other souls may even be saved by these demonstrations of Christian forgiveness.

May God be with you in your trial.



Yesterday, I heard or read somewhere you can forgive somebody without actually trusting them. When we have been hurt, we don’t want to be hurt again. There is no wisdom in returning to such a situation. Forgiveness is a process that often takes God’s grace. It is the reality behind the old saying that "to err is human, to forgive divine."
Trust is difficult to restore. It was in high school that I read that the only way to build trust is trust. Take your time.


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