Fornication Question

I guess sex questions are popular. How come fornication does not seem to hurt the man as much as the woman? I have been a situation. I was once “with” this guy for almost a year. He never liked me, gained any feelings beyond the physical for me – that is was it. I posted about this a while ago I believe. I guess I learned you cannot use your body to make someone like you. I liked him though. It seems like with sex, like guys can bang, leave and just not care. It seems a lot easier for men to move from sexual relationships without a feeling in the world. I would not generalize, I say all women are like me and get super emotionally attached. Plenty of women that are different than me. In general, it seems like men just do not care that much. I have known more men walk out on their families, than women.

I cannot really pinpoint why it is so important for me to have a man like me.

Women tend to be more sensitive than men.

It may be for a number of reasons. One is you may feel called to marriage and this is a prompt for you. Although you are called to go about it in a chaste and holy manner with respect to your dignity as a human person. Another is you have some insecurity issues and feel this will “fix” that, although that can be very harmful, as we are called not to find someone who is just going to get us a certain feeling, but to give of ourselves reciprocally. There could be many other reasons, and we cannot know in a forum like this, but you may talk it out with a good friend or even a professional counselor.

Also, men can be very much hurt in a relationship, and not just with fornication. You should not think you automatically have it worse because you are female. All people can be hurt.

All that being said, I’m sorry that you have endured a difficult time. May your paths be straightened and may you joyfully find fulfilment in accord with the Father’s will. :o

IMHO, if a guy “bangs and leaves” as you so eloquently put it…he doesn’t really like you.
He’s using you. And you should not have anything to do with those kind of people on any level.

Guy find women who respect themselves infinitely more attractive and interesting.

Sorry you were hurt in that relationship.

From a biological perspective, sex is much “cheaper” for a man than a woman. A Man creates millions upon millions of reproductive cells, and he does not have to carry the resulting child, while women only generate a limited number of eggs that can be fertilized, and then her body needs to cope with the stress of pregnancy and childbirth.

Women are biologically wired to find a partner that will take care of her during the pregnancy, and to provide for her offspring. That is why women bond so easily with their partners.

Men, on the other hand, are wired to procreate as much as possible in order to spread his genes. He may feel a desire to stick around, but if he does not think that an offspring would be produced, he will go find another mate. With the advent of contraceptives, most men assume that there will be no child, so it is that much easier for them to move on.



I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you. It’s very natural to have a member of the opposite sex like you. It helps to validate that you are someone of worth and respect. The key is - you have to realize this on your own. You cannot rely on the attention of a guy to make you feel worthwhile. If you can accomplish this, you’ll be much happier.

I hope that helps you on your way! Please feel free to post back here anytime.

I think the fornication you describe does hurt men… but it’s the opposite of the strong-emotional-hurt that you describe. I think it damages their ability to truly connect with others; it numbs them inside. When you start using others to get what you want, you start seeing everyone as a potential pawn… That’s a spiral down into spiritual death. One could argue that it is better to feel pain than to feel nothing!

I do not see “sin” that way. I imagine if you do not feel guilty for your transgressions or could care less, how does that hurt you? If you feel fine with where you are at, no matter what, why does it matter if transgresses God’s laws?

You put a lot of stock into emotions… What if you found that you were feeling them less and less, losing empathy, and becoming apathetic in life? Then you say you are not hurting because you don’t feel pain the way you used to, but someone looking from the outside can see that you have been damaged. You lose the ability to do important human things, like form authentic friendships/relationships, because that requires empathy for others. How can this not be seen as a tragedy, no matter whether you say “I’m happy this way”?

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