[Dear Moderators: I write this in the Traditional Catholic section of the forum because it largely relates to feelings of someone who left the SSPX, and seeking advice of other fellow traditional Catholics, who are more likely to have experienced simillar situations. However, if you believe this should be in the Family Life or Prayer Intentions forums, feel free to move it,]
I remember listening to an interview of a right-wing deputy of my country, who had been a high-rank communist, where she revealed some details of her exit of the communist party milieu. She related how she suddenly found herself without friends and, she said smilling, with no coffee shop to go to (as all her former "friends" were communist and disproved of her change).
Please do not assume I'm comparing the SSPX, which has plenty of good things, with the demoniacal communist ideology, because I'm not. However, the details of that interview came frequently to mind after I walked away from the SSPX. After more than two years of total commitment to the "cause", I found myself pretty much without friends (with the exception of a long-date friend), and, most of all, feeling tremendously isolated. After leaving my gilfriend due to other issues (as I described some months ago here on CAF), this feeling of loneliness became even more pressuring, and, I believe, is leading me towards a depression.
Yes, I know, perhaps the feeling should be the opposite, as I shifted from a small group to an huge reality: the Church! However, I believe those of you who have been SSPXers can relate to this: the SSPX is a family, and, specially if you are very commited to it (I did Chartres-Paris 2 times, I went to Écône, etc.), and thus you feel very integrated.
Now, on the contrary, I feel quite alone! I don't feel confortable in any parish in my region (there is not a single EF, not even a latin OF), and the parish where I feel better (which has a reverent OF) is not my home parish, and although I spend much of my time there, I don't have a close relation with the priests nor with any of the parish staff. Parishes look so closed (even my home parish does)!
Also, I've been being tempted (yes, I know it's a temptation, even my parents, who are'nt practicing Catholics have told me it's a stupid temptation) into thinking that perhaps I'll never find a girl that I could marry, because in my country/region traditional/conservative catholicism is pretty much non-existing. The only "conservative" group that is active here is Opus Dei, and I don't feel confortable with their spirituality (Opus Dei is great, but it's just not for me).
Once again, perhaps former SSPXers can relate to this: when you're a young SSPXer, you are within a circle of young people commited to the Church (in their way), and even if you don't find a girl within your chapel, you'll sure you'll find one at Post Falls, St. Mary's or in France.
Up to now this has been a huge rant, but my purpose is to see if anyone relates to these feelings and/or has experienced the same, or if you can give any encouragement.
After leaving the SSPX, I immediately joined the Confraternity of Saint Peter (even if the nearest FSSP chapel is some 600 miles away), so I could feel I belonged somewhere (even if only spiritually). I'm planning to start practising a martial art (Krag Maga) and to attend some FSSP mixed retreats in the future (perhaps a good way to find a prospective spouse). Do you have any further suggestion?
Of course, I would be very grateful if you pray an Hail Mary for me. This whole situation is not being easy to overcome. However, I hope this doesnt' sound like I regreat having left the SSPX. Nothing is better than to feel and to be in full communion with the Vicar of Christ. Ubi Petro, ibi Ecclesia.