Friend going through what she called homosexual "phase"


#1

My best friend from high school and I have been through a lot together, and I care about her very much. We had some tough times in our friendship when we went our separate ways to different colleges, especially because she is not good about returning phone calls. It took me a long time to get over the hurt I felt that keeping in touch with her always falls to me, but I have realized that I value her friendship enough to put in the extra effort and she never meant to hurt me.

This fall Sara told me that she was going to try being homosexual, but she thought it was probably a phase. I was floored by the news and did not really have a chance to respond since she told me right before someone walked into the room.

Although I did not see it coming, I understand why Sara is headed down this road. She has gone through extreme difficulties in the last year.

  1. She and her serious boyfriend of several years broke up. They had problems, including infidelity on both sides, so I was relieved to see the relationship end. The truth is she has never had a boyfriend who treated her very well.
  2. Sara’s parents are going through a very messy separation/divorce. Her dad now has a girlfriend and keeps moving in and out of her mother’s home. He also has a cocaine addiction and is not being a responsible father. I have talked about it with her because my parents went through a divorce a couple of years ago, but she has not turned to me for help in dealing with the situation.
  3. One of Sara’s very best friends and one of her roommates “came out” about a month before Sara decided to come out too.

Since last fall, Sara has dropped a lot of her school friends and hangs out with almost only people she has met through her school’s gay pride group. They encourage her in this direction, and she regularly goes to a gay club near the school. She has kissed a lot of girls at the club and has recently found a girlfriend. This girlfriend cheated on her, and Sara has forgiven her, broken it off and forgiven her again.

Her emotions are constantly up and down. One day she’s happy and her life is perfect. The next everything is horrible. Lately she has expressed feeling in doubt about her homosexuality, which I am very encouraged by, but she still has friends pushing her in that direction.

I’ve tried calling her more often and encouraging her to do things that are good for her, but I have never explicitly said I disapprove of her actions. She is not Catholic, and I have only recently come into the faith. I was baptized as a child, but my parents never went to church. I received First Communion and Confirmation last Easter. The hardest part of the faith for me to understand was the teaching on homosexuality because I have known very nice homosexual people and everyone around me said that being against homosexuality was being a bigot. I have since come into an understanding of why it is wrong, through prayer, Catholic talks on the subject and witnessing how homosexuality has harmed Sara. I find it very difficult to communicate this understanding to people who have known me a long time. Sara does not know that I feel this way.

In my opinion, my first step needs to be to somehow show her that she should take a step back from her homosexual behavior, rather than trying to convince her that homosexuality overall is wrong. I know she has had friends tell her it is wrong, and it seems to have done little to discourage her. She is no longer friends with those people, and I do not want to say something that will cut off communication with her.

I’ve been offering up a lot of prayers for her, but I don’t really know what else to do. I do not know what to say to someone who does not see anything wrong with being homosexual. Any suggestions?


#2

Is there a branch of the Courage apostolate near where you are located? Your parish priest might know, or be able to find out.

It comes through in your message that you want to be there for your friend, and help her. The people who minister to gays and lesbians who want to place their sexuality under the Lord will no doubt be able to give you guidance on how to do both.

Blessings,

Gerry


#3

[quote=Gerry Hunter]Is there a branch of the Courage apostolate near where you are located? Your parish priest might know, or be able to find out.

It comes through in your message that you want to be there for your friend, and help her. The people who minister to gays and lesbians who want to place their sexuality under the Lord will no doubt be able to give you guidance on how to do both.

Blessings,

Gerry
[/quote]

While you are looking for this, suggest to your friend, and make a pact with her, nothing but platonic relationships for a while (you determine the time). This might be a way for her to step back and examine what is going on in her life. I would encourage the Courage apostolate as well


#4

Make prayers to God for her, but also for yourself that you can be a good witness. I’m sure you have many areas in your life that you need to work on. I’m sure if you work on those, it’ll help not only bring more peace into your life, but also be a light for others. Often times its what is not said that says more than what you can say. If anything from what you have said about her, she what she really needs in her life is a friend and not someone who will abuse her sexuality. You can be that rock she needs, and maybe you can introduce her to a relationship to the True Rock that will never waiver in support for her. Be honest about your views on homosexuality. Well actually more on the acts and why they are wrong, but also that she is desearving every bit of worthiness of any other human. Speak the truth with love. Be her friend, she needs that more than anything. Prayers for you and for her.


#5

she will quickly get indoctrinated by her new friends that you do not “decide to be homosexual for a while” and they will try to convince her that she was born this way, the boyfriend was a mistake, and make her “come out” in a flagrant public way (and also drop all her straight friends). then they will lead her down the path you have already described, of promiscuity, infidelities, break-ups and exploitative, even violent relationships. Please stand by her as a friend, she is going to need you as she messes up her own life far worse than the bad things she has experienced have messed her up. Very sad. Courage has a support group for friends and relatives, can give you some good information on how to act, what to say, what not to say. Pray harder than you have ever prayed in your life, and consider fasting as penance, which Jesus tells us intensifies our prayer.


#6

[quote=puzzleannie]she will quickly get indoctrinated by her new friends that you do not “decide to be homosexual for a while” and they will try to convince her that she was born this way, the boyfriend was a mistake, and make her “come out” in a flagrant public way (and also drop all her straight friends). then they will lead her down the path you have already described, of promiscuity, infidelities, break-ups and exploitative, even violent relationships. Please stand by her as a friend, she is going to need you as she messes up her own life far worse than the bad things she has experienced have messed her up. Very sad. Courage has a support group for friends and relatives, can give you some good information on how to act, what to say, what not to say. Pray harder than you have ever prayed in your life, and consider fasting as penance, which Jesus tells us intensifies our prayer.
[/quote]

I think this is very good advice. If only I had stayed with the Church instead of following the “gay is ok” lies, my life would be a whole lot better in a multitude of ways. I pray everyday in thanksgiving that The Lord called me home to the One True Faith (The Catholic Church) and far, far away from the sinful destructive lies of the “gay and lesbian community”.


#7

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