Friend is dating a prostitute


#1

A good friend of mine (not a Catholic, not at all religious) has been dating this girl for some time.

I have been introduced to her too. She seems to me to be sympathetic and has a wonderful sense of humor and they appear happy together. But then they’re not really a perfect match either. She’s about 15 years younger than he is and very outgoing and extremely pretty. He’s more a reserved nerdy type and hasn’t really been too succesful on the dating scene.

She was previously always a bit vague about what she does for a living, but my friend recently confided to me that she’s some sort of a prostitute.

He doesn’t appear comfortable with this fact, but doesn’t really discuss it, so I don’t know if they’ve come to some sort of an arrangement that she should quit.

I don’t really want to get involved as it’s not my problem, and as I sadi, I don’t know the full story.

Should I be concerned?


#2

Concerned? Definitely.

What can you do? Probably not much directly. To be frank, a man who is dating a prostitute has probably lost a clear sense of reason with regard to the relationship. Perhaps he thinks he can save her from this? Whatever, I’d suggest your prayers are likely the best help you can offer. Of course, if the chance to offer your opinion arises, you should not shy away fromgiving it, even though it may be unwelcomed.


#3

[obligatory humor moment]
Is his name Hosea? Or has he been reading too much Francine Rivers?
[/end obligatory humor moment]

Yes, you should be concerned. But remember, intimate relationships are often a no-go area, so even if you offer gentle advice or admonition, you may be rebuffed. Pray for them. :slight_smile:


#4

The old saying… Opposites attract , can be so true…
It might work out ,or it could become a catastrophic disaster …
I suggest you just ask strategic questions, think hard about how and what to ask…
Because that’s what real friends do… Undependable friends would just walk away…


#5

If she is a “former” prostitute, I would caution your friend about inherent psychological issues that she may have. From my understanding, prostitutes, as a survival technique, have to be able to compartmentalize their consciences (they become “someone else” when they are doing their business than what they are when they are with their friends and family). That would be a challenge that, at least as far as I can see, would cause some serious damage to the woman.

Obviously, there is the possibility of diseases that she may have gotten herself…some of which might not go away (e.g., Herpes, HPV, HIV). So physical, periodic checks for her (and if he’s already had sexual relations with her, for him as well) are an absolute necessity.

With those things, people can change, so if she is a “former” – I wouldn’t necessarily want to tattoo a Scarlet Letter on her, but there are cautions that need to be considered.

If she is currently an escort, I would caution to avoid developing any serious emotional connection. Not necessarily to cut himself off altogether, but to be very, very cautious with himself. That profession inherently involves a lot of good acting…telling the clients what they want to hear. So trust should, inherently, be part of the deal. Obviously, the above suggestions regarding a “former” prostitute apply in spades if she is a “current” prostitute.

Most important, in either case, people (in my experience, women more than men) get involved with other folks believing that they can reform the other person. That inevitably fails…people only reform themselves when they want to reform themselves.

As to whether it’s your business to counsel this friend? I don’t know how well you know this person and what your relationship is, so it’s sort of tough. But the above are things to think about.


#6

IMO, No. Has you wrote, you do not know the full story. Maybe in time he will open up more to you about her being “some sort of a prostitute” and what he means by that. Also if they are using protection(condoms). If her clients use condoms and if she regularly gets tested for STD’s.
You wrote that “He doesn’t appear comfortable with this fact” It would be very uncomfortable for many to tell their friends that they were going out with “some sort of a prostitute” especially when that kind of lifestyle is alien to them.
Keeping praying for them both and be there for him. Maybe you will get to know her in time and get to know her story.


#7

Tell your friend to break it off, not tommorrow but yesterday!


#8

:frowning: That’s pretty sad. Sounds to me like his self-esteem is low and he feels like he just has to live with what she does, even though it upsets him.

I would be concerned, but I’m not sure how I would act on those concerns (if at all).


#9

He has become what is known in that industry as “a sugar daddy”. This is typically someone the prostitute can use for additional support, and is generally chosen for traits of generosity, and weaker will than that if the prostitute, so that the prostitute can be more in control.


#10

Mary Magadelene was a prostitute. :eek:


#11

Isn’t that just a pious tradition? :slight_smile:


#12

My thoughts exactly.
Mary.


#13

Sounds like the girl has the most to gain in this arrangement. I am not sure if she has the guy’s best interest in mind. Has God put these two together to go steady? Will she repent and bring him closer to God? Praying that God will give him wisdom and that he will make good choices which please our Lord.


#14

Pray for the both of them.


#15

I know Hollywood likes to portray every hooker as having a heart of gold, but in real life - no.

I’ve never knowingly been friends with a hooker. But I’ve known quite a few strippers and they only date people who do something for them. Even if its just as simple as supplying their money and drugs.

I guess it’s possible this woman really does like your friend. But it would the very first time I’d ever seen that and I’ve known quite a few strippers.


#16

You should absolutely be concerned. She could just be using him. I’d be sure to pray for him, as a starter.

That being said, I’m not sure how close you are to him, but you might want to address your concerns with him. Do so in a loving way, making it clear you’re worried about him and this situation. See what good comes from that.

The absolute bottom line is this: there is no way that relationship will go anywhere unless she quits her profession, has a profound conversion from that life and has a firm amendment never to go back. It doesn’t sound like that has happened or is even in the picture.


#17

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