Friend (Minor) in Trouble, Inform Parents?


#1

A young friend of mine (sophomore in high school) told me last night that she thinks she may be pregnant. I asked her what she might do if she really is pregnant and she said “get an abortion.” :frowning:
Her boyfriend is 21 years old and her parents do not know about him. This situation is serious and I feel compelled to go inform her parents. However I do not want to rush into this and if there are reasons why I should not tell her parents I would really like to know what you all think about it. She said she was going to “sneak” out last night to take a pregnancy test but so far hasn’t told me anything new.

I have already mentioned to her (gently) that abortion will change her life in a terrible way. I also indicated that what her boyfriend is doing with her (the sex, having her lie to her parents, etc) is wrong and that a real man who loves her wouldn’t be encouraging these things. I think by what she responded with is that she knows deep down that something isn’t right with this relationship. She also said that she has no idea how abortion works so perhaps all she needs is some good information to help make the right decision.

Please lend me your thoughts on this and please pray for this girl, the boyfriend, and the potential child!

God bless


#2

Sorry but one thing you left out was is your friend catholic also? You know the ramifications if she is. Irregardless, you should talk to a priest first on what you should do.
Second, put it in perspective, if she was doing dangerous drugs (meth, heroin), would you hesitate getting her help/talking to her parents? If not, what is the difference? She is engaging in dangerous behavior and the consequences is the possibility of a life being ended.
I will pray for you that you make the right decision as well as for both you and your friend in this difficutl time.


#3

I would advise your friend to notify her parents. She is still a minor. Have that perverted 21 year old arrested for statutory rape.

However, you telling the parents is much different situation-I cringe at the thought of tattling to anyone. To me, it’s by far my biggest pet peeve, running and squealing. It’s repugnant to me.

I feel so sorry for you guys. Your way too young to have to deal with situations like this. I’m so sorry.

Your in my prayers.


#4

you must inform them and report to the authorities (which you can do anonymously by phone or internet) if she is a minor. there is no choice, no discussion, no waiting period. do it now or you risk becoming an accessory if it comes out you protected this man by your silence.

what would you do if your friend was contemplating any other life-threatening dangerous risk-taking action–doing drugs, suicide, stealing cars. If you don’t tell you become part of the problem, not the solution.


#5

that is tough… but your response has been kind, forgiving, and righteous.

directing her to pro-life resources is good, and she seems to be responding openly to that. this is obviously a huge change for her, and being able to see the arguments against abortion and for life would be a huge help to her, and her baby.

sounds like you’re being an excellent friend, Jenlovesyu. Priests for Life is a good resource. right now this girl needs prayers, direction, someone to listen, and someone to talk to. do you know anyone with a strong faith and experience in the Catholic community who could be of help to her? ideally a strongly pro-life priest or Catholic counselor?


#6

To clear my own post, I agree with PuzzleAnnie on this issue-that scum bag needs to go to jail.

PuzzleAnnie made a great point-call the police on an anonymous tip line.


#7

I wasn’t thinking about all of that :o
But thank you, you put this in perspective for me.


#8
  1. Do you know her parents? Are they pretty much regular people?

  2. Obviously she has not wanted to discuss all this with them, but she really really needs to. If she is Catholic, maybe going to Confession beforehand would help her. But overall, what I would suggest is that if she does not want to tell her parents alone, you could offer to be there with her to offer moral support as she tells them.

  3. It may well be that no one will be able to prosecute him for statutory rape, but please impress upon her, and have her parents do the same, the utter wrongness and despicability of what he did, that *he *lied to her, that *he *was wrong in what happened. She might not understand that right away (since they are probably “in love”), but later that will help her. If her father (or another very good understanding man, maybe the priest) can have a good talk with her about how men prey on women, that would be very helpful.

  4. Whether she is pregnant or not, she will need support as she goes through this, maybe even professional. She *has *been violated–I think that it is a rare 15-year-old who is the instigator of this type of thing with an adult, and even then, the adult should refrain from taking advantage)–she has been lied to and defrauded of so much of her youth.

This is really kind of you to help her, and I will pray for all of you.


#9

You must indeed inform her parents about this. You can ask them to not say it was you that brought this to their attention.

What a scumbag this boyfriend of hers is. Just reading about how this dude is using her angers me, and I wouldn't feel too bad about giving him a good butt-kicking. Still, I must remain charitable, as difficult as it is. I will say that he is no man in my eyes. Real men don't act like this.


#10

Dude! You and I can team up and give him a good butt-kicking. Let’s clean the merchants out of the temple!

Charity can take a break for a few minutes.


#11

I think you have a responsibility to tell the parents unless you believe the information may cause them to abuse her or support/coerce her into an abortion.


#12

Offer to be with her when she tells her parents. I’m sure she is scared to death, and will need as much moral support as possible. If she still won’t tell her parents, I’d do the anonymous tip suggestion.

The poor girl was taken advantage of by an adult. That is rape, and she needs help.


#13

I hope I can answer all your questions…

She is not Catholic as far as I know. I have met her mom a couple times. They come from a culture where academics and such are highly important so I know they have high expectations of her. As far as their moral standpoint though, I do not know if they would support an abortion or not. She really believes that her parents would have this man put in jail though if they found out. I’m not sure how they would react to all of this otherwise.

Perhaps going with her to talk with her parents may help. I will encourage her to speak with them somehow.


#14

Remeber Jenlovesyu, this man deserves to be in jail for what he did. I’m not sure about this , but I think a minor CANNOT give consent to sexual acts.

Please, please, please-have teenagers who go on Myspace or Facebook read this post and see the pain it causes other friends when you have sex too young!

My heart goes out to you, Jenlovesyu. Your a good friend to her.


#15

Call 1-800-395-HELP


#16

RascalKing is correct No minor can give consent to sexual acts. What this guy did to her is rape. He needs to man up and pay for his actions which includes jail time. Her parents need to be informed and the police need to be called.
What kind of sick pervert has sex with a 14/15 y.o anyway?


#17

I’ll second many thoughts in here:

This is a serious issue of statutory rape. NOT ONLY must her parents be notified - but the police must be called. I would notifiy her parents first. They should be the ones to call the police, but you can too if they take no action.

Think of it this way: Failure to act now will mean that you are complicit in not just grave sins, but a serious secular crime.

Have courage and do what is right, even if it costs you your friendship.

I will pray for you!

God bless


#18

I would also like to add that if it turns out your friend is not pregnant her parents and the police still need to be informed because the girl is a minor and having sex with a 21 year old which is still illegal


#19

One more thought: Perhaps she told you actually hoping that you would tell her parents.

She may very well want out of this relationship and doesn’t know how to do it.

Prayers for all.


#20

It may cost you your friendship, but for her sake as well as your own conscience you should inform her parents. Consult with your parents to help. Good luck.


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