Friend needs help with advice


#1

What advice can I give a friend who is in a very sad marriage, has to do all the work (job AND housework)?
neither do I want to say "leave him", nor do I want to say "well you just have to deal with it"... What if he doesn't change?


#2

Some people will exploit others when given the opportunity, it sounds like your friend’s husband is someone like that.

What do you mean when you say she does all the work? Her husband doesn’t even have a job, and he doesn’t do housework?

The way to get him to contribute to housework is to stop doing it for him. Don’t make him any food, don’t do his laundry. If he is going to leave his dirty socks and underwear all over the place to the point that it’s impossible to live there, gather it all up and throw it in the garbage. Don’t give in and actually wash it for him.

As long as she is doing everything for him, he has no reason to contribute. It’s sad, but that’s how some people operate.


#3

The problem is there are two kids involved too...


#4

How old are the kids? If they are old enough to do laundry and the like the same can apply to them. If they’re not, she can still selectively take care of their needs and let the husband fend for himself.

It’s really ridiculous for a grown man not to pull his own weight around the house, if after all this time he doesn’t see the reasoning behind contributing to the running of the household what can she do other than force him to contribute by not doing anything for him?


#5

The family can hire someone to come in and clean house - with two incomes, two full time working parents, there is usually some of the "domestic" work that must be hired out.


#6

Only one income. Hers.
And hardly enough to even buy enough food, or school books for the kids.

It may be that he is also depressed. (He has had health problems too.) And thus can’t get himself to go get a job. The whole situation is very complicated.

I think my question was, how can I be supportive of her without encouraging her to do something sinful?

Anyway thank you all for your replies.
If anybody wants to say a prayer for that family, please do so.

Kathrin


#7

What does he do all day? Does he do something like watch TV or play videogames? Does he even try to find work?

Separating from a spouse is not a sin if there’s reason to do so. It’s remarriage while being in a valid marriage already that’s the sin.

She could always do things like cut off the internet when she’s not home, stop paying for cable, stop buying him even the basic necessities to motivate him to get a job. But obviously if that forces him to work, he probably won’t be all that appreciative towards her.

Also after something like that, it would be hard to respect him. But can she respect a guy who doesn’t work and does nothing around the house anyway?

Would he be willing to see a psychiatrist to possibly get treated for depression?


#8

Thank you, FlyingFish.

[quote="flyingfish, post:7, topic:178607"]
Separating from a spouse is not a sin if there's reason to do so.

[/quote]

That's what I wasn't sure about...

Since it is about somebody else I didn't want to put too many details in a public forum, better, isn't it?

Kathrin


#9

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