Friend, Priest, Confessor


#1

Hello,
I consider my parish priest a friend and I’m finding it difficult to approach him in the confessional. He does know my situation very well and gives sound advice, but I’m afraid of damaging our friendship.
I haven’t been in quite a while and have some disturbing things to confess. Would going to a different parish for confession be helpful or harmful? Thanks, Tim


#2

Confession is not about the priest and the penitent; it is about the God of Mercy and the sinner. You confess not to man but to God; the priest is only the instrument of God.


#3

I understand this, but should I trade anonymity for direction or should I have faith that the direction I recieve is transcendent to any priest I go to? Tim


#4

I had a similar situation many years ago. I had a good priest friend who was also my Spiritual Director and regular confessor. After a grueling week long silent retreat I was made aware of a very serious sin from my past. I knew I had to confess it but I was wrestling with the notion of going to him for confession, afraid it would affect our relationship. I even mentioned to him that I was struggling with going to confession to him for a particular sin and he said he would have no problem hearing my confession but if I felt like it I should go to someone else. However, I always got a lot out of his advice and he was my spiritual director and understood me very well It took me awhile but I decided to go to him but warned him before that I would have a hard time with it. He was so gentle with me and allowed me as much time as I wanted before I was able to tell him my sin. I felt so bad, and embarassed, but he was so kind. For my penance he gave me one Our Father because he said I beat myself up so much already.

As I said that was years ago and we are still good friends and he is still my spiritual director. My BIG confession did not affect our relationship at all, in fact I think it made it stronger.


#5

Top - definitely go to a priest you feel comfortable with. Always make confession as easy and comfortable as possible; so that you can focus on confessing. Don’t let anything get in the way of, or distract you from, making a good confession and receiving absolution.


#6

I wouldn’t exactly say that…in confession, the priest also forgives on behalf of the Church.

It is hard to go to confession to priests who are also your friends, and there are times when it may not be wise (for example, if the sin was against him, or a mutual friend of yours). Often, however, it can be very helpful. The Sacraments are the best things that anyone can give us in this life- because they most effectively strengthen us as we prepare for the next. What priest wouldn’t want to give his friends the best he can give? What lay person wouldn’t want to have the advice, the help, and the reassurance they get in confession from someone they know- who knows them? It can be tough to tell friends what you’ve done wrong, but if he’s a good priest, he will see your contrite soul, and absolve you- and will then only see your pure soul.


#7

Thank you all for your response’s. I’ll have to do some thinking as I prepare myself for this. Tim


#8

If your friend is a holy one, you want to discuss with him spiritually. If that friend is also a priest, make him your best friend; if that best friend is your confessor, why wouldn’t you want to talk deeper about yourself on your spirituality? What a best-friend-priest is for? :slight_smile:


#9

I would go to the preist to whom I think I can make the best confession and receive God’s gracce. If you feel awakward to confess a particular sin to your friend priest, then go to another priest. The purpose is to reconcile with God, receive absolution and grace then move forward. Do not let embarassment stands in the way.

Personally, I always go to my spiritual director for confession.But in this case, you don’t have to. It is your choice, there is nothing right or wrong about it.


#10

Hi Tim…I once had a confessor and director who was also a great friend of mine - he is now deceased. But if you feel uncomfortable with a certain priest as confessor, it just may be better to seek a confessor who is not also a friend. If your parish priest is a good priest and it sounds as if he is, your confessions no matter content will not one bit affect your friendship for sure - I can absolutely guarantee this. But as I said if you are not comfortable, probably best to seek a different priest to confess to and one you can feel comfortable with. I dont think there is any hard and fast rule here, except your own happiness and personal security and peace of mind and these are gifts of God, treasure and protect them. “Seek after Peace and pursue it”.

Good to catch up with again in these cyber halls, Tim:thumbsup: …Barb:)


#11

Hi all,
I think there might be a hidden lesson in this for me. To approach the Lord more as a friend then a overseer. Maybe to have a healthier balance in my relationship with God, yet still be humbled and contrite. I’m not sure, but it seems like a cop out to go to another priest esp. since this priest has confided in me before to build trust. Most of you all agree to make it as comfortable as possible, but I get a sense of a teacher student thing in respect to him being ordained by God to be mediator, trumping all else. I don’t think I can go wrong either way, but may just delay a lesson. Now to muster the courage, which might take a while. Thanks all, Tim


#12

I heard Father Corapi talking about this one night on EWTN. He said that it’s fine to go to a different parish for Confession… if you are uncomfortable confessing to more familiar priests.

Fr. Corapi said that the important thing is to make GOOD confessions. Don’t “not” confess, just because we are embarrassed to do so, with our own parish priests.

I usually go to another parish for regular confessions… because we are friendly and familiar with our priests, too. We see them quite often during the week (daily Masses, etc.).

I hope this helps, in some way. God bless.


#13

I have no problem confessing to the parish priests, though I worked closely with them for several years. However, many of the paid staff prefer to confess to visiting priests.


#14

I always said I would never confess to a priest I worked with, until I was hired by the parish where my regular confessor woked. Sort of made it convenient to go to confession but aside from him, I still would not go to a priest I worked with…especially the pastor. (my regular confessor was transferred awhile ago so we don’t work together anymore). I have gone recently to priests I used to work with when my confessor was not available. I kind of like going to confession to priests I know well and who kno w me, rather than ones I don’t know


#15

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.

I think that the decision is ultimately up to your own conscience, and I see two ways to question oneself about it. (1) Would one like to make a full, complete, and Godly confession, keeping one’s dignity intact (2) Would one like to humble oneself, remembering that humility is the most important of all the virtues, - if I do not perceive incorrectly that humility may be something to think about here… "Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, [INDENT]"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble"
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.(1 Peter 5:5-6)

An excerpt from **Devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus **, a book compiled from revelations/apparitions of the Sacred Heart of Jesus to St. Margaret Mary Alacoque and comments of her confessor, on sincere humility: en.wikisource.org/wiki/Devotion_to_the_Sacred_Heart_of_Jesus#II..E2.80.94_SECOND_MEANS..E2.80.94_Sincere_Humility.

"… without humility, there is no true piety. We are sufficiently convinced of the necessity of this virtue; all the difficulty consists in knowing what is true humility. Many think they are truly humble, as soon as they have a low opinion of themselves. But they deceive themselves, if they are not at the same time well pleased, that others should entertain the same opinion of them. It is not enough that we acknowledge ourselves to possess no virtue or merit. We must believe it. We must be pleased that others believe it… The most certain mark of sincere humility is to have a special love for those who despise us: never to avoid any humiliations that present themselves to us… never to speak to our own advantage; never to complain and not to allow others to complain of anything Almighty God allows to happen to us; to excuse the failings of our neighbor, never to be troubled at our own relapses; to defer to others in all things; never to undertake anything but with diffidence in ourselves, and to have little esteem for what we do. Finally, to pray much, and to speak little.

Any one who is convinced that he is very miserable, is not offended if he is despised: he sees that it is only just. A humble man, whatever bad treatment he may receive, thinks that justice is done him. Men do not esteem me; they are right, they agree in this with God, and with the Angels. Whoever has deserved hell, thinks that contempt is his due. It is not meant by this, that we are obliged to receive a humiliation with sensible pleasure. Contempt is naturally disagreeable. But not to complain, to be silent under contempt, to thank God for it, and to pray to Him for those whom He makes use of to humble us, whatever repugnance nature may feel in submitting, are certain marks of sincere humility, without which there is no virtue. We have enemies, says St. Paul, within and without us, who spread snares for us on every side. The love of humility, of abjection, of a hidden and obscure life, is a powerful remedy against so many evils. There is no peace but in the forgetfulness of ourselves. If we wish to become perfect, we must resolve to forget even our own spiritual interests, and to seek only the pure glory of God.

Maybe to pray the Most Holy Rosary from the Sacred Heart of Jesus through the Immaculate Heart of Mary for one’s confessor, as a person that God may have used to humble you and to pray a Most Holy Rosary for spiritual discernment, a gift of the Holy Spirit through the Immaculate Heart of Mary (Mediatrix of all graces), and the greater glory of the Sacred Heart of Jesus through the Immaculate Heart of Mary may help!!

Free info on almost all I know on devoting oneself to the Sacred Heart of Jesus through the Immaculate Heart of Mary:
Pereptual online Adoration of the Sacred Heart of Jesus louisville-catholic.net/WebCameras/AdorationChapel/tabid/825/Default.aspx
True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin montfort.org.uk/Writings/TrueDev.html
**Secret of the Rosary ** montfort.org.uk/Writings/Rosary.html
Preparation for 33 day consecration to the Blessed Virgin saintlouisdemontfort.com/consecration.cfm

Here are some prayers for you :slight_smile: For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world!! Jesus, I trust in you!! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world!!

[/INDENT]

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *


#16

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