Friends: After 2 1/2 years of infidelity, my marriage is OVER


#1

Dear Friends and everyone who has followed my saga, been a friend to me and offered me such good advice over a 2-3 year period here.

My 20 year marriage is OVER and I am sad. Please he

I discovered once again, 2 weeks ago, more info that my husband of 22 years with our kids, 2 teens, that HE has chosen to continue to be unfaithful, in STILL pursuing his stripper, and carrying on with her, sneaking around, behind my back, saying it was/is over, planning the bus route to her stripper nudie bar, writing her sexual notes, and etc . I asked for the Lord to reveal anything else to me about a month ago, telling HIM I cannot endure any more. Lo and behold, I knocked his wallet off his dresser one day and STUFF fell out, among them, sexual perverted scribblings he directed to this stripper, a detailed bus schedule from our home to the strip joint, women';s phone numbers, free passes to nudie bars which he had cut out from our local sleeze mag.....etc. THIS friends was 2 weeks ago now, and THE FINAL STRAW. EVER. I tried for 2 years, I thought WE tried, when come to find out only I did. My heart was shattered again. BUT, this was indeed the turning point, and final straw for me, after 2 years of his infidelity, and all you all have been with me on and known. A marriage involves two, not just one. Right?

I finally have reached my limit. I will NEVER take him back. He is sick in his head, I KNEW for sure after I read these obscene and disgusting scribblings he wrote addressing his favorite whore. When I read/found them, my heart leaped, thinking this is not healthy, for me or my kids, and I need to separate, immediately. Luckily he left without too much drama. For THE LAST TIME. My 19 yo son had a breakdown at work 2 days after my h moved out, saying he cannot endure this any longer, that he almost fainted at work, that has had it, etc.....I realized I cannot put my precious kids through any more turmoil. And I am feeling really bad that I tried so hard to make it work, 4 separations, thinking/believing my husband was wanting to change. I find out now he is not/does not want to. It has been utter HELL. He is in deep sin, and not wanting to get out from the pitt. I cannot be dragged into it with him, my kids too any more. Lord help me. Friends pray for me. Thank you.

NO MORE. I tried for two years. My heart really relates to what Elin Nordegren, (Tiger Woods' wife) who has said recently, "A marriage without trust or love is good for no one". This is my sentiment exactly. She found this out after 9 months. For me it was 2 years. I ask myself what was my problem? being so weak? But then I am reminded, I loved my husband with my whole heart, so love does not count the cost.

Thank you all for listening.

Corinne~


#2

I am so sorry for you and your children Connie.

You are deeply wounded, disappointed and angry. I know that it may sound insensitive right now, but keep somewhere in your mind that you must forgive him. It is the only way you will ever get past this tragedy.

I will pray for all of you.


#3

I Will say a Rosary for you and your children, and keep you in my prayers.

IMO I think you are doing the right thing, you need to get your children away from that. Your husband seems like he is enjoying the fruits of the evil one, and you must guard agaist him taking you with him. Be sad, a broken marriage is a sad thing, but do not harden your heart or wish him anything bad. It seems like satan has a firm grip on him, and the way to get to you would be through hating your husband, or wishing him bad. You must avoid this! Whenever bad thoughts or ideas come into your head, you must picture satan's ugly face with a slow smile starting to spread across his evil face, and his evil minions dancing around, starting to get excieted. He knows how easy it would be for you to go to his side, so you have to cling to Jesus all the harder now. Don't let your husband take you with him!
We will be praying, and saying Rosaries for you. Keep strong,and may God give you extra blessings at this hard time in your life.
If you need someone to talk to, PM me anytime.
tuscany


#4

I'm sorry for you, and I must agree with Lutherlic. Your path to healing, leads through forgiving him. Not necessarily forgetting what he did...


#5

Corinne, please know that you and your children are in my prayers :gopray:


#6

You'll have to forgive him, but don't stay with him! Get away from him!

he does not love you, and hes lied to you for years. Get away NOW! it will only hurt you more and more.

Leave him and take the kids with you. Time to get over this jerk and find a new love. Somebody who will never betray you like this again.


#7

Dear Corrine:

We pray for you, please do not despair. God Bless and keep you.

Your story is too familiar and scary. I am sorry that this is going on. I also had a breakup of my first marriage and I know how it is when it it so DONE. This is a HUGE slap in your face and I an sorry, my sister.

God Bless and I will pray.


#8

[quote="Corinne3, post:1, topic:210752"]
Dear Friends and everyone who has followed my saga, been a friend to me and offered me such good advice over a 2-3 year period here.

My 20 year marriage is OVER and I am sad. Please he

I discovered once again, 2 weeks ago, more info that my husband of 22 years with our kids, 2 teens, that HE has chosen to continue to be unfaithful, in STILL pursuing his stripper, and carrying on with her, sneaking around, behind my back, saying it was/is over, planning the bus route to her stripper nudie bar, writing her sexual notes, and etc . I asked for the Lord to reveal anything else to me about a month ago, telling HIM I cannot endure any more. Lo and behold, I knocked his wallet off his dresser one day and STUFF fell out, among them, sexual perverted scribblings he directed to this stripper, a detailed bus schedule from our home to the strip joint, women';s phone numbers, free passes to nudie bars which he had cut out from our local sleeze mag.....etc. THIS friends was 2 weeks ago now, and THE FINAL STRAW. EVER. I tried for 2 years, I thought WE tried, when come to find out only I did. My heart was shattered again. BUT, this was indeed the turning point, and final straw for me, after 2 years of his infidelity, and all you all have been with me on and known. A marriage involves two, not just one. Right?

I finally have reached my limit. I will NEVER take him back. He is sick in his head, I KNEW for sure after I read these obscene and disgusting scribblings he wrote addressing his favorite whore. When I read/found them, my heart leaped, thinking this is not healthy, for me or my kids, and I need to separate, immediately. Luckily he left without too much drama. For THE LAST TIME. My 19 yo son had a breakdown at work 2 days after my h moved out, saying he cannot endure this any longer, that he almost fainted at work, that has had it, etc.....I realized I cannot put my precious kids through any more turmoil. And I am feeling really bad that I tried so hard to make it work, 4 separations, thinking/believing my husband was wanting to change. I find out now he is not/does not want to. It has been utter HELL. He is in deep sin, and not wanting to get out from the pitt. I cannot be dragged into it with him, my kids too any more. Lord help me. Friends pray for me. Thank you.

NO MORE. I tried for two years. My heart really relates to what Elin Nordegren, (Tiger Woods' wife) who has said recently, "A marriage without trust or love is good for no one". This is my sentiment exactly. She found this out after 9 months. For me it was 2 years. I ask myself what was my problem? being so weak? But then I am reminded, I loved my husband with my whole heart, so love does not count the cost.

Thank you all for listening.

Corinne~

[/quote]

Hi Corinne,

Don't feel guilty if you have strong feelings and emotions about all this, because that is normal when your marriage breaks down. Feelings are neither good nor bad, but can be expected in this situation. Shock, disbelief, anger, depression...those are normal feelings when dealing with marital betrayal. One day, these feelings will no longer bother you and you will find out what a relief that is. That is when you will be able to accept what happened without feeling anything at all.

Speaking from experience, forgiving him does not mean you have to chat with him and be nice and act like nothing ever happened.. In fact, I would suggest you impose a period of not engaging with him at all, if possible. You need the emotional and physical space to heal from this trauma. At least, that has been my experience.

Don't obsess about this anymore. Everytime you think about what he has done, offer your feelings up to God. Let go of them. Only God can help him now, not you. He is broken and cannot be healed by you.

By all means, pray for him, but don't let the thought of him dominate your thoughts like they have the last several months. Train your mind to let go of them and think of something positive.

If you can, go see another counselor to help you cope with what is coming up next. Lawyers are not counselors, and can be quite cold because they are concerned about law, not your feelings.

And lastly, forgiveness is an action, not an emotion. However, it can take time to feel like you have forgiven someone, especially if you have been badly hurt. That is normal too. Saints are not made in a single day.

Hugs to you. I know how heartbreaking it is. But you will survive and you will stand up one day, and realize that you have your self respect back. That will be a great day.


#9

Your husband has problems that you did not cause and that you cannot fix. Get a good lawyer to protect yourself and the children and just take one day at a time from here. Everything will work out for the best for you and your family.


#10

I agree, get a lawyer and get away from him. Hes done too much damage, and you deserve better. you deserve a man who will love you and ONLY you.


#11

[quote="Ailina, post:8, topic:210752"]
Hi Corinne,

Don't feel guilty if you have strong feelings and emotions about all this, because that is normal when your marriage breaks down. Feelings are neither good nor bad, but can be expected in this situation. Shock, disbelief, anger, depression...those are normal feelings when dealing with marital betrayal. One day, these feelings will no longer bother you and you will find out what a relief that is. That is when you will be able to accept what happened without feeling anything at all.

Speaking from experience, forgiving him does not mean you have to chat with him and be nice and act like nothing ever happened.. In fact, I would suggest you impose a period of not engaging with him at all, if possible. You need the emotional and physical space to heal from this trauma. At least, that has been my experience.

Don't obsess about this anymore. Everytime you think about what he has done, offer your feelings up to God. Let go of them. Only God can help him now, not you. He is broken and cannot be healed by you.

By all means, pray for him, but don't let the thought of him dominate your thoughts like they have the last several months. Train your mind to let go of them and think of something positive.

If you can, go see another counselor to help you cope with what is coming up next. Lawyers are not counselors, and can be quite cold because they are concerned about law, not your feelings.

And lastly, forgiveness is an action, not an emotion. However, it can take time to feel like you have forgiven someone, especially if you have been badly hurt. That is normal too. Saints are not made in a single day.

Hugs to you. I know how heartbreaking it is. But you will survive and you will stand up one day, and realize that you have your self respect back. That will be a great day.

[/quote]

Hi Allina:

Thank you so much. My heart is heavy right now therefore I cannot write much, but thank you friend.


#12

[quote="BlueShadow123, post:6, topic:210752"]
You'll have to forgive him, but don't stay with him! Get away from him!

he does not love you, and hes lied to you for years. Get away NOW! it will only hurt you more and more.

Leave him and take the kids with you. Time to get over this jerk and find a new love. Somebody who will never betray you like this again.

[/quote]

Thank you just so much! You are right!:thumbsup::D:D:D


#13

[quote="Ailina, post:8, topic:210752"]
Hi Corinne,

Don't feel guilty if you have strong feelings and emotions about all this, because that is normal when your marriage breaks down. Feelings are neither good nor bad, but can be expected in this situation. Shock, disbelief, anger, depression...those are normal feelings when dealing with marital betrayal. One day, these feelings will no longer bother you and you will find out what a relief that is. That is when you will be able to accept what happened without feeling anything at all.

Speaking from experience, forgiving him does not mean you have to chat with him and be nice and act like nothing ever happened.. In fact, I would suggest you impose a period of not engaging with him at all, if possible. You need the emotional and physical space to heal from this trauma. At least, that has been my experience.

Don't obsess about this anymore. Everytime you think about what he has done, offer your feelings up to God. Let go of them. Only God can help him now, not you. He is broken and cannot be healed by you.

By all means, pray for him, but don't let the thought of him dominate your thoughts like they have the last several months. Train your mind to let go of them and think of something positive.

If you can, go see another counselor to help you cope with what is coming up next. Lawyers are not counselors, and can be quite cold because they are concerned about law, not your feelings.

And lastly, forgiveness is an action, not an emotion. However, it can take time to feel like you have forgiven someone, especially if you have been badly hurt. That is normal too. Saints are not made in a single day.

Hugs to you. I know how heartbreaking it is. But you will survive and you will stand up one day, and realize that you have your self respect back. That will be a great day.

[/quote]

Thank you so much. I am weak and crying now as I read this but tomorrow will be better.


#14

Corrine, you are not weak. Everyone has their bottom and you reached yours when it was time for you. My prayers for you and your children. You will heal from this, it takes time, lots of prayer and getting to know yourself again.

You are doing the right thing for you and your children.

I, too had an end to my first marriage.

Peace, prayers, love to you & yours,
:grouphug::hug3:


#15

Hi! Today was a much better day! Thanks everyone for your kindness to me, and for putting up with me here for TWO years! You guys are truly what the word “Christian” means.

I am now, in the last stage of grief, which is forgiveness and acceptance. I’ve been through every single stage. I am just getting to forgive completely today, when I am starting to feel sorry for him. He is so lost and unhappy, he tells me in an e-mail today, of course along with blaming ME for everything, typical of an addict, if anyone knows anything about addictions. The addict blames others, and until they admit they are powerless over their addiction and accept responsibility for hurting others because of it, they will never change.

I do forgive my h, and now I accept that my marriage is OVER. There will be no more chances for him. Many have told me during this ordeal to “follow my heart” and I always did. I don’t how NOT to. Previously I was, and I still felt love for my h and wanting to try. But he never did I guess, he wanted a double life, and to deceive me still. Now my heart tells me that too much damage and hurt has occurred and I am just too crushed to be with him as husband and wife ever again. I never could pray for him before, I was too angry, now I can. I did today in the car. I want to see him in heaven. I want him to be happy, prosperous and know the Lord. I want the best for him. But I can never be with him again. Thank you for reminding me the Lord does want us to forgive one who has hurt us. I’m just getting there now. With God’s help.

Thank you for your prayers and rosaries for me and my kids. I can be strong, with God’s help. Oh how the Eucharist helps me and rosaries. It’s all I have to hang on to now, and my kids and family, and you all. You all mean so much to me.

God Bless

~Corinne~

P.S. for anyone who doesn’t know, I told my husband HE has to move out, and he did 2 weeks ago. He is back living with his parents, unemployed still and very depressed. I am a little scared he’ll one day just bring all his stuff and try to move back in. Then I’ll have to file a RO. He was very emotionally and verbally abusive. I feel so much more peace with him gone…Please pray he will not try to move back. Thanks.


#16

I'm very sorry for your suffering and I never like to see a marriage end, but you have every reason to get away from this pervert. He is in the grips of a ferocious addiction that will pollute everybody he is close to.

I have a customer (PC repairman) who is in her late 20's, has a daughter and a husband who is into porn of the most horrifically vile though legal varieties imaginable. She already knew, but I found it again on their computer when I was backing up their data.

I had to tell her anyway because that was where all the problems with the machine were coming from. She started pouring her heart out to me and I could see the hurt in her eyes (as I've gotten a bit older and grown in the Lord I've gotten much more sensitive than I used to be) and I told tell her it wasn't her fault and as much as I'd like to I wasn't the person to help her.

Your situation reminds me of hers. Pray for him... as a man, not as your husband. I cannot stay angry with somebody I'm praying for.


#17

Thank you Tiribulus!

That's nice you could offer some sympathy to your customer when porn was found on her computer. It is a horrible dilemma today in our culture, which has men in its grip. She must be so hurt.

Good point what you said about praying for my husband, as a man, not as my husband anymore. That's exactly what I am doing.

God Bless You~


#18

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