Friends of alternative lifestyles?


#1

we have some friends from before we became catholic…

some that we’ve been friends with for 10-15 years, that are homosexual. our kids are becoming of the age where they are beginning to take notice that they are living in same-sex households and i’ve heard them kind of puzzling over it to eachother. our friends have also brought up times when they’ve noticed my kids debating what their relationship may be that they are not related, and seem to be married, but aren’t male/female. i need to figure out what to do about this. our friends are becoming frustrated because of our reluctance to tell the kids the situation, but we don’t have any idea of how to approach this. we don’t want to turn our backs on our dear friends… “hate the sin, love the sinner” we can be friends with these people without the issue at hand ever coming up “Preach the gospel at all times; when necessary, use words" but now that our kids are seeing this lifestyle and are wondering about it, i’m not sure what to do. i don’t feel right about abandoning our friends that we’ve had for so long, and that are very dear to us, over something that we’ve always known about them. we aren’t supportive of their lifestyle, but we don’t preach to them, either. they know where we stand, and we know where they stand. in all fairness, we were the ones that changed our point of view on life, not them.

our kids are attached to them, we’re attached to them, and they, us. i don’t know what to do, or how to approach the issue with the kids. i don’t want them to think it’s okay, and i’m not sure how to make everyone comfortable, or if i should even try. i’m afraid that we may lose some friends over this whole thing. i’m not sure what would be worse for the kids to see… the dynamics of homosexual households, or being uncharitable towards people because of their misdirection.

any suggestions??

thanks


#2

Tell your children the truth. Your friends live together in a romantic relationship. Your friends have different values than your own and do not follow the same faith. In their eyes they are doing nothing wrong and they do not feel it is immoral. Explain to your children what your viewpoint is and why you think your friends are not living moral lives.


#3

that's what i was thinking, but i know that my kids will say, "mom says your not living a moral life." just bracing for the whole thing to erupt. :-/


#4

Your kids have to come first and you must prioritise their feelings and their morals. They need a positive example, good role models. Of course, they will meet all sorts of people in their lives but they have to grow up knowing right from wrong.
Is it possible to explain the situation to them and ask them not to discuss it with the people in question? I think children should know their boundaries, that it is not polite to ask adults personal questions.
Also, it could happen that your friends get upset. But they are adults and have made their choices in life. If they are really good friends they will respect your beliefs and the fact that you are raising your children in a certain way. It is a question of mutual respect.


#5

I agree with this with a few changes.

Tell your children the Truth. Your friends live together in a romantic relationship. Your friends have different values than your own and do not follow the same faith. In their eyes they are doing nothing wrong and they do not think it is immoral. Explain to your children what is right and why your friends are not living moral lives.

Examine your relationship with these people. Are you letting their sin fly under your radar, or are you trying to show them true happiness in the Church? You don’t need to strangle them with bible verses and encyclicals, but stay firm in what the Church teaches and let your actions speak for the Church. Like you said, “preach the gospel, and if necessary, use words.”


#6

i missed your kids ages. i don't have gay friends but i often wonder how i will talk to my kids about this topic. the truth and keep it simple is my advice.
i would tell then how important it is to be tolerant and excepting of all people. Jesus loves us with out exception and we need to resemble God's love for us in others. Also, they have different belief systems but ultimately we will all have our judgment day, so it's not our place to judge them. Finally, out loud, with your children pray for the people who offend God in various ways, pray for the conversion of sinner and ask for the forgiveness of those who do not repent.
i think with that you will be showing compassion and that you love your friends


#7

[quote="Lowyoyo, post:3, topic:253518"]
that's what i was thinking, but i know that my kids will say, "mom says your not living a moral life." just bracing for the whole thing to erupt. :-/

[/quote]

Hmm, how old are your kids. Do they realize that for them to say that is really inappropriate?


#8

[quote="Lowyoyo, post:1, topic:253518"]
....our friends are becoming frustrated because of our reluctance to tell the kids....

[/quote]

Hello,

This part of your post stood out in a huge way for me. This is not so much an issue of homosexuality as much as it is an issue of parenting. No one has the right to get "frustrated" with you because you are taking your time discussing delicate matters of sexuality with your child! This is your right as a parent and YOU need to discern when and how to discuss this with your children. No one has the right to strong-arm, guilt or otherwise push you into discussing sexual matters with your children I don't care if they are good friends or how long you have known them.

This is putting you in a corner actually, you probably have been trying to dodge the issue to keep the peace. So you see Lowyoyo your decision of continuing this friendship may already have been made for you. I would guess that your friends want you to tell your children that their lifestyle is okay. Your friends would probably be upset if they ever heard that you told your children homosexuality was sinful.

Bottom line if you beleive homosexuality is sinful and that is what you tell your children, it will likely damage your relationship with your friends. Lastly I would not "brace for the whole thing to erupt" you are not morally obligated to discuss this with them. There is no commandment in the church that obligates you to disclose all of your parenting decisions with your friends. It is perfectly okay to call them occassionally, write birthday cards or meet for coffee but give yourself space and distance them from your children if you feel there is going to be a major conflict.


#9

Why not just say they are roommates or they live together? Teach your children that it is not their business what goes on between two adults, no matter their sex. Their "debating among themselves" is not good behavior.....that's how rumor starts.

My dad has a cousin that is in her 70s and has had a roommate for the past 40 some years. Honestly, my family has absolutely no idea if they are a couple or just friends and it is understood that their sleeping arrangements are none of our business. (My cousin is very well versed in the teachings of the Church so she doesn't need us stepping in and educating her.)

I would just tell your children that your friends live together and that's all they need to know. When they are older and know what "gay" means you might decide to change what you tell them.


#10

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