Friends of the opposite sex, flirting, etc


#1

I was wondering what rules or guidelines do married couples here have concerning friends of the opposite sex, flirting (with others), etc?

My fiancee and I have had several extensive conversations about this subject and have come to a very conservative solution that we are both very happy with. I thought it might be beneficial for everyone if we share what has and hasn’t worked concerning these things.

Thanks!


#2

The more conservative your solution, the better for your marriage! :smiley:

We don’t have guidelines, because we really don’t need them. But we’ve been married more than 10 years. If I saw my husband becoming friends with a woman, we’d certainly talk about it, and we’re at a point in our marriage by now, where he’d respect my feelings on it.

Where we were when we got married and where we are now are light years apart. The more we grow in faith together, the more we absolutely live the vows we made on our wedding day, the more we understand that anything–real or perceived–that comes between us is a violation not to be tolerated.


#3

Ok, I guess I have a question. I am not married. I am in a relationship with the woman who I am pretty sure God wants to be my wife. Anyway, I also have other female friends. Is that wrong, or merely a difficultly to be overcome?


#4

[quote=NWUArmyROTC]Ok, I guess I have a question. I am not married. I am in a relationship with the woman who I am pretty sure God wants to be my wife. Anyway, I also have other female friends. Is that wrong, or merely a difficultly to be overcome?
[/quote]

You’re not married yet, so it’s fine to have friends of all sorts.

And you certainly don’t have to ditch all female friends upon the declaration of marriage vows.

HOWEVER.

After you are married, you have one and only one woman who is the complete center of your life. You cannot put time with other friends above her–you can’t ignore her to talk to other female friends on the phone or at a get-together. When you vow to honor her above all else, well, that may mean that your other friends (female or not) fall by the wayside.

It is a challenge.

If you think this girl is the one for you–visit www.e5men.org and read about it. Fast for her–at least once a month. See if that makes you lover her even more…or if you find that you resent making even that small sacrifice for her, then you’ll know either she is not the one, or you are not ready for her yet!


#5

Kind of two different issues - flirting and friends of the opposite sex.

I’ll focus on the first one, because I find Capital sins (I referred to them as Deadly Sins) of particular interest.

If you ever notice, a baby can flirt with you, he or she will bat his/her eyelashes, smile, giggle look away bashfully - it just isn’t anything sexual in nature. But it’s kind of a flirt for you to get to engage them socially. It’s just part of being human.

That being said, I do beleive Envy, while a Capital sin, is there for a reason. I think part of being in love is to “patrol your mate” to a certain extent. It makes them think he/she is valuable to the other and feel loved. It shouldn’t consume you, which is why I suppose it is a capital sin.

So, in short, if flirting is bothering your spouse, you should respect that basic emotion of envy and back off. It’s a form of respect to the marriage.

But, if a husband walks into a room at a golf club he belongs too where 3 women are sitting at a table, let’s say, and says, “Wow! Look at all these hot women in here!” (or something else boorish as men can often be )as a genuine kind of compliment to the female gender, I don’t see anything wrong in that.

It’s sticky, I’ll admit. I think you cross the line when you flirt in order to get control over another person - to get them interested in your physically/romantically.

Friends of the opposite sex is easy. Friends = okay. More than friends = not okay.


#6

Each couple will find what works for them.
If it causes one spouse heartache for the other to have friends of the opposite sex then the spouse should respect that.

My husband and I have a variety of friends, some of the same gender others of the opposite gender. Including various priest seminarians and religious women, married couples, his friends that became my friends and the like. These friends do not threaten our marriage as they are friends, not love interests or temptations. If they became such the friendship would be discontinued.

But this is what works for us. We both have a very high level of trust and commitment. We also are practical and wouldn’t place ourselves in a situation where our chastity would be tempted, such as being alone with a member of the opposite sex in a private place. Neither of us would create a situation where we would be turning to a friend for the love and emotional support we should be getting from each other.

I think it would be very disrespectful of both my marriage and my friends to in any way flirt with them… that should always avoided. But for us friendships are fine.


#7

mama alway said… stay above the neck and your ok… :thumbsup:


#8

http://i740.photobucket.com/albums/xx50/TheBanisher/1282054664688.gif?t=1282059089


closed #9

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