Friends that "dump" you during hard times


#1

I know the old saying about how you find out who your real friends are during hard times, but how do you get over it when people you thought were friends end up cutting you out of their life during hard times? I have lost at least 3 good friends, correction, thought they were anyway during this struggle I have been going through. It hurts very much :frowning:


#2

That does happen…

I recommend trying to make some time to spend in adoration. While you are there, try praying the sorrowful mysteries of the rosary, and remember that Jesus was abandoned by those to whom he was closest. So, you are in good company there. :slight_smile: Then remember, that in the end, even if they messed up, true friends really will be there for you. So, make sure you leave the opportunity open for that with all of the people that you think might really be your friends.

Praying for you…


#3

I know what it’s like. My childhood friends were like that, and in high school my friends really weren’t friends.


#4

I’m sorry that happened to you. There are real friends out there. Hold out for them.


#5

Hey BB,

We are just down the beach from you.:slight_smile: Sorry about your former friends. Hopefully you can find new sincere friends who are also dedicated parents.


#6

Thanks everyone! I was talking to a friend who went through a divorce years ago, and she said the same thing happened to her. She said her theory is that some people just don’t know what to say about things like that, so they just stay away from it.


#7

:hug3: Hugs to you, dear butterfly.

Yep, it’s like that country song, you do indeed find out who your friends are. I had one friend who literally helped my kids and me escape a very bad situation. People I thought would help me, including family, did not.

As dulcissma said, don’t go cutting them off entirely without good cause. They may very well just be perplexed.


#8

I had a crisis, and found that people I counted on let me down. The good part is that I found true friends in places I never expected. Have you noticed this in your case?

I didn’t deliberately cut contact with the old friends, but I eventually stopped reaching out to them. I can’t even say that I miss them.


#9

I think that sometimes we interpret a desire to share a good time as true relationship.I understand your disappointment to find that the relationship you have with these people is not at the level you thought it was. But please do not let that obscure the relationship you do have (or did have) with them.


#10

That’s exactly what I think, too. I have a friend who lost almost all of her friends during a fight with breast cancer. People don’t know what to say, they stay away too long, then they feel bad that they weren’t there at the right time and some never come around again.

My mother lost some friends when she had a brain tumor removed a few years ago. People were afraid of losing her, we think, so they separated to protect their hearts.

I was lucky not to lose anyone during my divorce but a couple of friendships have been strained since…with the people who seem to be awkward around grief and don’t know what to say.

My advice for the OP…pray for them. And ask God to send you new friends that enrich your life.


#11

I have a lot of false friends, I only ever hear from them when they want something done.

When the phone rings or they call to my door I know it isn’t to see how I’m keeping, “the want me to fix this or that”.

I feel like Morgan Friedman in the Shaw-shank Redemption movie, “the man that knows how to get things”.

It’s not only my so-called friends but my relations too, my cousin entrusted me with a key to a place we all hang out.

Last week I gave it back to him because I only ever felt used, and I found whispering in company the height of bad manners, so that was the crunch.

My sister only ever contacts me when she has a problem, it was 2 years one time, then her name comes up on my phone and she wants something, big surprise, my younger brother is no different.

Do I feel used ? you bet, but at the end of the day I don’t need their help, it would be nice though if they called on the phone just to say hello, but that’s life and I’ve got used to it.

I hope my homily will consist of " he helped those in need, and didn’t waste his talent. "

False friends hurt, but I’m slowly weeding them out.


#12

I noticed this when I went through my divorce. My best friend and matron of honor took my x-h’s side. They were coworkers, so that didn’t help matters. We had a big falling-out, and it hurt me badly. But other people stepped up, people who I never knew really cared that much. So don’t be so blinded with sadness over the friends who “dumped” you that you miss out on the people who might surprise you with their friendship. I’m sorry you are going through such a rough time. May Jesus our Brother and Mary our Mother bless you and comfort you.


#13

That must be so disheartening… I think some people just don’t know what to say and do, so they stay away. My parents have always told me that in life, you don’t necessarily have all that many true friends who stay with you through thick and thin… so many people are just temporary companions more than anything, the few true friends are rare and precious!

From personal experience, I know what this is like from both sides of the coin; one friend i nearly lost because she went through a lot of severe depression and mental issues. She has since been diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder. I just felt confused by her behaviour and hostility at the time and we really drifted apart. I feel bad about that now.


#14

Some are truly “gold that’s tested in fire.” They are priceless. They help you carry your crosses. Keep them.

There is also the curious friend type, the “foul weather friend” who is only your friend till things go good for you. Then they dump you. Your good fortune or happiness angers them and they become jealous and avoid you. They’re the flip side to the fair weather friends.

We can learn a lot about fair weather friends. We can learn to be like Christ and appreciate His suffering when the people who were all around him during Palm Sunday couldn’t be found a few days later. And then only his Mother, St. John and a few women were standing at the foot of the Cross. Who are we to think we’ll have more than Christ? But we can vow never to have that kind of relationship with Him ourselves… being part of the crowd that abandoned Him.

If you have three friends who would take a phone call from you at 3:00 a.m. in an emergency and come help you, you are lucky. That’s about average. The rest are acquaintances. Enjoy them too. They have a purpose in life.


#15

I know what you mean. I lost a few friends when I began having debilitating health problems about 13 years ago. Only one true one hung on, and seems concerned at all about how I am physically doing. Pray for them!


#16

thanks everyone, all your posts have great advice in them :slight_smile: I’m trying to not let it get to me, but sometimes it’s just depressing


#17

I was interrupted here at home when I made my previous reply. Just want to add that it helps to keep busy with other projects, family, etc. I feel terribly let down by a couple people who have dropped me from their lives. Miss them like crazy! And I honestly don’t know why they dropped me–did all I could to be a good friend. It is them, not me–I do know that. When I feel down about it, I pray the sorrowful mysteries of the Rosary. Jesus can ‘relate’ to our feelings of isolation. I once heard ‘all loves are fulfilled in Heaven.’ I cling to that, because sometimes the emotional pain I feel, the loss, etc. is just too much to bear. So keep praying- the Lord hears you and knows exactly where you are, and will lead you to healing. God bless.


#18

Yes good advice.

If you have three friends who would take a phone call from you at 3:00 a.m. in an emergency and come help you, you are lucky. That’s about average. The rest are acquaintances. Enjoy them too. They have a purpose in life.

Three years ago I was on my last day of the Divine Mercy Novena.

I planned to go to Church that evening, but I got a phone call from my so-called friend that he and his family had broken down at Knock Shrine 50 miles away.

So I went and picked them up, missed the last day of the Novena and over the past year I’ve only heard from him about twice.

Who needs friends like this :shrug: certainly not me, but I know we have to show deeds of mercy, hope mine sufficed, especially on the day that was in it.


#19

Sounds like they needed a friend like you.


#20

i know from experience in our family, we thought our friends dumped us, some did , but other s didn’t approach us as they didn’t know what to say.the true test for you is to be there for them when they have trouble . god bless.


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