Friends...what to do?


     I have a friend who I am trying to decide if I should stay friends with. this girl and I have been friends for awhile. And we always seem to but heads. She likes to party and  drink and I don't so we end up fussing about that. We end up fighting about a lot of things that don't even matter. I want to be friends with her and be a good Catholic influence but its so hard because she always gets me upset. Whats the right thing to do? Should I stay friends with her and hope and pray that it gets better? Or should I stop being friends with her and just pray that she changes? I just don't know what to do about this.

Does she have lots of others friends? Do you? ( not that it should really matter )

Besides the arguing, do you guys have other issues? There must be things about her that you do like?

I had a friend who sounds similar. She was all about drama, and drinking, and drunk driving even. She did so many things that I thought were irresponsible and silly that I just had to stop spending time with her. I let her figure out things on her own.

This all really depends on you and what you feel up to taking on. There is really no point in being friends with someone that you get no enjoyment out of from being their friend.

And when and if you decide to hang out with her, do it outside of a drinking setting - like go for a walk/mall type thing earlier in the day when she isn’t likely to drink.

This happens to many people at some point in life – interests change, people start families and are at different stages of life than their friends, etc.

Though it may be difficult, I would just keep living my life as I know I should, spending time doing the things that I enjoy. If you don’t like going out to bars, don’t go. If your friend does, you can’t stop her. Having different interests is fine, but perhaps you can suggest that you two set aside a certain time each week (or month, whatever) when you do something you both like (go to a particular restaurant, go bowling, whatever).

I don’t think you need to make a strict decision on whether to cut her off as a friend or not. Keep being her friend, but don’t compromise your values for her. Pray for her, live your Catholic faith. The relationship will naturally stay strong or it will start to fade as you both spend more and more time with others who share your respective beliefs and interests.

I know it’s a tough situation to be in, and I hope you can remain true to your values and keep your friend. If you can’t though, you know which one is more important. :wink:

Witnessing to someone like that and setting a good example may be tough.

It may also be what God is calling you to do. Good luck.

thanks for the advice everyone

Sometimes, we set our goal as “I need to change someone”, but then we forget that the person’s bad attitudes (or anything else) might shed a little light on how we need to be changed before we can even get someone influenced…

In your case, what do you do when your friend upsets you?

In this life, we will have both primary and secondary relationships. Primary relationships are obvious, spouses, parents, siblings, children. Secondary relationships (in a nutshell) serve us for a particular time with a particular purpose and then they are gone.

This sounds like a secondary relationship. Based upon the information that you have given, no one here can tell you what to do about this. If you call this person a “friend” then she must have qualities that you like about her. You must have sometimes that you get along and have fun together. Correct? Now if the main source of this relationship/friendship is the fights, the “butting heads”, the arguements, then why waste the time? You only cause yourself undo anguish and you do not want that.

Take some time. Step away from her. Pray. Reflect. See how you feel about it in a week.

Thanks for all the advice. The only reason I stay friends with her is I feel like its “the right thing to do” I have had one of my friends and my parents say theat I need to stop being friends with this girl.

You may wish to trust your parents on this one. If you hang around the wrong crowd, bad things will happen to you even if you are innocent. Plus, you may unexpectedly be tempted.

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