Friends who talk impurely

What can I do about having friends who speak impurely?

l really don’t want to give up our friendship, however I’m scared I might be sinning if I continue to spend time with them. The last time I was with them I found myself tempted to having impure thoughts.

Any advice would be helpful.

Olive, as in your other threads, I urge you to talk to your pastor about scrupulosity. You cannot constantly live in fear of sinning in everything you do or that someone else does in your presence.

Hello! I think this is a valid question.

I don’t know whether it is a sin to spend time with people. Remember people are people and if we locked ourselves up out of sight how can we bring the love of God to people - that is the first thing.

However, you do have a valid point about swearing and crude jokes. The answer depends on the level of cursing etc…if they do this all the time and you have said something or showed dislike for their obscene language and vulgarity and they do not attempt to change it when you are around then I think maybe limiting time with them is not a bad idea although without judging them as people.

I think the fact that you care about your faith and wish to heed a possible warning is righteous and if you think their behaviour might affect you then it is not a bad idea to spend a little less time with them. I would say that meeting new people who think the same way as you is a good idea because good people are important to have in your life. If we spend time in sinful places 24/7 then at some point this is going to affect us if we are not very careful, or maybe at least, weaken our resolve.

You could try not laughing when they make a crude joke, and if they ask why you didn’t, say something mild to suggest you don’t find it that funny. You don’t need to be rude but then they are rude if they are not being a bit more sensitive to other’s feelings. Sometimes silence can be a good protest. But I think your conscience is key to this scenario and a solution to the problem therein.

I would also reiterate the last poster’s suggestion of meeting with a priest. I don’t think there is anything wrong with your thinking here at all though.

Thanks for sharing!

God bless.

:slight_smile:

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

I agree it is a legitimate question. Granted, scrupulosity is a real problem that hinders our judgment, and we cannot live in fear. Still…

Sometimes certain persons are near occasions of sin, at least for certain other persons; and if so, the latter may need to avoid the former. Obviously this is not always possible, and there are degrees of danger; but if we have the choice, we should not place ourselves in situations where we are likely to fall.

Even if there were no occasion of sin per se, I would not spend time in the company of people who use impure language, except when necessary, for the same reason I would not spend my time wading through refuse, but only deal with it when necessary.

If you care enough about the friendships you could mention to them that it is offensive to you, and that it makes you not want to be around them. They might be willing to change their language around you. If not, I would consider making new friends.

That is why Olive needs to talk to his/her confessor and look into finding a spiritual director.

I would plainly tell tell them that you don’t like that kind of talk. Maybe you should simply ask them not to speak that way in front of you.

If they don’t comply, are they really such great friends?

God Bless.

You actually know what you are supposed to do but you are resisting it; you** “don’t want to give up our friendship”** you wrote but it may come to that if your mean business.
Talk to them openly. Dirty talk/impure talk; this can easily lead to sin and should be avoided. It is not scrupulosity at all. We are urged to avoid all occasions and near occasions of sin. If they do not listen to you, you have no other option but to avoid them.

:yup: Being humble does not equate to being weak.

According to the author of Numbers, Moses was the meekest man on Earth while he was alive. How did this meek man operate?

By shouting at his brethren when they fell into sin, by ordering the Israelite commanders to slay themselves (golden calf) and the Midianite woman and male children (Numbers 25 and 31), and by bravely requesting God to kill him.

:knight1: Moses may have been meek, but he was not weak. :knight1:

Olive456, If you consider your friends to be foolish, then tell them. If you wish to educate then, then educate them. Even if they don’t heed your words, they’ll eventually thank you after they reap the fruits of impure chatter.

If they remain stubborn and unwilling to convert their hearts, even *after *they tasted the fruits of impurity, then respect the god-given gift of free-will; let them perish for their own sin.

I will bring that issue up with a priest, thank you. I do think it’s a valid question though despite my scrupulosity.

Thank you for your detailed response :slight_smile: I don’t spend time with those friends every week. I’m not sure though if I would need to avoid those people totally though :frowning: wouldn’t it be a sin if I didn’t, especially considering their comments trigger impure thoughts? I don’t know if I’m being scrupulous again…

Given your scrupulous tendencies please talk about this with your pastor. It is not prudent to take random advice to dump your friends or to confront them from people who do not know you or your spiritual condition.

No matter what your pastor/priest says, meditate on Psalm 1.

1 Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers. (NIV)

It’s OK to tell your friends to keep it clean around you.

such talk is degrading, dehumanizing, and disrespectful. It’s* very* wrong.

What you describe is one of the reasons I don’t hang out with pretty much any of the friends I use to hang out with before I converted. Sometimes the way they talked seriously bothered me. Do your friends know that you are a practicing Catholic? I assume that they are secular. How about telling them “You know how you don’t want me preaching at you about my faith all the time? That would probably bother you right? Well, in that same manner, I don’t want to hear that obscenity” If they do not understand that and do not respect you enough to at least take it down a notch, perhaps they are not as good of friends as you think that they are. At the same time, you have to give people a little slack. We cant expect others to always accommodate us. I work in the construction industry. I hear filth all the time at the jobsites. It is a good thing to learn to let things go in one ear and out the other. Practice this. I have gotten better at it. After awhile your mind starts to just have selective memory and when you hear something you do not like, you quickly forget about it. If your friends wont take it down a notch, it is your responsibility to take yourself out of the situation if it bothers you that much. If you battle scrupulosity, talk to a priest about this.

Yup! Exactly. :thumbsup:

It they speak in ways that trigger impure thoughts then they may not be good for you but do speak to a priest. Another poster mentioned that he changed friends after conversion! You need to assess this properly and that takes some direction. It is certainly not sinful to change your environment. It might help you. And replacing these people with friends who respect your wishes might then mean you don’t live in two worlds opposing each other as this happens with faith anyway and we aren’t called to make problems for ourselves! All this talk about “don’t be weak”, is not helpful for you. Our strength is in recognising our weaknesses and doing something about them. In ways I consider myself strong are ways I am the weakest. But don’t worry about that now, concentrate on finding a priest or nun you can meet on a regular basis, to guide you through this. I would not advise just getting rid of people but if they don’t respect your wishes then maybe you are better off with new people in your life that care more about what you feel…we can’t solve this 100% on a forum, you need to take some practical steps, so…

…don’t be too hard on yourself and go find that spiritual director! :thumbsup:

   If you're their friend, then pray when they begin talking that way. Pray one of the prayers for the coming of the Holy Spirit and pray for the courage to tell them that you don't want them to talk this way to you, that it hurts them as well as you. If they are true friends, they'll respect you and avoid such talk. If they mock you or think you a prude, then their friendship is worthless. No friend would throw physical filth on you- you shouldn't allow them to ssplash spiritual filth at you.
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