We were never physically intimate. We were first close friends and then he confessed that he was falling in love with me. At the beginning I told him that this wasn't dating but courtship-meaning that we were discerning possibly getting married and not just doing recreational dating. He agreed that this was the best approach because he saw marriage as the goal. Perhaps I should expand upon why I broke up with him.
We discussed how much we should spend time together and contact one another, but he contacted me significantly more than what we agreed upon. Multiple times during our courtship I told him that I felt smothered and we defined the appropriate contact again and he said that he would honor that. Unfortunately, he couldn't manage to honor his word. This kept repeating itself and it didn't get better.
Also, I felt that the relationship was going too emotionally intense and too fast. He was very affectionate-too affectionate I thought. We talked about little else and this would be a repetitive part of the conversations. He kept talking as if we were almost engaged and that it was certain that we would in fact get married one day. ("When we get married..." instead of "If we get married...") Multiple times I called him out saying that we needed to be realistic and that courtship is about DISCERNING marriage, not merely waiting until the time of the proposal is feasible. We didn't know what God had in mind for us in the future. This got him a little worried, thinking that I was uncertain about our relationship, but I told him that that wasn't it at all. We hadn't even known each other for an entire month for crying out loud!
Despite me calling him out on the over affectionate talk and that he was counting his chickens before they hatched, he didn't change his behavior. I also felt like I was walking on egg shells at times with him because of how much of a worrier he is about the two of us. I also felt pressured to be more affectionate than I felt comfortable with and to accept his incessant contacting. He was also over the moon in love with me-far more than I felt for him and I felt pressured by him to respond in the same way.
"Baby, I'm so incredibly in love with you!...Are you so incredibly in love with me?"
"I love you dear."
"But are you so incredibly in love with me?"
I talked to him about these concerns and he said he would honor my wishes, but again he didn't. After all of that mushy talk I honestly wasn't even feeling attracted to him anymore. Besides, throughout our relationship and before we even began courting I didn't feel physically attracted to him. It isn't that I was repulsed by him but it was never there. I've been told that you can't always expect that to happen right away so I decided to just wait and have it develop, but it didn't develop.
I know that physical attraction is definitely not the be all end all of deciding to marry someone, but that physical attraction is just one factor involved. For me though, it just never happened. Do you know what it's like when you feel that way and your significant other keeps telling you how phenomenally beautiful you are? :(
As I was breaking up with him and afterwards, he told me that he really thought that I was the one for him and that I was the only girl who was willing to be with him. He's never had that before. I told him that just because I was the first didn't mean that I was the only one who could ever want to be with him, but he doesn't seem to believe that. He still appears to be affected by what another former female friend of his told him in the past.
You see he had to take time off from college because of mononucleosis which he had for six months and even after that some affects from the sickness were still there. He has gotten better though. So he isn't in school right now but will go back in the fall. He has tried to get a job in the mean time even if it's just flipping burgers but he hasn't had success with that. This friend of his told him that he was worthless because he didn't have a degree or a job, was fat, and that no girl would ever want to be with him. (After she told him this, he ended that friendship.) Then some time later he met me and he thought that I was the answer to his insecurities, so he doesn't want to let me go. I've told him though that I do not want to get back together with him. He asked me what chance there was of us getting back together and I told him that there wasn't.