Friendship and Sexuality

Hi. I have a question about a certain relationship-turned-friendship that has occurred in my life over the past couple of years or so.
Please know that I have already been to confession over the past sexual part of things and received absolution from the priest. However, my question is this: Is it okay to continue to be friends with someone I used to have a sexual relationship with? Another important point is that when it started, it was not totally by way of mutual consent. This person was financially down and out, so I invited him to sleep in my living room when he didn’t have any other place but a shelter to go to.I thought it was just a friendly and charitable thing to do. However, he came into my bedroom one night, snapped on the light, and even though he didn’t rape me, at least not to the point of leaving “evidence” by way of marks on my body, he made me participate in some acts I never would have freely chosen. I was shocked and frightened - and afraid that trying to get away would only make things worse. I was also afraid that the police would not take things seriously enough to show up or that by the time they came, I’d have nothing to show for what had happened and therefore it would just seem as though I’d only “cried wolf”. But the strangest thing ever is that the next morning, I told this person I couldn’t believe what had happened and that it had scared me to death. He was very sorry and affectionate toward me. I was still afraid, however, of trying to put him out of my apartment. Then we got into a relationship. Strangely enough he was wonderful at some times, yet verbally and emotionally abusive on a few other occassions. I did eventually ask him to leave, even though he’d been wanting to marry me. He was and is not Catholic and wouldn’t go through the Church for marriage preparations. He was divorced many years ago. We now live separately but remain friends. He has settled down and mellowed out a lot over the past couple of years. He’d do anything for me as a friend and hasn’t been pressuring me about sex or anything. But please tell me - what is the right thing to do? Should I keep the friendship or am I going to have to also find a way to get out of that, too?

Only you can make this decision in the end. No poll will help you because only you know the whole situation. A brief internet post is not sufficient to give good advice on this topic. I would suggest consulting your priest or some close friends or family about the issue to help reflect your thoughts on all the issues.

Okay, thank you. As soon as I can, I will do exactly as you have suggested. Because of issues I have with my own family, I won’t bring it to their attention, but I will take exactly what I wrote here to a priest and go from there.

I will keep your needs in prayer.

I think if you reread your post it may put things in perspective for you, it seems to me like it is not a very good relationship to bother with. Sounds to me like you have a big heart and don’t want to hurt his feelings, don’t let your heart get in the way of what is best for you.

Thanks very much, Br. Mosher and Sherimarie. I guess I just needed to see some things said outside of myself, despite how well I know my own situation, so that’s why I came here, even though speaking face to face with a priest in my area may be the most beneficial. I feel I’ve been pretty well understood in this thread, though. Thank you for any prayers you can say for me - I certainly do need them, more specifically for emotional, spiritual and financial well-being. No, of course I don’t want to hurt this guy. When we first split, it seemed as though I did exactly that, and it was crushing. However, I also appreciate the quote at the bottom of Br. Mosher’s posts: “Tolerance is the last virtue of a man with no convictions.” - G.K. Chesterton I’ll keep that in mind as I proceed into the future. Thanks again.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit