Friendship: etc


#1

i have several questions and issues about friendship today.

i am a most giving person, always have been this way;. i share myself fully, totally with others. Often time, i share myself, and my friends are completely the opposite; for example, if i send them some pictures via the mail, they do not even comment, saying “what a nice picture”, If this was me, and a friend send a nice picture, i always would acknowledge this, and say at least a “thank you” and how nice to see. i find so many have no manners today, to even acknowledge anything; an invitation, a mail sent with enclosures, or pictures, or for this matter, anything. i find myself thinking how lack of etiquette many have today. i wonder do many others sense this total and complete lack of etiquette or are they merely the same as everybody? The way i was reared was wonderful i might say, having real etiquette and culture. Perhaps there are others not quite the same. Just now, this previous weekend, i send some pictures, no comment, only re themselves. i find this quite selfish indeed. i, for one, always want God to enable me to be attentive to others, as so many are not, it’s always about them. The Gospel and all readings today and yesterday were quite great.


#2

Yes, it is difficult not to be hurt by what seems to be the lack of consideration of others. My spiritual director is always telling me that if I do anything ‘good’ with the idea that I will be treated in kind then I am bound to be disappointed.

darn it.


#3

when anyone sends me an attachment by e-mail, unless it is something I have requested I usually delete the whole message unread, because that is how most viruses have entered my system. I just don’t have time to wade through forwarded jokes and cute stuff. If it was pix of your new baby, or of my grandkids, fine, but I would hope the title of the message would give me a clue what to expect.


#4

I understand what you are saying, but let’s also not forgot why we do the nice things; because we want to for whatever reason we have, NOT because we want some kind of reciprocation. I would rather not have someone get something for me if the ONLY reason why they got it is because they want me to be extremely grateful to them. I would be, but at the same time the expectation of this would damage the thought.

Although it is always nice to say thank you, what if you sent that person a picture every day for two weeks straight; that person might not be so inclined to say thank you every single time, especially if it is not someone very close to you.

All I have to say is, it is neccessary to be polite, but try and also think about the other person, are they extremely busy? Is there a lot going on in their lives? Are there circumstances where they might not feel comfortable receiving things from you? Try when you “expect” something, put yourself in their shoes for a second to see if maybe your expectations are realistic.

Just a thought! God Bless! :slight_smile:


#5

If you are giving youself totally and completely as a friend…and getting nothing ever in return, it is likely that these individuals are sadly not your true friends.

On the other hand it might be wise to examine your expectations. For example, I always thought it was funny on Christmas-Card-list stationery, that there was a column to check off “sent” and “received” so that you could keep track of who you got cards from…I assume that this was to determine whether or not someone you sent a card to also sent one to you, then you could ascertain whether or not you would send them a card next time.

How funny (in my opinion) to determine whether or not to send someone a greeting to celebrate the birth of Christ based on a tally sheet! Funny really!

Its hard to say whether or not your expectations may be high, or perhaps the people you know are just rude. Either way just keep being yourself and try not to worry about it, if you are disappointed or frustrated just offer it up in prayer. Hang in there.


#6

You could ask the person next time you see them in person (not via mail), “Did you enjoy the pictures?” You might find out that they loved them. I’m like that. I have a collection of pics that I’ve received. I don’t write in reply, though.

Also, are you sending things to them much more often than they do to you? Maybe you are under their, oh I don’t know what to call it, their response time. Some people :whistle:aren’t up to frequent correspondence. I only manage infrequent cards, calls, and letters.


#7

I don’t think you should expect people to think the way you do. I must admit, that is a problem that I have. I have way too much pride and I think other people should do things the way ‘I’ do.
AND I would be one of those ‘rude’ people that never thank people for emails sent, 'cause quite frankly, I find them so annoying!!
I’m not saying you send annoying emails, but my SIL sends me e-cards and all sorts of, ‘pass this on to ten friends,’ or, ‘read this… it is so true.’ and that kind of stuff. I hate it!
I never reply. I never send it on. I never thank her for it. I find them emmensely irritating!
Also, I’m just not that kind of person that really communicates that way. So in my SIL’s eyes, I’m probably exactly how you describe.
I have 5 children and am way too busy to be thanking her for every little thing she sends me.
Don’t take it to heart. Don’t let it offend or upset you. People are different and it doesn’t mean they don’t care, they just don’t show it in the same way you do.
Just accept that that’s the way those people are or stop doing the things you do for them and you won’t be disappointed anymore.
Half the joy in giving is doing it without the need to receive anything in return.


#8

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