we are living in a runaway world, where both men and women have to go to work, therefore, one meet new people…makes new friends…any opinion?
The Cathecism teaches us about friendship, truly a blessing from God!
**2347 **The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship. It shows the disciple how to follow and imitate him who has chosen us as his friends, who has given himself totally to us and allows us to participate in his divine estate. Chastity is a promise of immortality. Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one’s neighbor. Whether it develops between persons of the same or opposite sex, friendship represents a great good for all. It leads to spiritual communion.
I have personal experience with this. Platonic friendships with the opposite sex are possible and can be rewarding. But if one spouse is hiding anything about the friendship, lying about it, using it to vent about the other spouse instead of going directly to the spouse themselves, or if the other spouse is not sincerely invited INTO the friendship and helped to feel welcome and comfortable…trouble is brewing.
I’ve really enjoyed some of my friendships at work with my married male co-workers. I felt like they were off limits so I could enjoy normal friendships with them and didn’t have to worry about all that sexual innuedo stuff. So I was always just myself around them. Never nervous the way I am around single “available” men.
So one day I used to go out with a group of these guys and I realize that one of them was hiding a secret from me. The big secret was that his wife was four months pregnant!! He seemed mortified that the rest of the group told me this and that I had found out his wife was pregnant. It was then that I realized that he had somehow misinterpreted our friendship and thought that I had a crush on him!! And he was embarrassed because he thought I would be upset to learn he was having marital relationships with his wife!
The point is you may think something is normal, but you never know what your “friend” may be thinking.
As a divorced woman, I have several male friends who are just platonic “buddies.” There is always the risk that feelings may progress from friendship into more, so I always let them know early in our friendship that I do not get involved with married men, period. Just because I’m not legally married doesn’t mean that I’m “available,” esp. since I don’t yet have an annulment. In a nutshell, I make it a point to never do anything with these men that I wouldn’t do if their wives were sitting right there. I prefer to hang out with these guys in a group setting rather than one-on-one, just for safety’s sake. If I talk to them on the phone or via email, I talk/write as if their wives were listening in or checking their messages. I always try to meet their wives in person, so I’m not just some strange female in their husband’s life. I always encourage these guys to put their marriages first, and when I ask about their lives, I include their wives: not, “what are you doing this weekend,” but “what are you and Susie doing this weekend.”
I only wish I’d had the wisdom to act this way when I was young and married…I might still be with my husband if that were so. Like so many other couples, youth, selfishness, and stupidity drove us apart. One major thing I have learned is that a true friend will support you in your marriage, not try to break it up so they can have you for themselves! Friends come and friends go, but your spouse is your spouse and deserves to come first, whatever that takes.
Obviously i can’t agree more, but both parties need to have spiritual maturity, otherwise it’s not that easy…
that is one of the risks!
We all learn by our mistakes, but God will surely bless you for the respect you are showing to your male friends and their wives, that’s what i call a mature person…
How much we need this attitude and respect towards each other these days…especially with our co- workers of the Opposite sex!
Exactly, we constantly have to double check,…also prayer is one of the tools to help one discern…
May I ask why you were wondering? This is serious stuff, it can lead to divorces.
I’m not wondering at all, i know that this is a serious stuff and that’s why i’ve opened this discussion so that we can help those who are reading it…we can be a light to others i’ve had a big lesson from a person in my family circle,who nearly lost her marriage because of friendships in marriage]
I apologize, your smiley thumbs up seemed to be making light of this. I lost my marriage to my husband’s emotional affair.
Emotional affairs seem to be an increasing problem, as far as I’ve seen. Some of us from CA started a forum for spouses who are experience problems from them, at groups.msn.com/emotionalaffairs. There was an extensive discussion in this CA forum a few months ago but I can’t find it right now.
excellent post and advice!
I believe it is possible but you shouldn’t hide that friendship from your spouse or use that friend to bash about your spouse or anything like that. That said, many of my mom’s friends were guys when she was young, that’s how she met my dad, lol and they’re still all mutual friends. Today, many of her friends are women but she’s also friends with their husbands and my dad has a couple good female friends from his old job who are very close friends with our family. It’s possible as long as you’re careful.
I did find it:
…lots of good insights. And I’m so glad to read back on my words from 9 months ago and see how far God has brought me and many others from that thread!
Thank you will start reading…
God Bless you