Friendship, turning into dating, perhaps


#1

Hi,

This is my first semester at this new college after transferring from somewhere else. I met this girl pretty much at the beginning of the semester. It was slow going at first, but gradually we grew closer and closer, and now she’s the person I trust the most and I think we both feel really comfortable with one another.

I didn’t think I was interested in her in any way except for friends at first, but it becomes more of a possibility as time goes on. The thing is, of course, that I have no idea how she feels.

She’s a really active Catholic, and we have a lot in common. Every time we hang out or do something that should only take an hour or so, it ends up lasting more like 4 hours sometimes. This evening I thought I’d only be there for 2 hours at most, but I came back 6 hours later. We have a lot of fun and enjoy each other’s company.

I guess I didn’t really realize that there was anything there at all until I realized it’s going to be really weird not seeing her over Christmas break, which is about a month. I told her as much and we’re trying to make plans to at least meet up once for a couple of days hopefully.

Anyway I’m still figuring out what I feel, but I don’t exactly know how to proceed. I’m 21, but I’ve really never dated seriously. I’ve generally been too focused on my own studies. I don’t want to take it too cautiously and miss an opportunity, but also don’t want to jump to any conclusions too quickly either.


#2

What a lovely story. :slight_smile: I think you’re doing the right thing right now. Don’t rush it, allow it time to grow on its own. If I were in your situation, I would probably put off the decision for a moment and pray for guidance in the meantime. Friendships are precious and so ae budding young relationships, one needs to be somewhat careful. But one also needs to remember that most ladies won’t really give you a very clear sign that they’re interested… and if they don’t think you are, they might move on. Don’t overanalyse it, but you may want to think for a while about where things are going, judging by how you two behave around each other. You might try and give her a flower or tell her a compliment that you probably wouldn’t if you weren’t interested, and see what happens. Or ask her to go to a dance with you. Friends can do all these things, but it just leaves open the possibility of something more developing. Just don’t play games with her. If she asks, tell her everything, I think.


#3

some of the best relationships start out as friendships. If you really feel you want a relationship with this girl then look for the right opportunity then ask her if she feels the same. Go For IT!


#4

My husband and I were very good friends for 5 years before we started dating. :slight_smile:

I won’t deny I turned him down the first time he brought it up. But he stuck around as a friend and acted like nothing ever happened. The subject never came up again, which took a lot of the pressure off of me because I did feel pretty awful about turning him down and possibly hurting his feelings.

I came around eventually though. A few months later I brought it up again of my own volition. :wink:

Do not play games though. That was my #1 complaint about my first boyfriend (who is still a good friend of both DH and I). He asked me out before he was sure he was even interested…and then he let it drag on too long after he figured out he wasn’t.


#5

Sorry to bump up this week-old thread, but I wanted to give an update.

The day after I posted this, well she made it very obvious she wanted me to ask her to the formal dance we have coming up. So I did, and we are going, and things have been progressing since then. It seems to me that she is interested.

Now again the problem still is that I’ve never dated seriously before, so am not quite sure what to do. We are going to formal which is a nice first step, but I’m not sure what happens after that. We already do a lot together, so the question is, how is an actual date differentiated? perhaps we should go off-campus somewhere, maybe a movie or just out to dinner or something; I’m not sure. It’s all totally new to me and so I am a bit nervous.

I’m really looking forward to formal though. Hopefully things will be a little clearer after that.


#6

Oh yay! How exciting. :smiley:

I know what you mean about wondering how an actual date would be differentiated. I wish I could give you a more concrete answer myself. But if I had to be totally honest, when we decided to become a “couple” it really was only nominally at first and things did not feel different at all for quite some time. We were good friends for many years before then. So it’s not like we suddenly felt closer or felt that we suddenly had to be more open with each other now that we were a couple. We were *already * close and open with each other. And yet we still grew closer to each other over time.

Many of our “dates” involved participating in shared interests. We’d often go out for “dinner and dancing” (a nice way of saying “Chinese take-out and DDR at the arcade”) or he’d join me playing in the pep band at some college basketball games. Or we’d marathon watch an anime series. Maybe we’d go skating at a roller or ice rink. We’d be doing a lot of those things anyway even if we weren’t dating. But since we were making the effort of seeing each other once a week (going to separate colleges and all), we found ourselves doing those things more often.

Of course this is just how things turned out for us. Your dynamic may turn out to different. It’s perfectly okay to play it by ear. Dinner and a movie sounds like a very nice start. :slight_smile: Our first date was supposed to be a trip to the Renaissance Faire but it got rained out so we went to the movies instead… :stuck_out_tongue:


#7

Yeah, play by ear. Just pay attention to her and so on. That should come naturally if you have warm feelings for her.


#8

I’m sorry; this will be probably the last time I bump this.

We went to formal on Friday, which was phenomenal. The issue of our relationship had been haunting me for a while, and I’m pretty sure she knew that. I finally talked to her last night about it and now we’ve taken the next step forward and are officially dating. :smiley: It was really tough for me, but it helped that I’m already really comfortable with her and that I knew that she knew what was coming.

It’s a huge step for us, because this is my first relationship and her second, so it is really meaningful.

I’m thinking of us sitting down and praying to commit our relationship to God, since we are both very religious. I don’t know if it’s too much at this point though.


#9

Congrats. :smiley: I’m sure coming out of the closet was worth it. :smiley: One sure feels like a man if it works, and if not, well, there’s pals. :smiley: Sorry, just kidding. I’m glad it’s A-okay for you.

I’m thinking of us sitting down and praying to commit our relationship to God, since we are both very religious. I don’t know if it’s too much at this point though.

It may or may not, but it feels like it might. It would take someone who knows you or someone who knows more about such things to tell. I’d say go to a church, kneel down somewhere and pray together - or just the one next to the other, but no special self-made ceremony. I’d go to your priest and talk to him about the idea anyway.


#10

Thanks. :smiley: Yeah it worked out great.

Oh no I don’t mean a ceremony or anything, just praying together about it. We pray together all the time as it is since we try to pray the Rosary and study the Bible together every day.


#11

Glad to hear so. :slight_smile:

Oh no I don’t mean a ceremony or anything, just praying together about it. We pray together all the time as it is since we try to pray the Rosary and study the Bible together every day.

Yeah, I just feel uneasy about making it too formal or resemblant of organised prayer. Something that could look like a tiny marriage. This is not to say your idea falls there or it’s wrong per se (e.g. engagements used to be celebrated…), but I’d talk to a priest about any ideas. A non-liberal priest.


#12

Aw, this is so sweet! It reminds me of me and my fiance! We met freshman year of college, and were like you guys where we weren’t really dating at first, but spent a ton of time together. Well eventually then we did start dating and were a couple. Now 5 years later we’re engaged. :slight_smile:

As far as what to do for dates, I’d suggest starting out easy like if you both like coffee, go to a coffee shop, or go out for lunch or dinner. We also went out to movies, or watched movies in each other’s dorm rooms. We also went on a lot of hikes, which was probably one of our favorite things to do in college.


#13

[quote="BrokenFortress, post:12, topic:175476"]
Aw, this is so sweet! It reminds me of me and my fiance! We met freshman year of college, and were like you guys where we weren't really dating at first, but spent a ton of time together. Well eventually then we did start dating and were a couple. Now 5 years later we're engaged. :)

As far as what to do for dates, I'd suggest starting out easy like if you both like coffee, go to a coffee shop, or go out for lunch or dinner. We also went out to movies, or watched movies in each other's dorm rooms. We also went on a lot of hikes, which was probably one of our favorite things to do in college.

[/quote]

Thanks!

We've been watching movies already, in her dorm. We just watched one last night actually before we had that relationship talk lol. But it doesn't feel much like a date since we've already been doing that. But maybe it will feel a bit more like it now that we are officially dating.

I asked her out to dinner though next week, after Thanksgiving break, so that should be good.

I'm not the most outgoing person by far, so this is a challenge for me, but a quite enjoyable one at that. :D


#14

[quote="seeker_of_God, post:13, topic:175476"]
I'm not the most outgoing person by far, so this is a challenge for me, but a quite enjoyable one at that. :D

[/quote]

It can be a lot of fun. I still miss the old days from time to time when I stroll past a flower market and make a pick or two in my head as I go by. ;)


#15

[quote="seeker_of_God, post:13, topic:175476"]
Thanks!

We've been watching movies already, in her dorm. We just watched one last night actually before we had that relationship talk lol. But it doesn't feel much like a date since we've already been doing that. But maybe it will feel a bit more like it now that we are officially dating.

I asked her out to dinner though next week, after Thanksgiving break, so that should be good.

I'm not the most outgoing person by far, so this is a challenge for me, but a quite enjoyable one at that. :D

[/quote]

At the risk of offending you, I gotta say, this post was sooo freak'n cute! I'm not old enough to be your mom, but I'm totally going all maternal over here. I'm so happy this is working out for you. My advice: Keep those dates casual but on those dinner dates, never order spare ribs or anything that will require the use of massive amounts of wet-naps - at least not until you've been dating for awhile. Oh, the stories I could tell....lol..

Big prayers for you and your girl...keep us posted....I, for one, am a hopeless romantic. :thumbsup:


#16

[quote="tampagrl, post:15, topic:175476"]
At the risk of offending you, I gotta say, this post was sooo freak'n cute! I'm not old enough to be your mom, but I'm totally going all maternal over here. I'm so happy this is working out for you. My advice: Keep those dates casual but on those dinner dates, never order spare ribs or anything that will require the use of massive amounts of wet-naps - at least not until you've been dating for awhile. Oh, the stories I could tell....lol..

Big prayers for you and your girl...keep us posted....I, for one, am a hopeless romantic. :thumbsup:

[/quote]

Thanks so much! :D No offense taken at all. Everyone else has been saying the same thing, lol.

I, also, am a romantic, which she said she likes, so we're all good.

Oh, I should say: We're now on Thanksgiving break. I knew it'd be hard to leave, but I didn't realize how difficult it would be. :( Christmas break will be interesting.

Ooo, and not to show off, but we just recorded Ave Maria. She sang, and I accompanied. Recording

I just post this because it is really largely music that binds us and brings us closer. I'm a classical pianist, and she's an excellent singer. :D I just learned this song for her about a week ago.


#17

Ah this makes me smile. My BF and i were friends before we started dating. Its been awesome. Good luck and you better keep us updated because as soon as i saw that it had been updated i looked at this thread.


#18

Thanks. :slight_smile: I really appreciate the interest. I will definitely try to keep it updated.

It’s difficult for me because I’ve never gone through this before, so I don’t really know what to do.


#19

[quote="seeker of god, post:16, topic:175476"]
ooo, and not to show off, but we just recorded ave maria. She sang, and i accompanied. recording

i just post this because it is really largely music that binds us and brings us closer. I'm a classical pianist, and she's an excellent singer. :d i just learned this song for her about a week ago.

[/quote]

Wow. :D


#20

[quote="seeker_of_God, post:16, topic:175476"]
Thanks so much! :D No offense taken at all. Everyone else has been saying the same thing, lol.

I, also, am a romantic, which she said she likes, so we're all good.

Oh, I should say: We're now on Thanksgiving break. I knew it'd be hard to leave, but I didn't realize how difficult it would be. :( Christmas break will be interesting.

Ooo, and not to show off, but we just recorded Ave Maria. She sang, and I accompanied. Recording

I just post this because it is really largely music that binds us and brings us closer. I'm a classical pianist, and she's an excellent singer. :D I just learned this song for her about a week ago.

[/quote]

SO beautiful. Thanks for sharing that. That song always makes me cry - but in a good way.
Okay, so let's review.....
Learn song for girl. Check!

Perform with girl on song. Check!
Make all the ladies on CAF go, "awwwwww". Check!

:D


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