From crush to obsession?

My son’s freshman year at our new Catholic HS started fine, save for the fact he wasn’t interested in any girls, and especially the this one classmate being forward to him. To make a long story short, our family went to see her play volleyball. She cheerfully acknowledged he was there, and continued to wave or catch glimpses of him (the team won big, so she didn’t get much playing time. After the game, he congratulated her on the win and we left.

A week after I receive a phone call from her dad that he feels my son has inappropriate feelings towards her, that he’s approaching her too much and making her feel uncomfortable with his staring. They have 1 class and homeroom together. He sits behind her. Admin checked out allegations, and nothing my son did was off the mark. However, she started rumors that he tried to sexually assault her (she was suspended from an important state volleyball game). Now, she’s insulted, kicked, screamed and cried (when she snuck over to see the girl he was taking to a dance). The last straw was that she’s gotten a friend to take nudies of her to show my son. He was revolted. There’s about 50 more incidents I can write about, but you get the picture that this girl has not given up.

Since the school seems to be blowing off a lot of this, my husband and I are going to have him transferred. His grades are falling because of the stress. Does anyone have any ideas? He does see a Catholic therapist who is helping us through this. Thank you & God bless.

This girl is crazy, dangerous to him through her false allegations, and possibly physically dangerous as crazy stalkers do crazy things.

Getting him physically away from her is a priority. If you haven’t already reported her stalking behavior to the authorities, do it.

Document everything and if she sends any inappropriate photos of herself to him, give them to the police.

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Everything @1ke said. In addition I would use something on his phone that lets you know where he is every minute of the day. If she makes an allegation against him, it can be easily proved he wasn’t were she may say he has been.

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Ok, you need to be more clear as to why your family would go see her play volleyball. You didn’t say go watch the volleyball game to support school spirit and she happens to be on the team. You said go see her play. That doesn’t fit with the rest of your story that your son is minding his own business and she is pursuing him.

For heaven’s sake don’t do anything like this again. No contact, no encouragement.

Does the school understand the extent of the issue? Have you given them documentation of these 50 or more incidents? A false allegation of sexual assault is serious.

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WIth all due respect, your post is very confusing.

How does the team winning big mean she didn’t get much palying time?

If she was suspended for a voleeyball game because she started false rumours (which in itself seems odd but oh well) It would appear the school is taking this VERY seriously

If he sits behind her, would it be easy to have him assigned to another seat in that class?

He is not interested in any girls but he is taking one to a dance? And it would appear she threw her tantrums (ie kicked screamed and cried when she went to see this girl) when you son wasn’t around. Shouldn’t this other girl be the one with the complaint?

As for the nudies, if all the other ‘friend’ did was show them to your son, can’t he just walk away? and if they are on his phone why not just send them to the dad.

umm… if your son is seing a therapsit and you need to come to an internet forum for advice, perhaps a different therapist would be a good idea.

I don’t mean to be uncharitable, but I think a lot of crucial details are missing from your post

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Went to see the team and support his freshman classmates, and especially this classmate who was doing group work with him in one of his classes.

Too many details are missing. I am not going to fill them in. The school knows all the incidents, as the diocese, son’s date is a close friend from a different school, he’s been assaulted 6 times, psychochick has multiple disciplinary infractions, but not expelled, nudies NOT on my son’s phone—reported to lawyers and authorities. We lawyered up. Don’t need or want advice because you get what you pay for. Simply curious as to the answers. This board has not changed.

Wow, people are grumpy :rage: on this board.

Did you call the police? I probably would have pressed charges of harassment by now. The nude pictures are probably enough to get a restraining order and that will get her out of the classes he’s in. Why do you think the school is “blowing it off”? It sounds like the reacted appropriately to the rumor starting incident. Are they focusing solely on the things that happen in school and leaving what happens outside of school to you and the authorities?

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With all due respect, you did ask for advice. I don’t understand why people wanting to understand the situation better is upsetting to you.

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The legal system in many states has yet to catch up with technology, so if you’re under 18 and have nude photographs of yourself then you could be charged with distribution of child pornography. If your son saves or distributes any photos himself he could be charged as well. When it comes to allegations of sexual assault we live in a time where it is seen as victim blaming to be incredulous. Your son should behave to protect himself by cutting all contact and switching schools.

Ah, Ok, that makes much more sense!!

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Sandy, please don’t get defensive. You asked for advice and that is hard to give based on two paragraphs.

You’ve done the right things by reporting to police, getting a lawyer. If the school isn’t taking the steps you think they should then moving your son out of that environment is the right move.

I don’t know what you wanted people here to say/do. You say you didn’t want/need advice and were “simply curious” what people would say. That’s pretty rude of you towards those of us who took your post at face value, tried to give honest advice to be helpful to you, asked questions to understand the problem better.

I hope your son can thrive at his new school and that this disturbed girl leaves him alone. Having him with a therapist is a good thing, he will need to work through his feelings the situation has produced.

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I’d also suggest you change his phone number and block her from all social media.

Is your son the one who was discerning the priesthood at a very young age?

Sorry. Just very, very emotional. My son is not on any social media. Yes, he is still discerning. Psychochick showed porn of herself and another teammate on a third girl’s phone. His classmates knows he’s discerning and that he hates porn. So, this was emotionally upsetting for him. And while he has a cell phone, he does not share his number to anyone. Somehow the admin found out, but not from my son.

I posted just to see if we missed anything (like the possession, production and distribution of child porn). Never occurred to me until therapist told me (and his old one was unhelpful). I should have not used the word advice…I should have used the words “sounding board.”

If not for her, he has made great strides in high school. Now, she is systematically trying to destroy developing friendships by calling him an Islamic terrorist or a jihadist. Older brother and friends have been recruited to rough him up between classes.

Once again, my apologies. Suddenly losing my mom has made life so much more complicated and sad.

Also, one thing you should know about me, I am afraid to be direct because of my mom’s mental illness. I get skiddish quickly when scolded and go into fight or flight mode. And had to get new username because old one would not take my password. So, I’m not trying to hide behind a username.

Nothing happens outside of school. They are ignoring the crap that goes on in the hallway and the fact that this girl is supposed to stay away from my son (son is enforcing the rules, she is not). For instance, she will sneak up and hide behind a desk in homeroom to get close to him. Until I mentioned something a couple weeks ago, the teacher ignored her.

None to worry about. The only social media we are on is LinkedIn, and he doesn’t use that or have a need.

Sorry. Defensiveness is part of my toxic family of origin. Working on it with own therapist, but it is slow going.

The switch is in progress.

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