[quote="cmscms, post:11, topic:226931"]
Thanks for your response but I am not sure I understand. Are you saying that you unitentioannly hurt someone and instead of this person asserting themselve they talked behind your back and called you sick in the head? Is that what you mean by 'covert aggresion'?
I do know that part of my problem is part of me thinks had I acted differently in the first place none of the stuff would have happened. And that goes even deeper to me incorrectly thinking I can control certain things
It is a long story. I confided in someone about a grievance I had with someone, something I was ashamed about being aggrieved about, at their solicitation and with the promise that the communication would be kept in confidence. To my utter astonishment, the party in whom I confided went ballistic, presumably on behalf of the person with whom I had a grievance, implied that presuming I was sick was the most charitable interpretation they could make of me, and accused me of other things, not to me but to a fourth person, someone in my family! Let us just say it got worse from there. The person I confided in ended up essentially shunning me for nearly two years, even though they kept up contact with family members living in the same house with me. I mean they would pick up and drop off those family members at our house, but never came in, or at least not if I were at home. Who knows what was really going on in their mind about it, because they never told me.
What I mean by covert aggression is that nothing aggressive was said to my face. I was assailed behind my back and cut out of the social circle as completely as could be managed without being open about it. I was invited to take my imagined grievance and essentially pretend nothing had ever happened, but when I let on that I knew what had been shared about the matter behind my back, direct communication with me was abruptly ended. I think there are probably people who were living in my house at the time who had no idea what was going on. To my face, there was no mention of any strife. It was almost like being gaslighted, like I must have imagined the whole thing. It was really horrible.
PS As for the original grievance, I've talked with priests about it. They all thought it was a garden variety grievance, neither unfounded nor worthy of anything like this much drama nor the level of shame I was feeling about the matter. So yes, they thought there was far more to the story than what I was allowed to see, and that I had little I could do but to let it all go and stay off the radar of the ballistic person as much as I could.