Frustrated with God's timing


#1

Hi everyone,

I can’t sleep tonight and I am feeling very sad. So I though I would come here and vent a little.

Needless to say I had some crosses in my life where the scars are still interfering with my happiness. Please no one suggest therapy. Please take this request seriously

I have tried praying about them for over 10 years. Everytime I new perspective is shown to me (eg, at one point it was clear to pray for forgiveness at another for acceptance), I think to myself, finally, I will be able to heal from this.

Yet everytime a new light is shed on the matter, I pray and feel like I really got no where. I am at my wits end. I have heard it all and everytime I get a ‘revelation’ of something to try, it seems like there are less and less people who understand/show me compassion.

So I am really frustrated with God’s timing. It almost seems as if this is a never ending circle.

How do others handle things when they are frustrated with God’s timing?

CM


#2

it would depend on what you are praying for and if it's in accordance with his will.

if you are praying for something that is straight against his will then it will never happen.

You may not get any answers because you may not be asking the right questions.


#3

Gee I’m sorry to see that you are struggling so and even to the point that you cannot sleep. I am sorry to say that I haven’t read about your struggles but I have had a few that have kept me up at night too.

Like you whenever I would find myself worrying I would pray and sometimes pray myself to sleep. I have learned though that prayer is not enough and that I really need to listen and ask God to tell me, to show me, what I need to do. Sometimes I prayed so much I just forgot to listen, to be silent and to just wait and to listen.

He really does straighten everything out for us and it is in his time because I think he wants us to learn the lesson fully. Once that happens, he puts his plan into work.

So maybe pray, wait, listen, and allow. I hope this makes sense and is helpful to you. Praying for a good nights sleep for you and that questions are answered by the morning.


#4

I havn't been sleeping well for about a week know. I have been feeling drawn to confession and I have been putting it off for months. At night I lay awake, tossing and turning, talking to God, and trying/struggling to find my way.

My other problem is that - and I suspect you have this issue too - I have a hard time letting go. Even after I pray, or confess, or meet with Father to talk, I tend to obsess about my problems/sins and I just can't move forward.

I really don't know how to help you with that, since I can't even help myself, but I will pray for you.

I know you said you don't want therapy, but maybe you need to meet a close friend for coffee and just talk, or ask your parish priest out to lunch and build a relationship with him where you can turn to him for help.


#5

I have no idea what your crosses are, so maybe my thoughts won’t help at all…but here they are:

  1. Have you gone to confession with what is bothering you?
  2. It seems to me that you want things to be as though your crosses are not there and never were there. Unfortunately, crosses often leave scars and scars by definition are permanent marks. I would suggest that you focus NOT on trying to heal a scar. Instead, offer the scar up to God. Tell him you are giving it to Him to deal with. And truly give it to Him. Let it go to Him.
  3. Once you have offered up your scars you will need a new focus. Turn your gaze and energy and efforts outward. Pick something – a cause in the church, a project in the community, a hobby in your household. etc – that you can get involved in with interest and enthusiasm, and throw yourself into it.
  4. Every day, thank God for your blessings and pray for those who need your prayers.

#6

Frustrated with God's timing regarding what? What exactly do you have in mind? Is it making peace with the past, forgiving your parents, getting over the (perhaps unconscious) anger with God for giving you a dysfunctional family as opposed to a stable, loving one? Zero in on one thing that you'd like a favourable outcome to, go over to the "prayer request" section and ask for prayer. If you're like me, you probably pride yourself on being able to be self-reliant, and resent having to ask for help, or perhaps not, but in either case you'll benefit from other people's prayer.


#7

Been there done that know all about it. Still in the same cycle myself so I don’t have any answers. Sometimes it seems like GOD is throwing stuff in our way to keep us down. I’m so loaded down myself I may never get up again financially.


#8

Hi there - I so completely understand what you're saying. I have no answers except that when something gets really bad or I feel desperate about something, I pray a Novena to the Infant of Prague and also pray to Saint Jude to help me/us do whatever. Right now it has to do with our house, but usually it's about getting the o.k. from our doctors to try again to have a child. It seems like something happens almost everytime we get close. I just don't want to wind up getting pregnant and having to make a decision between the two of us. I don't want to start another thread from this about that so I'll just leave that part there. But honestly, I would go with what some of the others are saying about going to confession but also sometimes I'll just scream into my pillow and have a good cry. Sometimes that's kind of cathartic.
God Bless and I hope you're able to find a way to deal with this situation -
AnneKristen


#9

Thanks everybody for your kind replies.

I do think part of my problem is pride in the sense that although I have been to confession, I don’t forgive myself for how I handled the situations

As for talking to friends… it is hard to find trustworthy people especially at the deep level I need to share.

But I go through these times and it is nice to know I am not alone. The funniest thing is as much as I struggle with sleeping at night. I NEVER have a problem taking an afternoon nap. I think it is because sleeping in the day, I can hide from the world. Where’s is at night when everyone else is asleep, I have the whole world to myself. Have I told you I was an introvert:D

I will pray everyone who responded will find some peace

CM


#10

[quote="cmscms, post:9, topic:226931"]
I do think part of my problem is pride in the sense that although I have been to confession, I don't forgive myself for how I handled the situations

[/quote]

I have been through something similar. The original offense was unintended, but it was my fault. I felt very ashamed about it. Like you, I sought absolution but did not feel forgiven. To make a long story short, the vengeance in response to my offense took the form of passive and covert aggressions. Oh, and part of the covert aggression has been to tell people behind my back that I'm sick in the head. Being the subject of all that has made paranoia seem a perfectly reasonable response....so are they right? They don't even have to think about me anymore, and probably don't, but I don't feel I can let my guard down towards them.

Covert aggression: the gift that keeps on giving.

I don't see any of my issues as having to do with God's timing, though. This mess has a lot of fingerprints on it, but I don't think any of them are God's.

If you figure yours out, let me know. Maybe it will have some parallel to mine. :shrug:


#11

Hi EasterJoy,

Thanks for your response but I am not sure I understand. Are you saying that you unitentioannly hurt someone and instead of this person asserting themselve they talked behind your back and called you sick in the head? Is that what you mean by 'covert aggresion'?

I do know that part of my problem is part of me thinks had I acted differently in the first place none of the stuff would have happened. And that goes even deeper to me incorrectly thinking I can control certain things

CM


#12

[quote="cmscms, post:1, topic:226931"]
Needless to say I had some crosses in my life where the scars are still interfering with my happiness. Please no one suggest therapy. Please take this request seriously

CM

[/quote]

I take it very seriously. I think it is very natural to pray to overcome scars so that you can become a joyful Christian, but God may not be interested in you going that way, at least not yet. Sometimes I think that when God doesn't answer prayers for comfort, he wants you to see your scars, the evil inflicted, with greater clarity. How can you forgive if you don't allow yourself to feel the full extent of the injury, and the intent behind it? For me, it's been over 15 years. It is almost as if God brings me back, repeatedly, to my scars, and wants me to see them fully for what they are. Sometimes on reflection and examination the viciousness of past reality is much worse than I had previously consciously perceived. I think to myself, is there no bottom? Despair can come very easily.

Maybe we're in Dante's book and not allowed to climb the hill, but must take the journey down first. With Jesus, instead of Virgil, as our guide. Maybe that's the only way the scars may no longer have power over us.

God bless you cms.


#13

[quote="cmscms, post:1, topic:226931"]
Hi everyone,

I can't sleep tonight and I am feeling very sad. So I though I would come here and vent a little.

Needless to say I had some crosses in my life where the scars are still interfering with my happiness. Please no one suggest therapy. Please take this request seriously

I have tried praying about them for over 10 years. Everytime I new perspective is shown to me (eg, at one point it was clear to pray for forgiveness at another for acceptance), I think to myself, finally, I will be able to heal from this.

Yet everytime a new light is shed on the matter, I pray and feel like I really got no where. I am at my wits end. I have heard it all and everytime I get a 'revelation' of something to try, it seems like there are less and less people who understand/show me compassion.

So I am really frustrated with God's timing. It almost seems as if this is a never ending circle.

How do others handle things when they are frustrated with God's timing?

CM

[/quote]

Actually, I think you've got it. It IS a never ending circle.


#14

Friend, do not be frustrated with God. God knows better than we do. I too was frustrated at one point, even to the point that I found myself being agnostic. I told myself I still believe there is a God but he doesn’t really do anything for me because like you, I felt I was stuck in the mud and not going anywhere, despite praying so ferverently for my petitions. One day I realized that God indeed had a plan. God wasn’t dragging me in circles, I was keeping myself in the same place. God wanted to take me to another place but I insisted in what I want. When I come to realize this, I repented and sought forgiveness from God and those I offended. Afterwhich life became much better for me because I trusted in God and believed in Him more. Whenever I don’t get what I want, I thank God for giving me what He wants for me, even though I don’t quite understand it. Eventually, in time I will understand it as I have come to with many things in my past. I would just laugh now thinking how things worked out. I could have that but instead I got this and see how happy I am right now. Maybe that is what you need. Let go and let God. Perhaps God has been dragging you to move on and yet you insist on what you want. If you are not getting what you are expecting, why not accept that what you ask for is not God’s will for you? Leave it and let it be, go and follow God and live your life. God will surely provide something better for you if you only trust in Him.


#15

I just wanted to make one other comment - that is when I have trouble sleeping, if TV won't even put me to sleep or reading, sometimes I'll begin to say a Rosary. That often causes me to fall asleep (I'm not trying to be sarcastic or mean, just to say that for me, this can often happen even if I'm NOT trying to fall asleep-I think it's that my mind focuses on what's being said and can kind of go on to "cruise control" if you catch my drift) - on the positive side also, I don't know if it's true, but I've been told that your Guardian Angel will finish it up for you! (I try to ask mine before hand if I think there's any chance I might drift off!)

God Bless
AnneKristen

My Lord and My God,
My Love and my Life,
Don't leave me here all alone!

Cradel me in Your Arms,
Hold me in Your Heart,
Until You bring me Home!


#16

Hi CM,

I don’t know how to handle being frustrated with God’s timing because I am too, and I am taking it out on myself in ways that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. But keep the faith. You’re not alone, and God did eventually let the Israelites stop wandering in the desert. That thought consoles me, if only just a little.

I will pray for you.


#17

[quote="cmscms, post:11, topic:226931"]
Hi EasterJoy,

Thanks for your response but I am not sure I understand. Are you saying that you unitentioannly hurt someone and instead of this person asserting themselve they talked behind your back and called you sick in the head? Is that what you mean by 'covert aggresion'?

I do know that part of my problem is part of me thinks had I acted differently in the first place none of the stuff would have happened. And that goes even deeper to me incorrectly thinking I can control certain things

CM

[/quote]

It is a long story. I confided in someone about a grievance I had with someone, something I was ashamed about being aggrieved about, at their solicitation and with the promise that the communication would be kept in confidence. To my utter astonishment, the party in whom I confided went ballistic, presumably on behalf of the person with whom I had a grievance, implied that presuming I was sick was the most charitable interpretation they could make of me, and accused me of other things, not to me but to a fourth person, someone in my family! Let us just say it got worse from there. The person I confided in ended up essentially shunning me for nearly two years, even though they kept up contact with family members living in the same house with me. I mean they would pick up and drop off those family members at our house, but never came in, or at least not if I were at home. Who knows what was really going on in their mind about it, because they never told me.

What I mean by covert aggression is that nothing aggressive was said to my face. I was assailed behind my back and cut out of the social circle as completely as could be managed without being open about it. I was invited to take my imagined grievance and essentially pretend nothing had ever happened, but when I let on that I knew what had been shared about the matter behind my back, direct communication with me was abruptly ended. I think there are probably people who were living in my house at the time who had no idea what was going on. To my face, there was no mention of any strife. It was almost like being gaslighted, like I must have imagined the whole thing. It was really horrible.

PS As for the original grievance, I've talked with priests about it. They all thought it was a garden variety grievance, neither unfounded nor worthy of anything like this much drama nor the level of shame I was feeling about the matter. So yes, they thought there was far more to the story than what I was allowed to see, and that I had little I could do but to let it all go and stay off the radar of the ballistic person as much as I could.


#18

I don’t claim that this is the “right” way to handle it, but somehow I always feel better afterward…

I go to mass and I use my silent prayer time chewing God out. I let him know all of the ways I am frustrated with him, all of the ways his plan is screwing with my plans, and all of the reasons why he is an idiot for not making HIS plans confirm to MY plans. I will sit there in mass fighting back tears of anger. Eventually, I begin to feel less angry, I begin to find a silver lining, etc. I think it’s okay to be angry with God sometimes—He can handle it.

Also, there’s a Garth Brooks song that I like in times like these-- Thank God For Unanswered Prayers. video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2156161706585783232#

As with all country songs, the lyrics are a little trite…but the message is solid. If we think back on many of our prayers, in hindsight God had a bigger better plan for us and if we had it our way, we wouldn’t have become as happy/strong/accomplished/wise.


#19

Do you bring your rosay into bed? Or do you sit in a chair. I am affraid I will fall asleep roll over on my rosary and suddenly wake up;)


#20

Also, there's a Garth Brooks song that I like in times like these-- Thank God For Unanswered Prayers

Totally LOVE this song. I am a country music girl, but I also like Christian Rock too. While alot of the time, the lyrics can be kinda cheesy the point of this song is so right. If you are not familiar with it, basically, the Guy runs into his ex-girlfriend at a football game and he realizes that as sad as he was to lose her - at the time - he is most definately with the RIGHT woman now as they find themselves at a loss as to what to even say to eachother and really can't even come up with an past memories to share.

I have begun to get impatient as well. I have been trying to get myself to confession for 3mths now. While I acknowledge that I am making my own excuses, I can't seem to get there, and part of that is I am searching for the "right" confessor to go to. While I do realize the Priest really does not matter in this equation, for me he does. If I am not comfortable then I am going to hold back. I have e-mailed a couple different priests are neighboring parishes, and even after attending 4 AM masses this week, I just havn't felt the right connection.

Saturday afternoons are hard for me, so going at the regular scheduled time just won't work. I have e-mailed 1 priest 3x today, and I have only received 1 response. I really never thought I would see a day where I was in such a need of getting to confession that I started e-mailing Priests to try and schedule a private meeting.

All I can really say is hang in there and do not give up.


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