My husband and I need some help. We have had 6 kids in 7 years. We have seriously tried to avoid the last 3 pregnancies, but unsuccessful. We are completely drowning beyond maxed out. Our marriage is starting to suffer. The couple times we have tried to be intimate has ended in me sobbing and having a panic attack of the thought of becoming pregnant. We have 0% faith in NFP. We have tried temperatures, Marquette and Creighton, and LH strips. NFP is starting to feel more of a burden than anything else. Please help. My cycles are very irregular…the 5 I have had between my pregnancies and we are super fertile. It is a cross. It is extremely heavy, and I’m not sure how much longer we can carry it anymore. ️ At a loss of what to do besides abstinence.
PLEASE contact an NFP instructor and talk to that person about all of this. I hear your pain but also know there is a reason these children were given to you. THEY ARE A BLESSING!
Praying for y’all:
Really the only way to master a method involves a lot of abstinence at first. If you’ve only had five cycles in seven whole years, and these were not continuous cycles, that’s not a lot of time to learn to practice effectively.
My cycles were a bit wacky after I had my son, and we abstained for a long time before I could figure them out again. We had serious reasons to avoid a pregnancy, and it was hard, but we made it work because it was important. I recommend trying a particular method for several continuous cycles (we used Marquette), abstaining either completely or using only Phase III, before giving up on a method and deciding it just doesn’t work.
4 methods over 7 years seems like a good deal of switching.
I am Creighton gal, but, they had not invented Marquette back when I was fertile. Yes, we had weeks of abstinence, but, our reasons were serious so that was the sacrifice that we made.
Sit down with your instructor, go over all of your data. Remember, God designed the female body with signs we can interpret. Post partum rules are different, and it sounds as if you have only had post partum cycles for a long time.
Thanks! My mom is a Creighton instructor. She too, has said lots of abstinence, which we are doing now. It’s really eating at our marriage. Lots of added stress. It’s hard. We feel our family is complete. We can’t mentally or physically take another baby and a vasectomy is really tempting to us.
Pray for us.
PLEASE talk to your Priest. I KNOW this is a difficult time for you both and my Prayers are with you.
I would suggest it is better to have an instructor who is not your mom. I am close to my mom, but, that would be way crossing a boundary for me. Doctors don’t treat their own family members for the same reason.
Yes, we do have an instructor other than my mom. My mom has just looked at my charts after we have conceived.
When we went to our instructor last time, she put me on Metformin to regulate my cycles and within 6 days of taking it on day 26 we conceived. Had a second peak after peak +4, had sex and peaked again. Had our son. I’ve very weary to go back again.
Did STM not work for you? That’s the only form I’ve ever used b/c I can see when my temp rises and it gives me extra assurance.
But I can sympathize a bit with being cynical about NFP…I’ve been using it for 15 yrs and it’s harder to use it now that we won’t be trying to have anymore kids. In the early years we would always be a little more lenient with the “rules”.
We haven’t used STM. I would try to take my temperature with Creighton. It was hard with waking up at night to nursing babies. All of our babies are 12-18 months apart. I have gotten pregnant while nursing with all of them.
Wife and I are in Italy till next week. I have a lot to say on this thread but can’t right now. I’ll be back.
Are you nursing? That may be a massive reason why your cycles aren’t charitable.
I see so many women caught in vicious cycles of getting pregnant, nursing and and dealing with PP…failing and getting pregnant again…then the cycle starts all over. It’s incredibly difficult to break out.
It happened to me. I had three kids in less than 3.5 years. I stopped the cycle by quitting nursing and I ended up having to go on the pill for medical reasons.
I’m finally comfortable enough to learn NFP with an instructor.
If I have another kid…I’m not nursing. It’s not worth the crazy IMO.
I’ve heard some decent things about temp drop.
Yes! 6 in 7 years!!! It’s more of the mental craziness right now. I am nursing. My son is 6 months old and it’s right around now I always get pregnant. We can’t. That would put us over the edge. I’m thinking about stop breastfeeding to maybe help.
We ended up abstaining completely till I weaned our youngest…he was about 10 mths old. After I weaned him my cycle came back…I hated having to wean him early but I missed being with my husband and I knew that getting pg again was not a good idea.
It really could. Your cycles will com back. I was in the same position. My body can’t suppress cycles through the hormones I generate from nursing. All it does is frustrate my cycles to the point where they are impossible to chart.
Nursing isn’t the best thing across the board. It doesn’t help all women with spacing babies…regardless how you nurse. Sometimes it just makes the situation worse.
My postpartum depression was so much worse the longer I was nursing or pregnant. I
My husband was so worried about my mental health he wanted me to quit.
Quitting nursing may be something you should think about…it’s not for everyone and when you need to follow Church teaching…,sometimes you have to go against conventional advice to make it happen.
I think nursing is a wonderful thing…but only if the benefits extend in both directions…mom and baby…it can’t just be one sided
We abstained for nearly 8 months after my last baby…I wish I knew what I know now.
But…my head was completely clouded for the better part of 4 years…with no break. Once I stopped nursing and avoided being pregnant…it was like a huge fog lifted off of me. I was less paranoid, less anxious and much more calm and collected.
How old is your youngest? We too, are in this huge fog…for 8 years now. I want to start thriving instead of surviving. It’s so hard.
She just turned 3. I never went past 11 months before becoming pregnant again.
I started feeling much better after I stopped nursing…and even better after the 18 month mark.
I feel so much better that hubby and I might want to go for baby number 4 in the next year or so.
If we do…I think abstinence and weaning around the 5-6 month mark is the way I’m going to go. Either that or I just use formula…but I don’t know how I feel about that because I nursed all of my kids…and that is just normal for me.
I also plan to use Marquette with an instructor.
I was using stm without an instructor before and it was not working at all.
I’ve been there.
It was so bad for us because my husband lost 2 jobs in three years due to layoffs and I was trying to finish school.
Finances were so tight and then non existent for a few months after our third was born.
If I didnt break the cycle I would have had to quit school and that was not an option for me.
I needed a mental health break and a big confidence booster.
My depression and anxiety was so bad I wasn’t safe to be around my kids.