Frustrated with online dating


#1

Hello Everyone,

I've been feeling down lately due to bad experiences online dating.
I have been in Catholicmatch and no luck with guys.
I tried match.com but the sad thing is that 95% of them want
hookups and no real relationship. Plus I see that most want
to date 10 women at the same time with no intention of settling in.
It depressed me how these guys only want to objectify and
they don't care of the other person. I feel heart-broken to
see that real pure love is extinct now. Is all about instant gratification
without commitment and sacrifice.
I go to mass every Sunday, and I don't see singles around my age
attending mass. The young adult group of my parish is more for 15-20 year olds
(I'm 27, and I don't fit in anymore). I volunteered last year teaching Catechism
to the kids, which I love.
Most of my single friends are into the party and drinking scene. I sometimes
go out with them, but I end up home feeling empty.
Any Advice or thoughts :)
Thank you guys!


#2

Prayers for you.

If it's any consolation I met my husband at our parish when I was 16 and he was 26. We started dating after I graduated from high school.

Keep on the straight and narrow... God's plans are so much bigger than our own.


#3

Yay, you are blessed you found your husband on your parish,
good for you :).
I just need to be patient :) I guess.


#4

How far have you been putting your " radar " out on CM? You may have to go a bit farther out than 50 miles. I was on CM for two years, also on AMS. I talked with a lot of ladies on CM, and was in a relationship with a lovely lady that I met on AMS ( broke up upon further discernment)
I know on CM you can also narrow down your matches to ones that are ONLY 7 out of 7 on the various moral levels. That should narrow down the choice of men to the ones that actually practice their faith for the most part.

Have you checked out any of the theology on tap/ young adult nights around? Here again you may have to drive a little farther. While you might meet a lot of guys that may be in seminary, you might meet other, very devout young men that are more marriage minded.

I met the lady I am currently pursuing at a young adult retreat, another place that might be good.

Just trying to give you some ideas, but most of all,pray. But you have to make an effort I have found. God will lead you as you go.:thumbsup:


#5

Hello there! I had a very similar experience to what you wrote. Though, I did generally like Catholic Match. I even dated a girl I met on there for a year. I felt odd going back to Catholic Match after we broke up but I tried it again and I found that while most of the girls on there had good intentions, there weren't too many that were truly devoted to their faith. I lost hope in that site and tried regular Match...You are 100% accurate in what you wrote! But it does work both ways because the women I encountered were interested in instant gratification too. I really just wanted a connection with a nice girl and wanted the relationship to be based on faith. I also feel a lot of people on Match only dated me to get over someone else. Dating people from Match will certainly make you lose hope, but don't!!!! You sound like a very nice girl.

Through word of mouth I found AveMariaSingles and loved it. Granted, there aren't a ton of people on there. It's a little more pricey, but it's a lifetime membership (email them regarding a discount and they'll give you one...now I sound like a spokesperson lol). The people there seem to all be devoted to God and have the right intentions. It's a night and day difference between that and Catholic Match. I met my girlfriend about 6 months ago on AveMariaSingles and it's been going great ever since and on top of that she has been a huge help with my faith.

I wish you all the best and I hope this helps :)


#6

I'm going to throw in another Ave Maria Singles recommendation.

While I haven't met anyone yet on there the men are obviously entirely different from the ones I met at Catholic Match. Everyone seems much more devout... for lack of a better word.

I hesitated to join because of the steep price and because I'm from Canada. I was granted a discount because I'm Canadian and unfortunately I discovered there aren't many guys from Canada but that hasn't stopped the American men from contacting me. :) And they've all been very gracious and respectful. it's nice!


#7

[quote="mely2020, post:1, topic:290239"]
Hello Everyone,

I've been feeling down lately due to bad experiences online dating.
I have been in Catholicmatch and no luck with guys.
I tried match.com but the sad thing is that 95% of them want
hookups and no real relationship. Plus I see that most want
to date 10 women at the same time with no intention of settling in.
It depressed me how these guys only want to objectify and
they don't care of the other person. I feel heart-broken to
see that real pure love is extinct now. Is all about instant gratification
without commitment and sacrifice.
I go to mass every Sunday, and I don't see singles around my age
attending mass. The young adult group of my parish is more for 15-20 year olds
(I'm 27, and I don't fit in anymore). I volunteered last year teaching Catechism
to the kids, which I love.
Most of my single friends are into the party and drinking scene. I sometimes
go out with them, but I end up home feeling empty.
Any Advice or thoughts :)
Thank you guys!

[/quote]

Prayer everyday for the perfect match to someday appear on the scene of your life.


#8

Thank you nickybr38, ACanthony, JeraldW, Jacob50 so much for your recommendations.
I search Theology on a Tap and found several church ministries
further in my area. But I'm ok on driving :) yay!
I have my CM search to be 500 miles (it may not be realistic because it would be long distance) but at least I'm giving it a shot. I also attend to retreats, but I have not met nobody yet. I should try Ave Maria singles.I'm burnout of all the drama in match and catholicmatch, I hope AMS works for me :-)
I have prayed to God to help me find the guy for me, but I also think I need to put a little effort :-)


#9

Online dating can be really difficult...I met a Scotsman online...we dated for 3 years..almost got engaged... in the end it did not work out. But he is still one of my best friends ever.

So, keep trying...you may at least make some really good friends out of it.


#10

Mely2020

Let's face it, building a relationship takes time. A man isn't going to marry you until you are able surrender yourself over to him. If you have a career or other obstacles that stand in the way of you being a good wife and a totally devoted mother of your children, think about removing obstacles first.


#11

I'm an old lady on Catholic Match. I just started about a month ago. I am talking with one person in my area but what I noticed is that most of the men in my age group (50 and above) are all into hiking, camping, walking on the beach, bike riding...I, on the other hand, would rather stick a fork in my eye than go hiking up a mountain. SO, I am honest about what I like to do and what I do not like to do (please do not make me go camping. I am begging you.) and I am now, after reading these posts, going to see if I can narrow that search engine to 7 out of 7. I didn't know you can do that! It will filter out the 'Kinda Catholics".

Good luck, Sister girl...I will keep you in my prayers!:thumbsup:


#12

Im 25 and had several rounds trying online dating. If you try hard enough and put yourself out there you will get attention from good men and will get a date. Now, the question is how far are you willing and able to go. Distance makes it very difficult. For a woman and also men, its all about how you sell yourself. Online dating is like a market no matter which site. AMS is no different than CM in that regard. You are selling a product, yourself. The better you try to sell yourself, the greater chance of being successful online.

You can customize who you want for the most part in online dating. There are search engines, profile bios and questionaire plus all the pictures where people look much better than they actually do in real life.

Like with most products and with selling things, sometimes you make the sale and other times the deal falls through.

Online dating can be very dehumanizing. Profiles very much look at a market where one can choose among all the goods on the shelf.

I tried online dating several times over five years time. I noticed that many people never leave online dating and are perpetually looking and paying good money each month for the profile features such as messaging.

Some people make it work while many more have trouble being a good salesman and languish for years with no luck.


#13

[quote="johndoe100, post:10, topic:290239"]
Mely2020

Let's face it, building a relationship takes time. A man isn't going to marry you until you are able surrender yourself over to him. If you have a career or other obstacles that stand in the way of you being a good wife and a totally devoted mother of your children, think about removing obstacles first.

[/quote]

I can't recommend giving up your career to find a husband. I assume like everyone else she has bills to pay too. Besides, plenty of men, even :eek: Catholic men, marry women who have careers and support themselves.

I think she'll have better luck finding a husband working than she will homeless.


#14

[quote="JoeofCupertino, post:12, topic:290239"]
Im 25 and had several rounds trying online dating. If you try hard enough and put yourself out there you will get attention from good men and will get a date. Now, the question is how far are you willing and able to go. Distance makes it very difficult. For a woman and also men, its all about how you sell yourself. Online dating is like a market no matter which site. AMS is no different than CM in that regard. You are selling a product, yourself. The better you try to sell yourself, the greater chance of being successful online.

You can customize who you want for the most part in online dating. There are search engines, profile bios and questionaire plus all the pictures where people look much better than they actually do in real life.

Like with most products and with selling things, sometimes you make the sale and other times the deal falls through.

Online dating can be very dehumanizing. Profiles very much look at a market where one can choose among all the goods on the shelf.

I tried online dating several times over five years time. I noticed that many people never leave online dating and are perpetually looking and paying good money each month for the profile features such as messaging.

Some people make it work while many more have trouble being a good salesman and languish for years with no luck.

[/quote]

Tell us how you really feel? ;)


#15

Been there, done that. I'm not too keen on online dating, but I'm not ultimately opposed to it. I met my ex (almost married her, too) on Myspace. We ended up breaking up, when we shifted to Facebook.

At this point, the rest of my life I can consider a wash relationship wise. If I find the right one, great! If not, I'm not in a hurry (I'm 31). Meh, my Filipino parents, and relatives on the other hand, are kind of in a hurry...


#16

[quote="BlueEyedLady, post:13, topic:290239"]
I can't recommend giving up your career to find a husband. I assume like everyone else she has bills to pay too. Besides, plenty of men, even :eek: Catholic men, marry women who have careers and support themselves.

I think she'll have better luck finding a husband working than she will homeless.

[/quote]

So, what is wrong with a single woman living at home with her parents?


#17

[quote="johndoe100, post:16, topic:290239"]
So, what is wrong with a single woman living at home with her parents?

[/quote]

What if her parents are dead? I am 43, single....my parents are not around...what would I do then?


#18

Nothing necessarily. But she could have abusive parents, or parents that don’t want their adult children living with them. She could have student loans to pay off. Or her parents could insist that she pay rent and help with utilities. If she never marries will she live with them forever? What will happen to her when they die? There are many practical reasons other than self-respect and dignity for a single woman to work. Besides, many men would be turned off by a woman who lives with her parents, doesn’t work, and is just waiting for a husband.

And saying that no man is going to marry a woman who has a career is not only crazy but is completely untrue. Many women on this site have good Catholic husbands and careers, and many men on this site fell in love and married women with careers.


#19

[quote="BlueEyedLady, post:18, topic:290239"]
Nothing necessarily. But she could have abusive parents, or parents that don't want their adult children living with them. She could have student loans to pay off. Or her parents could insist that she pay rent and help with utilities. If she never marries will she live with them forever? What will happen to her when they die? There are many practical reasons other than self-respect and dignity for a single woman to work. Besides, many men would be turned off by a woman who lives with her parents, doesn't work, and is just waiting for a husband.

And saying that no man is going to marry a woman who has a career is not only crazy but is completely untrue. Many women on this site have good Catholic husbands and careers, and many men on this site fell in love and married women with careers.

[/quote]

Thanks for listing the obstacles for Mely, that's more than I was thinking of. Now she can get busy removing them.


#20

What obstacles did I list that she should get rid of? Furthermore, what ones did I list that she could possibly solve by not working?


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