This got a little long, but there’s some background that had to be understood first…
Okay, back when I was in college I was home visiting my Dad for a few weeks. Dad has a cockerspaniel named Thomas Aquinas, aka Tommy, who’s just about the most love-able dog, but like the rest of the breed, has problems holding his liquids in when he gets excited.
So anyway, I’m home. As a college student, I enjoy staying out late at starbucks with friends on Saturday nights (oh, the joy of coffee available 24/7!). I figure that this is why God invented the 10:30 am mass… it’s perfect for us night owls. If there was a Catholics Anonymous meeting, my line would have been, “Hi, my name is Paul, I’m a catholic and nothing short of a nuclear explosion gets me out of bed before 9:45 on weekends.”
But I digress… Sunday morning rolls around, and by Sunday morning I mean the “why God, why?” hours… namely six AM. There’s a pounding on the door, and Thomas, the lovingly excitable dog is spazzing out because he knows he’s gonna meet somebody new. For myself, I am slightly less excited about being woken up. In my grogginess, I utterly fail at stopping Tommy from getting out the door and freaking out about our 2 high school aged mormon boys. “Don’t pet the dog,” I say, “He pees when he’s too excited and he’s always excited when meeting new people.” They both nod. All of us are oblivious that God is about to deliver punishment for waking up one of His catholics before the alloted time…
The front one starts his schpeel that they’re the mormons and they have this that and the other program I can benefit from if I come to their church some time and blah blah blah… At this point, I’d lost interest because Tommy had walked up to the boy standing in back and put his front paws on his leg (basically, standing looking up at him). Here’s why you should always listen to catholics: when we tell you “don’t pet the dog” we’re not lying. He reaches down and absent mindedly gives Tommy a rub on the head… Tommy gets excited and he
… and down into his shoe even.
Now, the look on the kids face is classic. I feel guilty of lack of charity, but I’ve got to say that seeing that made it pretty hard to keep a straight face. And the guy in front has no clue his friend just got peed on by our dog. He keeps talking… and talking… and talking… about what, I have no clue, because I’m too busy trying not to die laughing as the kid in back stands there wiggling his foot. Finally, the kid in back can’t stand that anymore, grabs the other kid’s sleeve and says something about me looking busy and tired and they should let me get back to sleep.
The poor dog had disappeared inside the second he peed. He knew he was in trouble, he’s always in trouble when he pees on the floor, and this time he had peed on a PERSON. I’m sure he was confused when I tossed him a doggy treat and went back to bed until a more Godly hour of the morning…