My boyfriend and I are hoping to get engaged in the very near future. I love every part of my relationship, except I get the impression his mom isn't thrilled with me. We are in our late 20's. If this is the man I am going to marry, I want to be close to his family. Family so important to me. I was blessed with a wonderful family and I want to be close to his family as well. But as of now, I don't feel comfortable with them. Any advice?
A few things:
1) His mother has always been kind to me, but I get the impression she is jealous of the time my boyfriend spends with me. He visits his parents at least twice a week and will talk to his mom everyday. She calls him multiple times a day. I have never asked him to stop any of these things. However, she will make comments to him like "Have fun with your new family" if he does something with my family and me or she'll comment "Do you have to spend time with her everyday?" if he tells her he is coming over by me after work.
2) My family invites him to be a part of everything we do and his mother does not extend the same courtesy to me. His father does but not his mother.
3) I get the feeling his mother is worried she is going to be left alone when her son marries. His other siblings aren't very good to her per se, and i get the feeling she is worried she'll lose him too. I think my relationship makes her feel insecure. I try to combat this by encouraging my boyfriend to spend time with her, etc. However, its difficult for me to get closer to his family when she doesn't invite me along. The other part of it is, that since I'm not that comfortable with her, I don't care that I'm not invited to go by her all the time. (if that makes sense).
4) I think I am pretty good at reading people... so, I think I am right. My boyfriend mentions little things that lead me to believe I"m right. He always assures me his parents really like me. However, little things tell me his mother doesn't. However, I am nearly certain it has little to do with me and almost everything to do with the fact that I'm the girl her son is with.
5) Everytime my boyfriend and I discuss something, if he mentions it to his mother she belittles it.
6) I love my boyfriend! I want to make things work with his mother. They're not terrible at the moment -- they are cordial.
I want to clarify that my boyfriend's parents ARE together happily. What I meant was that if his dad calls him to invite him over for dinner or something he also says to invite me along. If his mom does she doesn't do that.
Also, I have spent an okay amount of time with his parents. Apparently his mom has never said anything bad about me. She just gets annoyed that my boyfriend wants to spend time with me.
I also don't think she likes my involvement with the Church. She is Catholic but more of a cafeteria Catholic. My boyfriend has become much more involved with the Church since we've been dating and has been doing tons of reading on the Catholic church on his own as well. Whenever he share his deeper insights iwth his mother she gets defensive. I've never commented AT ALL on his family's different ways of doing things and I would never call her out on anything. Apparently, my boyfriend brought up the Church's stance on birth control to his mom and she got VERY upset and wanted to know if I had "planted" that idea in his head. My boyfriend is a reader and a critical thinker and he explained things very well. This was toward the beginning of our relationship. She hasn't mentioned anything about me before, but she'll kind of laugh to herself if he mentions we are going to confession or anything like that. She attends mass but like I said, is more of a cafeteria catholic. My boyfriend thankfully has a very strong faith and I am not worried about him becoming a cafeteria catholic.
Anyway, sorry this turned into more indepth than I had intended
I want to do what will make everyone happy.